Gay vs Gay

I write this with a certain amount of fear that too many will take offence without looking at the real issues. I welcome constructive discussion on his matter however, as it's something that affect our community quite deeply.

There's a quiet "in-house"  discrimination amongst gay guys (in fact, its amongst all the LGBT community, but I'll leave that for another blog).

Here's an example of the problem

In it's simplest form it comes down to masculine gays not liking effeminate gays. On the surface, it seems like a basic need for tolerance and acceptance, as stated in the article link above. But I think there are much deeper issues involved.

There is the simple issue of the type of person we like. We all have preferences for a partner, from hair colour down to personality and character. This is perfectly valid and should not be an issue in the slightest. However, when we impose our personal preferences as a judgement onto others we have crossed the line into discrimination and bigotry.

But there's another reason why so many of the more "masculine" gays don't like the feminine ones. Sadly there is a generalisation that femme guys are petty and bitchy.

There's a reason we have generalisations - they are mostly true, and as a result tend to be applied to all who fit the general description.

Personally, I hate pettiness, gossip, backstabbing and bitchiness in anyone, and have very little time for it. One thing I've noticed as I interact with the broad LGBT community, is that femme guys in particular display these characteristics far too often, to the point of being predictable. I hate it with a passion! And I have to admit it puts me on guard whenever I meet effeminate guys. I don't want to, and I genuinely want to assume the best of every person I meet.

But despite my best intentions, time after time, effeminate guys seem to see the world through the lens of petty gossip.

As I said this is a generalisation, and I give my sincere apologies to all those beautiful people who don't fit this picture. I also have to say that in spite of this, I genuinely see the best in people and choose to exercise empathy to everyone. I will never discriminate against anyone. But I will choose the level of interaction I have with people in the interest of healthy boundaries.

So... after saying all this, what are we to do? Why is this so prevalent?

Lets look at it without involving sexuality or gender. If you met someone who was into belittling, gossiping and generally being shallow and self absorbed, would you avoid them and leave them to it? Straight girls... if you have a friend who is like that, you tend to avoid them for your own mental health. We all do!

This is the crux of the matter. An effeminate gay guy can be fun loving and absolutely beautiful. They can be caring and deeply compassionate, full of empathy and a great confidant. But there are many who you know you simply would not trust.

This really comes down to the personal paradigms of so many effeminate gays who have allowed themselves to be defined by their insecurities, abuse and rejection. These produce the underlying fears that result in this sort of behaviour. It's a problem that we desperately need to address, with compassion and unconditional love - not judgement and more rejection.

We really are a persecuted minority and we must support each other, but we must also be realistic and have the guts to examine our own biases and paradigms.

We are bigger than this. We must learn to love, to validate each other and ourselves.

My Legacy

Many people think that I'm "out and proud", and that my days of living in hidden trauma, depression and self loathing are long gone. 

I guess I do give that impression because I'm a passionate advocate for helping people untangle the mess of religion that causes untold damage to millions (and not just LGBT people). I speak about how amazing life is now that I'm free from the bondage and abuse from that belief system.

But there's a legacy (a very large legacy) that I live with - that most who have been through this sort of stuff live with.

Let me explain...

On one level I've never felt more at peace to be free from religion and dogma. I understand love in ways I never thought possible. Life is infinitely better!

But I lived a nightmare for most of my 60 years. I lived a life of shame and guilt - of being a failure, a "freak", faulty, rejected and deeply tormented for being something I couldn't change, which culminated in a meltdown after my wife died.

It's been a slow journey out of that mess, and the legacy of that life is deep and lingering. I'm on antidepressants and still have bouts of depression and anxiety. I have ADD that became far worse after the meltdown. I can't absorb complex technical information any more (I used to be a technical writer and Instructional Designer). My brain runs full tilt all the time, dancing from one thing to another without a word of warning. I get confused easily. I'm impulsive. I lose track of what I'm doing. It's not just old age, lol, although I'm sure that doesn't help! 

I struggle every day. It took me 2 years to write It's Life Jim... not only because of the time it took to untangle so much of the mess, but also because my mind doesn't operate in linear coherent ways any more (not that it was ever that good at it anyway). Some days I get up with the best of intentions and clarity only to find it turns to vapour the moment I start to be "productive". I practice mindfulness and go for long walks. I take time as best I can, to slow down. I like my wine and beer, and the odd bit of wacky weed to help slow down the endless barrage of chatter in my head.

I struggle with how most of my life was a complete waste, never finding peace or integrity, self worth and living a complete lie, damaging those closest to me, as well as myself. Sure, there's all the platitudes about my life's journey and nothing is a waste etc... I get that, really I do. But that doesn't help the deep scars left by the endless years of crap.

Daily, "normal" life is not something I do well. I'm one of the walking wounded, with a pronounced limp that I'm slowly realising may never go away. And yet, the paradox is I'm happier than I've ever been. A deep happiness and peace - so much better than my previous life.

One thing I can give, without hesitation, is my integrity and honesty about who I am, what I've done and where I'm at. I can only "share my journey" (cliche alert) with as much honesty as I'm capable of mustering, because that is the only thing any of us can do in the end. Sure I "preach" about the things that have set me free, and I'm passionate about everyone growing into real life and love without fear or dogma. But I'm just me, still discovering my own biases, how my paradigm works, how I affect others, how much I really live what I preach.

My favourite tag line is "Live loved". I'm still learning how powerful and profound those simple words are. Some days are better than others, but it's always a step forward.

The legacy of christianity, for me, is deep. I've seen the utter failing of it's core doctrines. I'm not as bitter as I used to be, and have always recognised that many beautiful, loving people have found a belief system that works for them. They are the ones who have shaped their beliefs around their own inherent beauty, rather than the reality of the belief system itself, but that's a whole other story, lol.

So I guess I'm saying that if I (or anyone) give the impression that I'm suddenly free and perfect after a lifetime of abuse, then sorry, it doesn't work like that.

Now, where's that beer?...

The Windowless World of Religion

I see christians (and other religious followers) argueing over doctrines and the fine points of theology...
I see all the countless hours of study into hermeneutics, exegesis, eschatology, etc...
I see the endless debates of literalism, fundamentalism, liberalism, universalism, preterism and all the other isms...
I see the authority structures built around this, the biblical roles and ministries...
The endless stream of books, articles, blogs, opinions, sermons, videos...
Centuries of bloody conflict - physical and psychological - abuse at every level...

The christian religion (as with all others) is a juggernaut that lives and moves under it's own momentum. It has created it's own world, governed by it's own god and it's own special scriptures. It has it's own world view and unique paradigms, all maintaining the relentless motion of this vast behemoth.

But it is, none the less, just one entity. It exists within millennia of other religious paradigms - other beliefs that take on a life of their own.

There are greater forces that unite us more than ANY religion, or spiritual practices. The way forward as a species is to be willing to mature beyond the needs that these beliefs meet - to let go of the insecurity and fear and embrace what is right in front of us. We already know what to do, how to live, how to love. We already ARE enough, and don't need the things that religions offer.

It's time to step out of the windowless dark buildings of religion, no matter how good they seem from the inside.

Love IS, embrace it, live it.

Respecting "the journey"

I treat this blog as a place to publicly process my ideas as I keep growing and moving through the maze of life {insert other appropriate clichés here}.

Because of this, I get labelled and boxed with monotonous regularity, and in some ways that's fair enough. We can't be expected to read between the lines or know the entire background and "paradigm" behind everyone's journey.

The thing is, although I present stuff that undermines religion and especially Christianity on a regular basis, I fully realise that this is MY journey.

I challenge and provoke, question the status quo, present new or alternative ideas, use critical thinking and rational thought (to the best of my ability) in my quest to understand the greater mysteries of life.

But I also realise that its taken me many years to get to this point, and I simply can't expect anyone else to suddenly accept that my ideas should be theirs.

There have been many people I've encountered over the years who presented ideas that were way beyond my paradigms, and I thought they were deceived, deluded and lost souls. But their words were seeds that took root until, when the conditions were right, started to shoot.

In hindsight, I'm incredibly grateful for those challenges, and often confrontations - they helped prise open the door of dogma.

I often feel I cross the line when challenging people and presenting highly provocative stuff. But when I think about the unique and subjective journeys that we are all on, I know that even if someone is offended now (and it's never my heart to offend), I've hopefully planted a seed that will start to grow some day.

I really do respect everyone's unique road through life. I have to! I had to grow at my own pace, absorb new stuff only as I was capable, be open to new ideas only as I saw the failing of old ones.

I guess I'm really trying to say that we have to respect the unique journey each of us is on, and yet not be afraid to lovingly confront and challenge with the goal of bringing truth and love to humanity, that we will continue to mature as a species and one day come to true unity in love.

Meme Me

Memes everywhere - silly, ugly, bigoted, ignorant, wise, profound, cats, you name it.

It seems our world is slowly being reduced into simple bite size chunks of information. This can be a great way to attract our attention and provoke us to read, research and ruminate, in order to grow and become better humans. On the other hand, it does little to expand our knowledge and broaden our perspectives, as most people either give it a quick glance, instantly decide if it agrees with their current paradigm and perhaps click the appropriate emoticon.

I've resisted the urge to create my own for this reason. It's too easy to be taken out of context and for people to put their own spin on it. However, that's exactly what we all do with just about everything we are exposed to - we see it through OUR eyes and interpret it through OUR paradigm.

It's only when we take the time and are really willing to hear and see, exercising empathy and a willingness to be open to change and growth, that the barrage of memes can be of any real use. Sure, they can help as little reminders to things we already know and agree with, but not when it comes to something that needs to be assessed and processed before passing any judgement on.

We see political, religious, philosophical and social memes, and quickly judge based on the rhetoric that we are already embracing, rather than looking at the deeper story, the context, trying to put aside our biases. But the meme is not designed for that. It's designed to be a fast and often aggressive tool to fire up emotions, divide and polarise.

I am constantly finding myself pausing to reflect on the endless meme stream, making an effort not to judge and allow myself to be swayed by unfounded claims, unchecked "facts', fear-mongering and hate speech. It's not easy!

I now usually post memes with the intention that they will be pondered and perhaps used to inspire further research. I always hope that people will realise that one tiny meme does NOT constitute the entirety of my intelligence, wisdom, experience or biases and react accordingly.

Except for cats. There's always cats.

Muslim musings & religious ramblings

With all the terrorist/Muslim rhetoric going around it's easy to get lost in it all.

I'm very impressed with, and totally support, the move to separate the extremist beliefs and actions from the mainstream Muslims, as I do with any religion. It's a sign of maturity and the ability to exercise non-reactive thinking.

It's also incredible that millions are coming to the realisation that we must respect each other's beliefs and aim for a deeper level of understanding and unity amongst all of humanity.

But I keep looking at religion in general. I mean ALL religion. And by that I mean the whole concept and need for religious belief systems.

Now if you're a regular reader of my rants and raves, you'll realise that I have constantly questioned the whole paradigm about our need for building religious systems.

We all do it - yes even me! We can't help it. We form ideas about the nature of life, God, the universe and everything, and formalise it into a system or structure that helps us to understand it better, and act on it. Even atheists do the same thing, the only real difference is their anti-theism viewpoint.

But we just can't help ourselves - we decide that our system of beliefs about the universe and spirituality are the best/most logical/most spiritual/most beneficial/most life changing/most... anything really...

We fail to realise that they are simply ways of seeing something that we just don't have the full depth of knowledge about yet. We don't know what the "spark of life" is that we all have. We don't know what was before the big bang. We don't know what's inside a black hole. We don't know so much!!

But we are learning!

200 years ago, we used religious belief systems to understand and describe things that we now completely understand in a rational and scientific way. The "need" for a religious belief system for these things has gone, because we can see how they work - no more mystery.

We are learning at an even more rapid rate, and areas like quantum physics are now explaining some of the most foundational questions about the "nature of everything". SO much is simply being stripped away from needing to be viewed in any religious belief system.

This is a wonderful thing, because it allows us to see the true value of our humanity, that transcends all religious/spiritual systems. Finally, we are beginning to see that science and spirituality are the same thing, and we are ready to move into this new level of understanding.

So back to my point...

Religion is the problem - not just accepting and respecting each other's beliefs, although that's an amazing and essential step on our journey - but the whole concept of religious systems is the problem. They can't help but separate at the most fundamental level. We can modify our religion and find the unity in the basics of every belief system (well, some of them at least), but they are still inferior and short-sighted stop-gaps that divide on some level, until the day when we will understand the true nature of life/consciousness/God etc.

I propose we keep aiming to move past religion in any form. That we simply recognise whatever belief system we have as a stepping stone - something we need as a source of comfort until we truly understand. We just have to look at the last 200 years to realise how redundant most of religion has become. And even my thoughts I'm expressing here are limited by my own perceptions, and I can already see holes in what I'm saying, lol. But if we don't express this stuff, if we don't discuss and realise these foundational issues, we will never grow and achieve the very thing that we ALL crave.

I am God!

Now that will get a lot of you shouting blasphemy and heresy!
Jim's finally lost the plot! The devil's taken his soul!
But hear me out, it's just food for thought...

I am God!

I'm not A God
I'm not THE God

But I'm God, we are God, God is US!

Every infinitesimal part of me - every quantum "particle" of vibrating energy is an integral part of God. We are indivisible. There is nothing that is not God.
The "pool" of universal energy (and that many call universal consciousness) that all energy arises from, is God.

Each of us, the totally unique assembly of incomprehensibly complex energies, is God. We are all part of God. We can't be greater than, or less than God, or each other, because we are all of the same life force. There is only energy. All that we see and experience with our senses is nothing more than synchronised energy that our mind uses to create the illusion of the "world" around us (that is a scientific fact).

Every religion has the essence of this incredible truth hidden in its teachings and writings somewhere. Often it's so hidden by semantics, ritual, legalism, authoritarianism, power structures etc, that it's lost to all but a handful who care to see through the tangled mess.

Every religion has tried to create an external God that looks like themselves, and declared this shabby, fickle image to be the only true God.

We are ALL God - every single one of us! We are ALL made of, part of, inseparable from God.

I know there are a million arguments as to why this could not be so. I know that what we experience of human nature flies in the face of this idea.
But what if it IS true?
What if the only problem is we have simply forgotten who we are?
What if when we look in the eyes of another human we are looking into the eyes of God?
What if we take the time to consider this and all it's implications?
What if all the dreamers, peace keepers, mystics and gurus are right?

I AM God - think about it - I mean, really think about it. Think about the fact that the way you perceive everything now - every thought process running through your head - is nothing more than a paradigm slowly built from the day you were born!

It's possible, more than possible, that we ARE God, God is US.

What to do about terror: Part 2

After my last blog I found that there is a very clear division between those who think that aggressive action is the only solution and those who think love is the only way forward.

The aggressive/pro-active side regard the love side as unrealistic dreamers at best, and at worst, welcoming the destruction of free, democratic society.

As I outlined in my last blog, I totally understand the pro-active aggressive stance, and acknowledge it's short term effectiveness.

Here's where I will challenge that, however, with every bit of energy I have. Violence ALWAYS breads violence. You cannot achieve peace with violence - ever. The peace that may be attained is only transitory, and history has proven this over and over and over.

The hippie movement slogan of "give peace a chance" was never accepted. Peace has never been given a chance. They said "love is all you need", but no one actually took the time to figure out how to love.

The hippies were prophets! They saw a power that could truly transform humanity but lacked the maturity to implement it. Many are now seeing this as the greatest truth that mankind can ever embrace. More powerful than any weapon of mass destruction. More life changing than any political system.

Love is the key. But so many fail to understand what love is and how to implement it in practical ways.

What is the one thing that every human being needs more than anything else? What is essential to the growth of every single child? What do we crave at the deepest possible level, even if we can't voice it or understand it?

LOVE!

Every terrorist, every "evil" person, everyone who inflicts acts of abuse, destruction and hate is lacking the experience of love! I think everyone would agree with that, but far too many say "so what!, we need to stop them and aggressive force and violence is the only way".

But here's the crunch - we've never actually tried to give them the love they so desperately need. We can do this on two levels - as nations and communities, and personally.

But this would involve humility. It would involve compassion and empathy - concepts that many of us refuse to exercise, simply because it requires us to put aside our agendas and actually listen to other people.

What would happen if we went to ISIS and all the other terrorists, with no agenda other than seeking to understand? What would happen if we were ready to accept the possibility that they may have genuine grievances against the west - that we actually had completely misunderstood them and they had genuine reason to hate us?

What if we recognised that they are reacting out of anger? That they are lost and broken, afraid and confused, that they can't see beyond their paradigms any better than we can?

If we take the lead, and extend the compassion, understanding and love they so desperately need would they act differently? Do WE have the guts to say "sorry, we haven't listened to you"? Can we honestly say "I understand why you are angry and view us as the enemy"?

It's time to get real. It's time to grow some balls and stop thinking like 5 year olds fighting over a toy. It's time to stop reacting. It's time to actually BE the mature people we claim to be. It's time to ignore the political agendas and talk heart to heart!

Love IS the most powerful thing in the universe, and when we realise that, everything will be different!

THIS MOMENT

Thanks to Jeff Foster for this amazing insight

THIS MOMENT, FRIEND, THIS MOMENT
This is for anyone who is going through a crisis, big or small.
Friend, I know that sometimes it feels like everything's falling apart, and even the most beautiful spiritual words sound like bullshit, meaningless, flowery, new-age drivel. We lose everything we thought defined us, or made us happy, everything that seemed to matter to us, and it feels like we will never recover. We are left in total despair, disappointment, disillusionment. It seems like 'the end', with no hope of recovery.
Yet in life, there are no true endings, only transformations, new beginnings emerging from rubble. Old dreams dying, the false falling away, which can be excruciatingly painful, of course, of course! Destruction, breakdowns, disruptions, shocks and losses, often feel like enemies, but always contain seeds of the new, and sometimes it just takes time to recover. This devastation you are going through, this crucifixion of dreams you feel, is an opportunity to let go of EVERY SINGLE IDEA you've ever had of how your life was "supposed to be", all those cherished dreams that were simply false, yet beautiful and useful at the same time (or even how your life never even seemed to get off the ground!).
The invitation today is to be present to your life, to wake up to it, to turn towards this immediacy, to dignify what is actually happening where you are. If there is loneliness visiting you here and now, do not turn away. If there is fear, do not push it away or try to escape. If there is frustration, anxiety, or just a quiet sense of hopelessness moving in you, do not reject these energies. They just want to be felt, now. They are not wrong. They are your lost children, orphans of awakening, and just want to move and be felt. Sometimes life brings us to our knees so that we will FEEL everything we've been running away from all our lives. And yes, the 'meeting' may hurt. But perhaps feeling the hurt is the beginning of healing, not the ending of it.
And watch the mind. How it constantly spins, rewinds and fast-forwards, constantly leaves the present scene of your life, here and now. Thought is constantly running away from the present moment. It goes into memory - of how good things were before, of how wonderful your life used to be. And it longs to return there. And it feels unable to. And despair results. Regret. Longing.
Homesickness. And it fast-forwards into the future, imagining all kinds of future scenarios, many dark and scary. It takes you into regions way beyond your control. And both movements into past and future disconnect you from where you are NOW, which is all there is. They take you away from your only point of power - this moment.
But this moment is all there is. This breath. These sensations. Present sounds, smells. Present beating of the heart, the feeling of your butt on the chair. A little bird singing on the tree outside. The buzz of the television over there. A feeling of contraction in the chest, tenderness in the throat. This is a call to radical, radical simplicity. To honouring the not-knowing. To admitting humility in the face of life. Without the story of past and future, can you really know that your life has 'gone wrong'? For that is the belief at the core of everything, isn't it? That your life has 'gone wrong'. That the 'me' has failed somehow. That the universe is cruel and somehow against you. It's an intelligent conclusion to make, yes. I won't judge you for it. But perhaps it's not the truth. Perhaps the mind doesn't know.
My friend, your disillusionment, your inability to believe all those spiritual teachings now, including my own, is not a mistake - it is pure intelligence at work! Your disillusionment is part of waking up, not the end of waking up! This is all an invitation to a deeper awakening than you ever thought possible. You are being forced to question everything - everything - including all those cherished spiritual teachings that once held so much value. You are being called to find your own authority, to let go of all those bullshit ideas about what 'a good life' means. You are being invited to let go of everything second-hand, everything old, everything received - from parents, teachers, gurus - everything in memory, and be present to life, raw and naked.
Sometimes we have to lose everything to remember our total humility, to remember that we are not in control, and that each moment is full of wonder and thrilling uncertainty. You are on a path of devastation now - it was exactly what Jesus was teaching.
This is not the end for you - it is the beginning of a new and different life, a new way of moving in the world, however hard that is to see. It is a time of renewal, of slowing-down, of discovering the abundance contained within the nothingness. A time to be kinder to yourself. There is so much potential for you, friend, even if you cannot believe that.
There have been many times in my own life when I felt unable to go on, unable to stand. I felt that I had lost everything, that nothing was possible, that the void was the only life. But I just didn't know what the universe had in store.
Even though you feel lonely and abandoned, frightened and angry, friend, know that many others are walking with you, and many others understand. You will write your own book of transformation one day.
This moment, friend. THIS moment.
- Jeff Foster

Do I hate christianity?

This isn't going to be an easy or short blog, just sayin...

Someone innocently said I hate christianity today. It was an interesting comment and I had to stop and think. I went for a walk (my default processing mechanism) and pondered this, pulling together all my random thoughts, sifting through my reactions, looking at how I've grown and changed over the last few years.

I decided that it was a serious comment I couldn't take lightly, even if it wasn't intended that way.

If you've read my book you would understand my journey and why I have left it behind.  I can still respect where people are at with it, and understand the comparative freedom and peace it brings to so many. Its just that I regard it as one of many stepping stones in our understanding of spirituality. It can be used or abused like any other belief system.

But...

Do I hate it? I have to weigh up everything I know about it over the 40+ years of being deeply devoted to Jesus. I was a Jesus purist in many ways, and always strived to see the reality of Christ through the "religion", although miserably failing most of the time to see all my glaring inconsistencies and hypocrisies!

I think "hate" is the wrong word, or at least just one in a long list. I have to sift through the emotions I've experienced and would say that they cover disappointment, frustration, confusion, embarrassment and a sense of "what a fool I was". I'm repulsed by the control and manipulation of religious leaders - big and small. I loath the self righteousness of fundamentalism and biblical literalism. There is a lot of deep emotion there, and hate may well be among it all.

Perhaps frustration is the primary emotion. Frustration at the unwillingness of christians in general, to be willing to see beyond their mindset. It's that whole sense of "we've got the ultimate truth", christianity is the only way any human can be "saved", and the absolute devotion to bibliolatry - the worship of the bible as the complete and only source of truth and the revelation of God in its entirety.

There is an inherent sense of arrogance in christianity (although most religions are the same to various degrees) that is repulsive. But it hooks people in. It's that sense of belonging to an elite club - the "saved", the "righteous ones", those who have "made it" into the kingdom. It builds complex doctrines enforced by centuries of tradition and dogma, twisted by cultural, political and social paradigms that constantly aim to reinforce the exclusive nature of christendom and its superiority to all other religion (again, many other religions also have the same mentality!)

I've written other blogs about why I think christianity works as a belief system, but does that mean I endorse it? Would I tell people who are looking for spiritual meaning to look at christianity as a viable option? Probably not!

If you are currently embracing the christian paradigm, then I would say that's fine, just don't "park" there, in the sense that you need to keep asking questions, explore, dig deeper and recognise dogma for what it is. Yes, the psychology behind christianity can provide a lot of comfort and peace, and that has it's place. It's an easy religion to use as a psychological booster, especially with it's concepts of scapegoating, sacrifice, forgiveness etc.

But it also encourages us to stop there, without questioning. It demands that we refuse anything outside of it's own paradigms and constructs. It builds complex and punitive doctrines to keep people at at that level of spirituality.

I could go on but you're probably bored by now!

So yeah, umm, do I hate christianity? Mostly, I guess I do. Despite the benefits it may have hidden in its doctrines, I hate it's passion for dogma, it's exclusiveness, its bigotry and patronising expression of love. So in those terms I hate ALL religions! I just don't have the working knowledge of all the other ones to speak with any authority.


For those few christians who manage to weave deeper spiritual truths and real love into their beliefs, I say congratulations and "go for it", and be prepared to keep growing, no matter where it takes you! But you are a minority and will suffer (something about the narrow road, lol).

Our real nature, the reality of who we are, of what the universe is and how it all works is so much bigger and better than the little christian religion that its almost laughable. Not that I have much to offer, apart from a passion to search, question, explore and live with as much integrity as we can!

For the Love of Facebook!

Facebook!!

What an amazing place!

Sometimes I think I spend way too much time there. I belong to about 50 groups (far too many to have meaningful contact with them all!). I have four of my own pages and a couple of groups, so yeah, I'm committed to this!

Some days I get overwhelmed. Too much crap! Depressing world news, pictures of people being tortured, children abused, all sorts of horror hitting me in the face, demanding my attention, emotions, responses, money, time. So much that I can do little or nothing about. So much that overwhelms, to the point of desensitising and just skimming over it all.

But then there are cats, and food, and babies, and funny memes...

There's also the friendships - with people you've never met. Some become quite deep and personal, others are just fun and flippant. I've had the wonderful fortune of meeting a couple of FB friends from overseas - and it was wonderful!!

But there's also a huge world of discussion, argument, conflicting views, exploring ideas, discovery, growth - and also the world of preaching, bigotry, hate, dogma, ignorance. There's a lot of really ugly stuff as well.

So why do we do it? Why do I spend so much time on it?

On one hand, I like it when I'm "Liked". I express some idea, post something funny or meaningful and the Likes come rolling in - it feels good. I post something controversial or challenging and get the Likes, the encouragement, the discussions and arguments, and it feels good to have triggered something bigger than myself.

On the other hand, I can get attacked. I can be vulnerable and have people take advantage of that. I can be abused, misunderstood and victimised by people completely unwilling to hear others, or who are just victims of their own biases and dogma. But it hurts, especially when you know they don't see you as a real person, with the same loves and passions and fears as all of us!

But on the other hand (Ok, three hands, but who's counting), I see a mass of humanity, all wanting to be understood, to be accepted, affirmed in their humanity, to be honoured for where they are at. People wanting to be loved.

I get torn. There's so much shallow thinking, so much obsession with meaningless stuff. So many who fail to see the most basic consequences of their thoughts and actions. People totally unaware of their paradigms and biases, who they are and what made them that way. People who are so self centred that they refuse to believe for a second that they could be wrong about anything.

I get torn because I know these people need love - more than anything else, they need to experience pure, unconditional love. But we also need to educate, to challenge - and some are so ignorant of the damage they inflict on other people that we can't simply sit back and let them go on.

Perhaps empathy is the key. When we stop and really want to understand others, to get inside their heads and feel the way they do, we might be able to respond in a way that brings life and healing.

Some christian circles might call it prophesy or "word of knowledge", but we don't need some wanky religious jargon to apply a basic human attribute. Empathy has nothing to do with our belief systems. It transcends any religion or dogma. Empathy is unconditional love. It's as simple as taking the time to listen without prejudice and put ourselves in their shoes.

Facebook! (and the entire internet/social media network) - we can make it a place of life and love. It's the most powerful tool for the growth of mankind that the world has ever seen!!

 

 

No more stuffing around

Over the last few years I've been through the process of completely re-assessing life in every way - from my sexual identity as a gay man to the very foundations of my spirituality.

Part of this process has been writing my story in the book "It's Life Jim.." (which I'm sure you've all read!). The other even more significant part of this has been the setting up of the Silent Gays project.

Interestingly, I've been dubbed a "christian gay author" in the media, although I didn't want to be stereotyped I thought what the heck, it helps me target the christian world.

But the problem is that I'm not really christian any more. I'm not trying to help christians understand that its ok to be gay and christian. I'm challenging the entire christian paradigm that created this mess in the first place!

I'm not particularly interested in doctrinal arguments (although I can engage at that level). I'm really trying to address the narrow minded bigotry that religion has created. I'm addressing the damage that it causes on every level.

My real heart for Silent Gays is to help LGBT people (and anyone really) who have had enough with religion and want a safe forum to explore, to question, to express anger, fear, abuse and frustration, to be amongst people who will actually listen without judgement and religious bias.

I've outgrown christianity. It was my "salvation" for most of my life and kept me alive, gave me a solid reference point that I could hang on to. I can respect those still in it, and completely empathise with their dependency and passion for it.  But its like a baby sitter that is no longer needed. It confined me to the safety of the nursery until I could step outside to see the enormity of all that is life.

So I'm dropping any pretence of trying to maintain credibility in christian circles. I'm going to aggressively (but lovingly) target those who have silently and painfully questioned everything for so long - who are torn apart inside, looking for something bigger and better - desperate for unconditional love and acceptance without any strings attached.

There are millions of people in this place, trapped by the fear of rejection by God and going to hell, terrified of the consequences of leaving, or even questioning, their current religious situation. And it's not just LGBT people, although they are my primary "target".

So I'll be refining my resource materials, tweaking the website, and working on getting the word out there.

Its time for the world to grow up and really understand what it is to live loved!

Life that brings death

I had a rave/rant with (well "at" really) a good friend about some fundamental christian principals.

I've noticed more and more, with myself and with countless others who have ditched traditional christianity, one of the most fundamental flaws with the belief system. It's not just a theological concern - its a life or death concern.

Many people embrace christianity because they are broken, beaten, abused and rejected. They have a self image that only the promise of new life in Christ can rebuild. They have had experiences that say "you are useless, a failure and your only hope is in something greater than yourself to lift you up and love you".

This sounds wonderful, and it is! It kept me alive, gave me the endurance I needed to continue with this life and a sense of being loved, mostly. The thought prevailed that no matter how broken and disgusting I was, Jesus saved me - I'm a sinner saved by grace.

There's a lot of theological discussion going around these days looking at the different aspects of the theology of Jesus, the "sacrifice", the example, taking on the "sins of the world", becoming sin so we don't have to reap the eternal consequences etc. Heaps of alternative views, and all backed by scripture - of course - that's always the case isn't it! Endless arguments all backed by scripture and everyone having the correct understanding (creating even more denominations/sects etc).

But that's not the point. Scripture is not my concern any more these days. Feel free to toss it around and analyse it into oblivion, but it makes no difference in the end. What does make a difference is life now.

The most fundamental flaw with christianity is that we are born sinful - that we are born into sin. We are sinful and broken from the day we are born because of a "condition" that has been passed down through all mankind from, well, from the "fall" apparently.

Why is this a problem? Because no matter how much we love Jesus, defer our perfection onto him, claim freedom from sin because of him, stand in God's love because of his sacrifice etc, the fact remains that we are still faced with the most fundamental doctrine that we are useless, doomed to fail, born filthy sinners - unworthy, unable to face God, except through his magnanimous sacrifice of Jesus.

It means that our value as humans is only through Jesus. We can argue the semantics and subtleties of doctrines. Yes there are many views that say that God loves us totally for who we are, but only after we accept Jesus. Some even say that God only sees Jesus when he looks at us.

Here's the problem in a nutshell, no matter how you try to frame it. All traditional christian doctrine suppresses our intrinsic value, our self worth, into something worthless - worse than worthless! We are born enemies of God! The deep damage this does can easily be seen if we can take a step back.

I see so many people who no matter how much they know that God loves them, still think they are only of any worth because of Jesus. This is crippling! It brings death where life was intended. I see people struggling with depression, failure, suicidality, because the very thing that "saved" them is killing them! Self love, self value, at a deep level is not only unachievable, it's undesirable, and even sinful. To love ourselves is supposedly pride, which was the greatest sin of all.

But Jesus said it - love your neighbour as yourself. Do you love yourself, or are you afraid? How can you love yourself because you'll end up full of pride. It will trap you and lure you into a life of hedonism and narcissism! You won't be even interested in loving others because you will become the centre of your life instead of Jesus.

What a sad delusion! There aren't any terms and conditions on loving yourself. You know why? Because loving yourself means treating yourself as you treat others, as you understand love, as you embrace unconditional love and compassion for yourself, as you live loved.

Jesus was a cool guy, but we were not born sinful and needed saving by him. Even he never said that (yes, you can read John 3:16 with a different lens, as you can most scripture). We are perfect! We are loved - we are love. We have simply been taught the lie that we are broken at the most fundamental level, so we live our lives, coloured by that. The lie goes deep and creates a paradigm that we refuse to acknowledge - a paradigm that cripples our growth as humans, that causes us to do unloving acts, because we think that's all we are capable of without Jesus' magic trick with God.

I constantly see people who have been crippled inside, come to life when they let go of the lie and begin to see that they are perfect and loved exactly as they are, right now. They realise that the only thing that stops them living loved is how they see themselves. It's not pride to love ourselves - its life! And I mean really love ourselves. Look in the mirror and love what you see. Look into your heart and love the child in there - the child who has been squashed and kicked and abused and told they only have any value because of some mysterious spiritual transaction.

Repent - which simply means change your mind! Change your mind about who you are. You were never broken, you don't need fixing or saving. You have simply believed a lie, so repent.

You can throw scripture at me, argue theology, whatever... It changes nothing. The fruit of our lives is the test. If whatever you believe doesn't bring life and love to yourself and everyone around you, you are believing a lie. If you aren't "living loved", you have completely missed the point.

At best, traditional christian doctrine can keep us alive, bring comfort, and help us have compassion and empathy for others. But it stops short of real life, real love, and giving us the ability to live to our fullness right now.

Seek ye first... pleasure!

The meaning of life?
Our purpose?
WTF are we here for?!

I've probably heard every philosophical and religious answer under the sun, as most of us have, and they are all valid in some way.

Religion gives us the most succinct answers in terms of serving our deity(s) of choice. We are created to serve, learn and grow in wisdom, bring love, spread the gospel, conquer the infidels and brings God's rule to earth. All very tidy answers and for many, they are good enough to get on with life as best we can.

Others devote their lives to understand life within the confines of those paradigms, and are happy, and often ignorant of deeper truths, sometimes simply because here and now is too full on to give such things much thought. We perform the daily rituals of life and die hoping that we'll end up in the company of our deity unscathed.

But underneath all that, there is a driving force. A force that no matter how we wrap it up and disguise it, no matter how much philanthropy we throw at it, no matter how much love and sacrifice we struggle with, there is only one thing that we all look for, motivates us, and gives meaning:

Pleasure!

Yes, Jim has lost the plot. All those years of being a passionate christian and serving God with all my heart have finally come down to this self-centred, egotistical, hedonistic cop-out!

But wait!! Of course I'm not going to write a blog as lame as that.

Here's the thing... everything we do and believe is with the ultimately hope of bringing contentment and happiness, which is pleasure.
I want to experience love because it's pleasurable.
I want to love others because it gives me pleasure when they respond.
I want a better world because I will experience more pleasure.
I give because it gives me pleasure.
I receive, because it gives me pleasure.
I help others in their pain because it gives me pleasure.

It's not dependent on the immediate response in any situation. The pleasure is derived from knowing that I have done something "good". I hope for "heaven" because there I will experience pleasure. I tell people they can also find pleasure here and now, because it brings me pleasure to do so!

The only thing that gives us meaning and purpose is pleasure. And yet we are taught that pleasure is "evil" or at least a "fleshly" pursuit that we must sacrifice to attain true holiness.

But even without the direct influence of religion, society has a concept of pleasure that is limited to sensual desire in some way, or simply having fun.

So where am I going with this? We cannot survive without experiencing pleasure in our deepest self. Our heart/spirit/soul craves it. Without it we become bitter and angry.

I'm not talking about the pleasure a psychopath experiences or other forms of severe mental illness. I'm talking about you and me, genuine people who mean well and want the best out of life. For us, love is the key - and why love? because it makes us feel good - it brings us pleasure, it brings everyone around us pleasure which in turn gives us more pleasure.

My greatest pleasure has been learning how to love myself - unconditionally. I'm learning that to experience that pleasure is central to me being able to love - on every level. I can't give until I have received. I can't give pleasure until I've experienced pleasure deep inside my heart!

What am I?

I've been chatting with one of my besties about just tearing apart the traditions of religion, the bible, the church and even the basic premises of christianity, but not putting forward a positive alternative.

It's something that I often worry about, and I must confess there is a lot of satisfaction in attacking that which has caused myself, and countless others, far more damage than we realised.

I'm still a recovering fundamentalist with a lot of deep hurts and a lifetime of cognitive dissonance to work through. I have had to face issues of faith head on, and be (hopefully) honest and open enough to go wherever that leads.

I can only speak out of my own paradigm, and share what has been involved with becoming aware of that paradigm and all its implications. It's a long journey, and I've been encouraged to share that journey by many who have been inspired or can relate in some way to it.

So these days I get asked if I'm a christian... what are my beliefs... why don't you spell out what you are trying to say...

But I can't answer these questions, because trying to define who I am in these terms is a major part of the problem. We are so hooked on certainty, to the point that we will kill to maintain it; the idea of not having a clear label to categorise and assess everyone with is completely untenable.

I just can't offer another religious platform to replace what I'm tearing down. Unless you can call my bottom line of love a religion - which I guess it is in a way!

So here it is - you can label me with this if you want, if you can put a name to it, its the best I've got so far. Are you ready for it? Its really complicated and full of profound depth! OK? Deep breath...

Love everyone, no matter what.

Now if you can fit your own religious constructs and paradigms around that and maintain that bottom line, then we are doing well. Believe what you want! But if that's not the bottom line then your beliefs are detrimental to humanity. After 58 years, its all I'm left with. And you know what? It feels good! It's awesome actually, to be able to let go and let love be the ONLY "rule".

Some say its too idealistic and simplistic and doesn't relate to reality - that we need complex moralities, belief systems, legal systems... we can't be trusted, we are corrupt at the core, we are incapable of anything good, we always resort to our ego driven selfishness, and on and on with why love just isn't enough.

I call bullshit! Yeah, it means we have to stop, use some self control and take responsibility for our actions and thoughts. Sure its a process, its a journey. We can make it simple or complicated. Most importantly we can BE love to everyone else. And when we can't, we can receive love until we CAN give it.

Have we ever thought that instead of judging and condemning, demanding justice, rights, taking offense and wanting retribution, we should simply encourage each other to see love in everything? Seriously - if we simply challenged each other to live with empathy - if we helped each other to find a solution based in love - if we assessed every situation in life with "is it love?", "will it produce love?"...

Remember, its a process, we aren't looking for perfection - just a willingness to live loved.

Its friggin simple!! I care naught for religious constructs any more. If you think the bible can help you to live loved, and can be bothered spending years sorting through it all, then go for it, and I'll respect that. If you think the Koran, or any holy writings will help you live loved, then awesome - do it! But I'll keep challenging anything that crosses that bottom line of love. I care not for sacred cows and taboos. If any doctrine (no matter what "scriptural" support it may have) requires endless mental gymnastics to make it "love", then you can stick it where the sun don't shine.

Once we have that fundamentally rooted and grounded as the only basis for life, then we can ponder "greater" issues - not the other way round.

Yes, for me at least, there is a better way, a way that is so simple that we keep missing it, because we keep wanting the fruit from that old "tree of the knowledge of good and evil". Yep, we have been duped by that tree for sure. The "Eden" life isn't some stupid ideal - it's already in us if we can be bothered to look for it.

Like I keep saying over and over, and will continue to say...

Live loved!!!!

Confession time!

I'm up to over 1200 friends on Facebook
Every time I look at my computer there are usually 50 or more notifications staring at me.
My Silent Gays page has about the same number.
This blog also gets a lot of hits!

Sometimes I think I'm only a few clicks away from disaster. I could post something that would over step the mark and lose all my christian friends. Or I could post something really christian and be subject to mocking from my atheist friends (although not very likely these day)

I feel like I walk a narrow line, of respecting and honoring people's personal journeys, and challenging religious paradigms. I have a christian heritage that I hate and love at the same time. I can relate to all the horror stories about religion. I know exactly how my atheist friends feel about the psychopathic God christianity has created. I understand and embrace the so called "new age" ideas of universal unity and love. But I also understand the validity of core chrsitian beliefs - I've seen how well they work for many, the psychological value as part of their journey.

And I still have my own journey to walk. Every day I discover more about who I am, my personal paradigms, what drives me, my reactions and passions, my impatience and deeper anger. I surprise myself some days, when I get angry with my son, or so easily judge that strange person in the supermarket.

There are people now looking to me as one who has insight. Hey - I've written a book and run a support network!

But I'm just me, still one click away from posting something really stupid, of offending someone who is genuine and simply doing the best they can.

Perhaps I just want to please everyone, to find acceptance. Not surprising given what I've been through. But I do feel the pain that so many others experience at the hands of religion pretending to be Christ-like. I feel the emotional and spiritual abuse that is dealt out to millions in the name of Christ. But I can't burn my bridges when I want to still reach into the church and love the unloved and abused.

It's my passion, and yeah, sometimes I'm just one click away from "fuck it".

So there you have it. It's quite a responsibility looking at all those "friends" and "likes", and knowing that people are actually reading my book. Please remember that I'm just a human like you. I question everything, make far too many mistakes (just ask my son), offend people, and don't ask me to organise anything bigger than a cup of coffee!

Respect and Paradigms

I went to a funeral yesterday. Cam Rimmer, a Kiwi christian legend, highly respected across all flavours of church and denominations.

He was one of the most lovable, kind, big-hearted men I've ever known. He was larger than life, fun loving, full of stories and laughter, but deeply compassionate and caring in a way that few experience. And it was just naturally who he was.

His life experience was hard. He'd been through it all, and used every tragedy to create new stories that inspired and touched everyone. He made everyone feel like his best friend.

He influenced my own life as well on many occasions. We'd chatted often, sometimes for hours, and I'd always feel better for it.

A truly rare and wonderful man.

It was his faith that gave him life. His love for Jesus and God's Father heart oozed out of every pore. It was the most real, genuine and "lived" faith I've seen - a faith of integrity that had love at it's core. I honour his life, influence and memory.

Cam also founded Living Waters in New Zealand.

I was involved with Living Waters in Australia and NZ off and on for around 15 years - drawn by the deep love for God and the desire to bring healing and life to people struggling with all sorts of "brokenness" - relationships, addictions, abuse and trauma, and sexuality, including homosexuality. It promised life and freedom from addictive patterns of sin, of which homosexuality was one of the most common they dealt with.

What I realised during the funeral service though, was the depth of our paradigms. Cam lived with natural integrity and his ideas about sexuality were well grounded in what he and the Living Waters organisation assumed the bible, and therefore God, thought about it all. The doctrines and methods they espouse are built on complex interpretations, mixed with some basic psychology, to create something that appeals to those who see themselves as broken.

I'll be writing a lot more about Living Waters and other groups like them soon, but my point here, is that despite the immense heart of love and compassion that Cam (and many others) have, their "religious" paradigm shapes and directs that love and passion in ways that are deeply flawed. Ways that despite the best of intentions, can produce the exact opposite of what is intended.

I genuinely love Cam. But I also hurt for all the people who now live lives of religious delusion and obsession, deeply repressed identity issues, cognitive dissonance, and worst of all, called sinners for something that isn't sin.

A day of very mixed emotions. A deeper respect for the love and genuine heart of so many in this type of ministry, but a deeper determination to break the religious strangle hold of christianity on beautiful LGBT people who are assumed to be dirty broken sinners, and suffering the consequences of that sin.

Good christianity?

Sorry folks, been neglecting the old blog lately, mostly because of  trying to publish my book, which I hope you are all cuing up to buy a copy as we speak!

Been a lot of stuff buzzing around my brain cell, but I shall briefly mention my most recent thoughts.

I blogged a while back about why Christianity works, which is kind of a strange statement, especially if you have left the confines of christian dogma. Despite my own theological/spiritual views these days, I'm learning to look at the inherent value of religious traditions and belief systems.

I still battle with the damage that church has inflicted on me. Just when I think its OK, I find myself reacting to things people say, cliches and christianese, religious dogma and bigotry. Still got a way to go!

But I've been trying to respect the faith that kept me going all my life in terms of what it is that makes it "work". I'm not talking about the correct doctrines and whether or not the bible is God's written word or Jesus was actually God incarnate etc. No, I'm talking about why it fills a need so effectively and can bring real life changing benefits, peace and joy to people.

It seems that whatever language and theology we build around it, there are spiritual principles that are just the way the universe is. Christianity provides a way of accessing and utilising these principles, often very effectively. What are these principles? Well, that's something I'm (and millions of others) are slowly coming to terms with.

There are things like the Law of Attraction, Positive Affirmation, Karma (and lots of dreaded "new age" stuff, lol) and even things that quantum physics is revealing, that seem to be at the deepest level of all we are. Of course, its all open to dispute, but the door is open, people are seeing a far bigger universe than any one religion has ever offered. Christianity has become just one aspect of universal spirituality.

Most fundamental/traditional christians will say that everything else is deception and lies created by the devil to deceive us from the truth, that Jesus alone is the way. I know, I used to be one of the most adamant about it! I could define everything in terms of Jesus being the only truth and everything else a lie, and because the devil was so good at creating this deception, it meant that there was nothing anyone could say to convince me otherwise.

Fortunately there were cracks in the system that started to be prized open by discovering the depth of grace - the revelation of God's unconditional love that has now become the "grace movement". But even that has just been a stepping stone for many people, although for most they are happy to stay with that revelation, and once again fall into the trap of everything else being lies and deception.

But despite all that, there are universal principles. Prayer for example. People focusing and meditating, speaking love and blessing, calling things that "aren't as if they are" through a deep faith in that process, brings results, whether its christian or not. There is a law/principle/whatever at work that goes beyond christian doctrine.

Then there is the central aspect of Jesus and all that he stands for - his words and actions, his own beliefs and passions - all that we ascribe to him - that provides a point of deep universal identification with humanity and spirituality. There's something for everyone!

Its a huge subject, and I may keep throwing around ideas and digging deeper as part of another book!

I totally understand wanting to completely ditch christianity, especially after seeing the gaping holes of logic, reason, morality and ethics that are obvious to anyone outside of that paradigm. And I totally understand the pain and distress so many have suffered under the abuse of churches and religion. I really get that.

But I'm learning to respect what much of christianity DOES get right, and how effective it can be in bringing life and love. I will continue to tear apart religion that doesn't bring life - religion that is nothing more than a license for bigotry, hate and abuse. There is a lot of evil in the church, and the institution is past it's use-by date, but the spirit of Jesus and all he stood for can and does bring life and love.

And of course, in the end, all that matters is living loved!

Yes folks, it's finally available!

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The False Assumption

We assume we need holy texts. We also assume that nature is flawed along with  humans.
What I've discovered is that most religions (especially christianity) are complex systems built on those assumptions.

What if we are actually perfect, exactly as we should be, but all that is missing is our realisation of that?

Every single person created knows what love is. Its inherent in our deepest psych. We may not understand it fully or have experienced it, but the deep longing for unconditional love is absolutely universal. In fact, its the only thing that truly is universal.

The only thing that brings life and healing is love.

The bible myth about the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" expresses the basis of the problem - we keep choosing to look at everything in terms of right and wrong instead of love. Even Paul in the New Testament, hinted at it often with statements like "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial".

The people we all most admire and respect as examples are those who live from that place of unconditional love. They don't judge, they simply love.

We don't need any holy writings for this. Its already who we are. We simply need to acknowledge it, and "repent" - a word that literally means to just change your mind. That's it!! Just change your mind about who you are.

Sure we will still act in unloving ways as we gradually learn our true identity, but all we have to do is be responsible for any mess we make. That's all there is to it!

Its living loved. Everything else is a distraction.

We think we need endless books and sacred writings of wisdom that talk of how and what to do to be good people - but we already are perfect people - we have just been convinced that we aren't by choosing to judge right and wrong instead of living loved.

Its a massive paradigm shift, but myself and millions over the centuries (all history I guess) have discovered that this really is the narrow road - its the real gospel, and the only thing that brings real freedom and the "fruit of the spirit". Its taking responsibility for who we really are, not shifting that responsibility on to the shoulders of others.