Thanks to Jeff Foster for this amazing insight
THIS MOMENT, FRIEND, THIS MOMENT
This is for anyone who is going through a crisis, big or small.
Friend, I know that sometimes it feels like everything's falling
apart, and even the most beautiful spiritual words sound like bullshit,
meaningless, flowery, new-age drivel. We lose everything we thought
defined us, or made us happy, everything that seemed to matter to us,
and it feels like we will never recover. We are left in total despair,
disappointment, disillusionment. It seems like 'the end', with no hope
Yet in life,
there are no true endings, only transformations, new beginnings emerging
from rubble. Old dreams dying, the false falling away, which can be
excruciatingly painful, of course, of course! Destruction, breakdowns,
disruptions, shocks and losses, often feel like enemies, but always
contain seeds of the new, and sometimes it just takes time to recover.
This devastation you are going through, this crucifixion of dreams you
feel, is an opportunity to let go of EVERY SINGLE IDEA you've ever had
of how your life was "supposed to be", all those cherished dreams that
were simply false, yet beautiful and useful at the same time (or even how your life never even seemed to get off the ground!).
invitation today is to be present to your life, to wake up to it, to
turn towards this immediacy, to dignify what is actually happening where
you are. If there is loneliness visiting you here and now, do not turn
away. If there is fear, do not push it away or try to escape. If there
is frustration, anxiety, or just a quiet sense of hopelessness moving in
you, do not reject these energies. They just want to be felt, now. They
are not wrong. They are your lost children, orphans of awakening, and
just want to move and be felt. Sometimes life brings us to our knees so
that we will FEEL everything we've been running away from all our lives.
And yes, the 'meeting' may hurt. But perhaps feeling the hurt is the
beginning of healing, not the ending of it.
And watch the mind.
How it constantly spins, rewinds and fast-forwards, constantly leaves
the present scene of your life, here and now. Thought is constantly
running away from the present moment. It goes into memory - of how good
things were before, of how wonderful your life used to be. And it longs
to return there. And it feels unable to. And despair results. Regret.
Homesickness. And it fast-forwards into the future,
imagining all kinds of future scenarios, many dark and scary. It takes
you into regions way beyond your control. And both movements into past
and future disconnect you from where you are NOW, which is all there is.
They take you away from your only point of power - this moment.
But this moment is all there is. This breath. These sensations. Present
sounds, smells. Present beating of the heart, the feeling of your butt
on the chair. A little bird singing on the tree outside. The buzz of the
television over there. A feeling of contraction in the chest,
tenderness in the throat. This is a call to radical, radical simplicity.
To honouring the not-knowing. To admitting humility in the face of
life. Without the story of past and future, can you really know that
your life has 'gone wrong'? For that is the belief at the core of
everything, isn't it? That your life has 'gone wrong'. That the 'me' has
failed somehow. That the universe is cruel and somehow against you.
It's an intelligent conclusion to make, yes. I won't judge you for it.
But perhaps it's not the truth. Perhaps the mind doesn't know.
friend, your disillusionment, your inability to believe all those
spiritual teachings now, including my own, is not a mistake - it is pure
intelligence at work! Your disillusionment is part of waking up, not
the end of waking up! This is all an invitation to a deeper awakening
than you ever thought possible. You are being forced to question
everything - everything - including all those cherished spiritual
teachings that once held so much value. You are being called to find
your own authority, to let go of all those bullshit ideas about what 'a
good life' means. You are being invited to let go of everything
second-hand, everything old, everything received - from parents,
teachers, gurus - everything in memory, and be present to life, raw and
Sometimes we have to lose everything to remember our total
humility, to remember that we are not in control, and that each moment
is full of wonder and thrilling uncertainty. You are on a path of
devastation now - it was exactly what Jesus was teaching.
is not the end for you - it is the beginning of a new and different
life, a new way of moving in the world, however hard that is to see. It
is a time of renewal, of slowing-down, of discovering the abundance
contained within the nothingness. A time to be kinder to yourself. There
is so much potential for you, friend, even if you cannot believe that.
There have been many times in my own life when I felt unable to go on,
unable to stand. I felt that I had lost everything, that nothing was
possible, that the void was the only life. But I just didn't know what
the universe had in store.
Even though you feel lonely and
abandoned, frightened and angry, friend, know that many others are
walking with you, and many others understand. You will write your own
book of transformation one day.
This moment, friend. THIS moment.
- Jeff Foster