When Does Life Begin?

My opinions only - but carefully considered ones none the less! And I do love opening cans of worms to see what will happen!

Abortion has been a hot topic for a long time. But when we sift through all the arguments, it comes down to one simple question:

When does life actually begin?

I have no answer, and despite the best efforts of millions, I really don't think anyone does. Here's the problem as I see it...

Starting with eggs and sperm -  are these pre-human forms alive? Kind of. I mean sperm are definitely wiggling around waiting to do their job, and eggs are sitting around waiting for the brave little sperms to do their thing. But are they human? Most would say they aren't, but they are alive.


Then the moment they get together they form complete DNA and begin to divide. So are they human babies at that moment? Do they instantly become endowed with a soul/spirit and that point and become conscious? Do they slowly become "humans" over a period of time? If so, how long and how can we tell?

What if we back track to the eggs and sperm. Let's face it, millions of sperm die all the time, whether we like it or not, and most of a woman's eggs die too. So these half human "things" are carelessly discarded by our bodies anyway. So do we assume that it's not until the sperm penetrates the egg that human life begins? Or is it when the first cell divides? Or is it when the first "blob" of cells start to look like a human form? Then again, the first steps beyond the "blob" look like fish.

Perhaps it's a slow "awakening" to consciousness in the womb. But is "consciousness" the determining factor, or is the potential itself enough to go on? The more we look at the complexity, the more we have to admit there is no clear line - no point at which we can say "this is a human" and to terminate this is "murder".

Personally, I think we are a long way from knowing. Would I condone abortion? That's the million dollar question for all of us, and I would say we have no right to judge either way. That isn't a cop out, it's simply a way of saying I believe it's up to the conscience of the mother. No one else has that right - ever!

Full term abortions? They are rare, and will never be something that people will accept, simply because most women would not even go there after carrying a foetus for 9 months. Up to 3 months? Again, it's an arbitrary line we draw in the sand, pretending we know when the blob of cells becomes human. And again, I would say it's always the choice of the mother.

There are so many arguments either way, but let's face it, if you are a christian, why are you concerned? Surely you believe an innocent foetus would go straight to heaven anyway? A few moments of suffering through an abortion would be more than offset by a shortcut to heaven!

There is no argument either way. It's a non issue, despite our most heart felt and passionate beliefs. Only the mother has the right to decide. She may need help to do so, but not judgement. It's never going to be easy, simply because we all know that somewhere along the line that foetus will become a conscious baby.

It's time to find more important issues. Love the mother, no matter what her circumstances, and let her decide. She has the right decide what is going on in her body, whether we like it or not.

Let's focus our energy on issue involving those who are suffering here and now - fully conscious and self aware - creatures who have experienced the joy and pain of life. These are the ones who truly need our care. And that includes the mothers who, for whatever reason, may be considering an abortion!

Praying in disasters.

We all do it! Even if it's not to THE God (whichever one that me be), but we all cry out to something outside of ourselves when things get desperate. Unless you are a die-hard atheist I guess.

We want god to rescue us, change the situation, do something to change what seems inevitable.

Time and time again, in the face of a disaster, people are called to prayer. Government officials, churches, relief organisations... all will end up saying things like "all we can do is pray". Churches hold big prayer meetings, and the government might even announce a national day of prayer.

We never seem to learn from history how ridiculous this actually is! God never turns up to save the day - ever!


Some people may be spared, and call it a miracle and praise god for being so blessed, and yet countless others may be killed or devastated. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It's completely random. And yet we persist in thanking god for those who do make it through. We feel sorry for those who don't make it and pray for god's mercy and grace for them and their families but fail to recognise how absurd the entire belief really is.

Those who do allow themselves to question it all work hard to invent doctrines about why god allows such things. But ultimately it always ends up that "his ways are mysterious" or "higher than ours" etc. I was recently watching a thread where this very issue was brought up, and not one of the numerous comments actually addressed the issue. They skirted around it with the whole idea of who are we to question god, as well as the usual platitudes that god works with these things to refine us, to give us wisdom and strength.

Now there certainly is some truth to the fact that if we come through disasters and hardship it is possible to learn to see the world in a much more philosophical way and develop a deep strength of character etc. It's possible. For many though, it's the opposite, and they find themselves broken and wounded, with deep scars. Either way, god is not involved - it's a response formed by the strength or frailty of our own mental health.

If you find comfort in your faith, then that's awesome. If it brings you life and makes you a loving, caring, compassionate person, then great. But lets drop the notions that this god is somehow involved in the whole dynamic of disasters - either large catastrophes or small daily disasters.

What really matter is how we respond in the face of any disaster. If we can find some internal peace and strength, with enough left over to extend compassion to those around us, then we have responded with integrity and love.

Stop wasting time praying. Stop looking for reasons. Stop blaming society or gays or whatever.

The strength you need is in you already. If anything, develop mindfulness and meditation skills, because they will bring a genuine peace and stability to our minds and a clarity to react with love and grace.

Suicide

My Legacy

Many people think that I'm "out and proud", and that my days of living in hidden trauma, depression and self loathing are long gone. 

I guess I do give that impression because I'm a passionate advocate for helping people untangle the mess of religion that causes untold damage to millions (and not just LGBT people). I speak about how amazing life is now that I'm free from the bondage and abuse from that belief system.

But there's a legacy (a very large legacy) that I live with - that most who have been through this sort of stuff live with.

Let me explain...

On one level I've never felt more at peace to be free from religion and dogma. I understand love in ways I never thought possible. Life is infinitely better!

But I lived a nightmare for most of my 60 years. I lived a life of shame and guilt - of being a failure, a "freak", faulty, rejected and deeply tormented for being something I couldn't change, which culminated in a meltdown after my wife died.

It's been a slow journey out of that mess, and the legacy of that life is deep and lingering. I'm on antidepressants and still have bouts of depression and anxiety. I have ADD that became far worse after the meltdown. I can't absorb complex technical information any more (I used to be a technical writer and Instructional Designer). My brain runs full tilt all the time, dancing from one thing to another without a word of warning. I get confused easily. I'm impulsive. I lose track of what I'm doing. It's not just old age, lol, although I'm sure that doesn't help! 

I struggle every day. It took me 2 years to write It's Life Jim... not only because of the time it took to untangle so much of the mess, but also because my mind doesn't operate in linear coherent ways any more (not that it was ever that good at it anyway). Some days I get up with the best of intentions and clarity only to find it turns to vapour the moment I start to be "productive". I practice mindfulness and go for long walks. I take time as best I can, to slow down. I like my wine and beer, and the odd bit of wacky weed to help slow down the endless barrage of chatter in my head.

I struggle with how most of my life was a complete waste, never finding peace or integrity, self worth and living a complete lie, damaging those closest to me, as well as myself. Sure, there's all the platitudes about my life's journey and nothing is a waste etc... I get that, really I do. But that doesn't help the deep scars left by the endless years of crap.

Daily, "normal" life is not something I do well. I'm one of the walking wounded, with a pronounced limp that I'm slowly realising may never go away. And yet, the paradox is I'm happier than I've ever been. A deep happiness and peace - so much better than my previous life.

One thing I can give, without hesitation, is my integrity and honesty about who I am, what I've done and where I'm at. I can only "share my journey" (cliche alert) with as much honesty as I'm capable of mustering, because that is the only thing any of us can do in the end. Sure I "preach" about the things that have set me free, and I'm passionate about everyone growing into real life and love without fear or dogma. But I'm just me, still discovering my own biases, how my paradigm works, how I affect others, how much I really live what I preach.

My favourite tag line is "Live loved". I'm still learning how powerful and profound those simple words are. Some days are better than others, but it's always a step forward.

The legacy of christianity, for me, is deep. I've seen the utter failing of it's core doctrines. I'm not as bitter as I used to be, and have always recognised that many beautiful, loving people have found a belief system that works for them. They are the ones who have shaped their beliefs around their own inherent beauty, rather than the reality of the belief system itself, but that's a whole other story, lol.

So I guess I'm saying that if I (or anyone) give the impression that I'm suddenly free and perfect after a lifetime of abuse, then sorry, it doesn't work like that.

Now, where's that beer?...

The Psychological Legacy

If you've read my book "It's Life Jim..." you'll be familiar with how my mental state was affected by my life of battling sexuality with religion and the constant fight with depression and suicide ideation.

When my wife died it all came to a head and I had a "meltdown" or whatever you want to call it. The symptoms were a relentless combination of heavy depression (like walking around covered in a wet dark blanket, unable to think beyond the pain and confusion that keeps pounding your head), Intense anxiety attacks (that created a physical gnawing in the gut, confusion, a strange disassociation from my environment and a feeling that I was about to burst into tears), and an escalation of ADHD symptoms (lack of focus, restlessness, confusion, thought's racing etc).  The suicide ideation thankfully went!

This lead to counselling and medication and living on the benefit. There was no way I could hold down a job!

Nearly six years later I'm doing pretty good, but there's the legacy that I just have to live with despite my best efforts. All of these symptoms are still around. Yes, I get days where the depression hits (although nothing like it was) and I still get anxiety attacks, and the ADHD symptoms are the bane of my life.

I've learnt the triggers (mostly) and how to handle it all. I can sense better when I might take a nosedive, and I know how to "roll" with it and not be fearful.

But it's still there. This is the legacy of a life ruled by religious control, cognitive dissonance, self loathing and emotional abuse. Will it ever go away? I'd like to think so, but I'm not holding my breath.

It's like this for countless others. We are presumed to be over it and "all better now". Sure, we've moved on and even enjoy life in ways we never dreamed of. My life is fantastic and fulfilling. But the legacy quietly lives on, reminding us daily.

Be gentle with yourself.
Learn your weaknesses and accept them.
Roll with them, don't fight them.
Find the best way through it - socialise or retreat - talk to people or hide in your cave... there's no right or wrong, just whatever enables you to move through it safely.
Get help if needed, any time, don't be a martyr.

Life is good, no matter what the past has done to us. Life is rich and full of wonder and love.
Live it!!