The Unchanging God

One of the great tenets of Christianity is the "unchanging god" - the same yesterday, today and tomorrow - his character is solid and is never indecisive, always full of love, mercy and justice. We can count on him because he is always constant, in every way.

The truth though, is a bitter pill to swallow, a pill that most christians refuse to acknowledge.

For those christians who see god as totally loving and full of grace, they have had to shed the idea of the "monster god" of the Old Testament, and to do that, there's a large problem. 

To make god really as good as we say, we have to cherry pick the bible. God should be good of course, and we know that, however fundamentalists and traditional christians are trapped in the idea that you have to adhere to the entire bible, which is impossible, so you end up like the Jews - creating a god in your own image, and a nasty one at that.
 
Even the new testament has a lot of the old nasty god in it, which we have to tiptoe around to make a much better religion than the bible presents.
 
In reality, the christianity that most sane people like is one we have constructed out of morals and ethics far superior to those of biblical times.

However we don't see it that way. We use the term "doctrines" to describe the new beliefs that we stitch together from these cherry picked scriptures. I spent years doing this myself, and could justify it all with "scholarly exegesis".

I think this is actually a good thing, as we outgrow the primitive tribalistic god of the bible, but lets just call it for what it is - we are creating/modifying god into our own image - an image that reflects our evolving spiritual understanding, morals and love. 

The day will come when we see the bible for what it really is rather than worship it as a god actually speaking to us. Perhaps the only hold that traditional christianity will have over people is the fear of the unknown - what happens when we die. This is the last bastion of fear that we can be threatened with, and the last thing we need to come to terms with before shedding the old and walking in real love and unity as the beautiful creatures we really are.

The danger of the "grace" movement

If you are a christian you have probably heard of the Grace Movement.

Of course, as with all doctrines, there are different versions, but we'll stick with the basic concept -  that Jesus died for our sins once and for all. This might not sound like a big deal, but the implications are that sin is no longer an issue, we are always "saved" and are free to live in a state of constant love and approval by God.

As an ex-fundamentalist I found the idea the only thing that made any sense. There were far too many holes in christian logic and reasoning, and the mentality of most christians I found to be one of wilful ignorance based on fear.

The Grace "revelation" (based on the writings of Paul) revealed a gospel of love - real love. Not the ridiculous conditional excuse for love that the church has pedalled for so long. I was presented with a God that made sense, one that really did care for ALL humanity.

The problem with this doctrine however is it requires us to rethink parts of the bible and how we interpret them. This has caused division and cries of heresy (of course) as people immediately forget the struggles of guys like Luther.

In the end, traditional christians can't handle the new doctrines because they are too good. They make a mockery of centuries of self sacrifice in an effort to be holy. It destroys the need for obedience to "the law". It negates the desperate cries for annointings and favour from God. In general, it creates havoc with nearly all traditional doctrines other than the basic idea that Jesus died for our sins. Beyond that, everything is up for grabs!

The big danger however, is that the grace movement leads us straight out the door of christianity forever! And that, my friends, is as it should be!

Christianity became superfluous, simply because apparently Jesus fixed up everything for everyone for all time, so nothing to bother about! From there it was an easy step to seeing that it was all ridiculous - centuries of manipulating a religion to make it work. And work it did!! It hit a niche spot in our psyche that cried for acceptance from a higher power, to find meaning and purpose. It worked like magic as it supplied a scapegoat saviour who fixed up everything for us as long as we obeyed the rules.

At that point, the entire structure crumbled for me. The emperor really had no clothes. We were all walking naked down the street, with those who had the eyes to see, laughing at our gullibility.

Sooo yeah, as I often say, I understand the needs that Christianity meets in so many, but for many of us it becomes redundant - just another religion that provides one perspective on the issues of life. Sure, you can pull gems of wisdom from the bible, and many christian "mystics" have helped us see greater truths that keep the ball rolling.

But its time to grow up. Not in an arrogant way that says I'm right/better and you're wrong/stupid. But in the simple fact that we are far bigger and better than any one religion, and its time for us to look beyond the narrow confines of ALL religions and begin the real journey of life and love.

Rape, Life, Love - part 2

As expected, I had some negative responses from my last blog

Even this response only scratches the surface of the issue. I hope that at least I'm inspiring thought and a challenge to actually live our ideals.

Some people challenged me (rightly so) on my idealism, lack of practical application, not understanding love and promoting "wishy washy lets just love and everything will be ok" philosophy. So understanding love is rather important!

Everyone thinks they know basically what love is all about. I used to have it nicely defined, especially from my christian background, but now I see it as something foundational to the nature of all that "is", far bigger and more impacting than we ever imagined. It's not just an option, but utterly essential to the survival and future growth of humanity.

Many people have some point at which they say something is unforgivable, particularly with abuse and rape. This is a very valid position to hold when we consider the long term implications that many have suffered - the devastation on so many lives and families. Exercising any form of love beyond immediate self care is often inconceivable.

But here's the bigger picture.

Do we want humanity to grow? Do we want to see people with that need to abuse even becoming an issue in the first place? Do we want to the world to be a "nicer" place? Rhetorical questions I'm sure! But how do we do that? By making the gigantic, emotionally taxing, intellectually challenging step of understanding the nature of love and actually living it.

Punishment does not work - ever - for anything. Thousands of years of history show this. Yes it will stop people out of fear, but it never changes the heart. You catch someone who abuses, lock them up as punishment, declare them evil scum, and hope they throw away the key. It solves the immediate problem of getting that person out of society so they can't re-offend, but does nothing for the victim or the abuser.

The victim may get a certain sense of justice, but it's not the thing that brings healing. It certainly doesn't heal the abuser, after all, abuse is about power and control, and locking them up only frustrates and represses that need, potentially making them even worse. Again, this works on one level because they are out of the way in prison, but if they get out, they re-offend, just as needy for power and control as ever.


Working with the abuser in love, with love, for love, means setting strong boundaries and creating a safe environment for others and themselves. It means confronting them with the consequences of the actions. It means working with them through their own need for control, their lack of self respect/self love, their insecurities that drive them to abuse. It means looking at everything that drives them to become abusive.

Punishment is the most negative and damaging things humans can do to each other. But think carefully about that before you react. When you have been punished for something what did you learn? You learnt fear. You stopped what you were doing, but it didn't make you a better person. It brought a redirection of behaviour through fear and more often than not repressed the cause of the behaviour you were punished for. For many it just means they put more effort into not being caught! This is at the core of punitive justice in every form at every level of our lives.

So, you do something wrong, and instead of being punished, you are shown the effects and consequences of what you did. You are made aware of the ongoing implications and damage to others etc. You are embraced and not shamed for your actions but gently and firmly held responsible for them. You are shown respect and dignity for your humanity. You are loved, without conditions, drawn into a level of empathy that heals.

Yes, for many that will be a long hard and frustrating journey, and it may seem inconceivable that we should take that much effort for many abusers. The justice system, the prison system, the mental health system and social work system simply isn't set up to do this. They aren't trained or resourced to even consider this. They have to work within the parameters that are dictated by society/government etc. So yeah, I'm talking about an ideal in the current social systems we have.

What do we do? The only thing we can - we change ourselves!

We look at our own hearts, we look at how much we love ourselves, our own sense of self worth, and begin there. We dig deep with compassion and empathy towards ourselves until we find peace within us that needs no outside support.

Then we do the same for those around us. We begin to "live loved". We can't change the world by tomorrow, but we CAN change ourselves, starting now.

So back to the original post...
Do you want change or "justice"?
Do you want freedom or revenge?
Do you want to to see the world grow in love and life?
or continue in judgement, bitterness and cynicism?

No one ever "deserves" fear and hate.

And for the victims? Asking them to work through the process of forgiveness is a very big ask indeed, and yet, it's the only thing that will bring them life again. My heart aches every time I hear of the suffering of abuse victims, and I will do all I can to love and support anyone, but deep down we know that real life can only comes from that place when love is allowed to bring forgiveness.

But like I said, this hardly scratches the surface. We must stand together, in love, for love, to change this world!!

Dear bigoted, fundamentalist, homophobic christians...

Now that I have your attention, allow me to elaborate.

Have you ever noticed that if you pull someone up for something negative (especially online), most of the time they assume you're are making a derogatory comment about their value as a human being. They instantly think you are being personally slanderous.

If I say to someone that their comment is bigoted, most assume that I'm calling them a bigot, in the sense that I've just described their entire worth in one word. And yet all I'm saying is the comment or attitude that they have displayed in a particular context is bigoted.

There is also the whole issue of generalisations. I could say that most fundamentalist christians are close minded and refuse to listen to anything outside their set of dogmas. Once again, generalisations are exactly that - general statements that aren't meant to imply any personal defamation to an individual. It's simply a statement that describes a common mindset.

What I'm trying to say is that any particular mindset or opinion you may have about something  doesn't define your entire character or value as a human being. It may be an opinion that really sucks and needs to be challenged, but it still isn't who you are.

I have friends who I constantly have digs at for their particular views on something, but that doesn't devalue their humanity - their worth, the years of life experience, pain and suffering, joys, heartaches - all the things that make them humans like you and me!

Let's try to stop taking offence so easily and actually listen to people. If someone calls you a right wing conservative fundamentalist homophobic misogynist racist, it simply means they have reacted to that particular part of your life paradigm. It's what they've seen presented in a conversation or comment, a post or meme. And yes, often people get carried away and really do think your entire worth is contained in one viewpoint, but try to remember that they don't know you - they don't know everything that has made you who you are right now. They are reacting to that part of you that has been presented to them.

When you respond to people, be careful to clarify that it's the comment that may be the problem, NOT them as equal and fallible humans. The comment only represents a small part of their life paradigm. Instead of saying "you are a bigot", make it clear that "your comment was bigoted". Notice the difference? It's huge! And make sure that they understand the difference too!

It's all about love really - empathy and respect. And no, I don't always get it right myself, and lose my cool, but I'm also quick (hopefully) to apologise when I realise what I've done.

Living loved is what it's all about, and remember, you can always politely just "walk" away.

Our lovingly evil god

The last few years have seen me become more and more ruthless with my attacks on Christianity.

Many people say I've thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Others think I've just become bitter and hopefully, one day I'll see that my bad experiences have taken me this way, and that God really is as loving as many believe. Some understand the depth of what I've battled with, some say I'm just deceived and have become a tool of the "enemy".

I've posted many blogs about this, so I thought it was time for one more, lol.

The "grace" message that so many now preach was a huge step for me. The idea that God indeed absolutely and unconditionally loves everyone was mind-blowing. The doctrines of the "finished work of Jesus and the cross" finally made so much make sense.

...sort of...

The problem however was the brain teasing, mind twisting doctrinal re-arranging we have to do to get the bible to make any real sense. The proponents of Grace can back their doctrines with solid scriptures, but like it or not, it's at the cost of others.

I still, in all honesty, couldn't reconcile the character of God, as represented throughout the entire bible, as being a truly loving God. I studied and read so many books. I prayed and meditated on it, even did 2 years bible college. But ultimately I had to admit that the God of the bible is an asshole. In fact, far worse than that. To accept that the bible gives us the entire picture of a never changing, omniscient, omni-everything God forces us to accept the horrors that he inflicted as well as the supposed good. The God of the Old Testament was a monster - no better than the gods of the surrounding heathen nations, and probably more arrogant and exclusive.

The god of the New Testament seems a lot more loving and forgiving, but it doesn't take much to see that no matter how good we spin the doctrines, he's still an asshole.

He's exclusive, demanding and judgemental, unless we choose to love him. It's that simple. And yes, I know every argument and doctrine in the book for both sides. I've been doing this for over 40 years and believe me, I've yet to hear anything new that would convince me otherwise. Every single comment I get when I say stuff like this, I could have written myself! I just get never ending clichés and more scripture quoting, or insane circular logic - you name it!

The problem however is that so many genuine loving and passionate people fail to see the glaring absurdities - like I did for most of my life!

Sure we can believe whatever we want, not a problem. But what is the fruit of our beliefs? What is the basis of our beliefs? Are we believing something that is actually far more damaging than we could possibly imagine, and yet only see it as good and loving? Are we blind to the centuries of horror this religion has caused? Or are we happy to just say we are the generation that finally understands it all?

The god of the bible is horrific, as are the gods of so many other religions, most of them in fact - simply because we love to create gods in our own image - we just can't help ourselves!

I know I'll get the usual responses from this, but that's ok. If just one person stops to really ponder what the hell they actually believe and why, then this world could become a better place. So believe in whatever god you want - but do so with the most integrity and honesty you can possibly muster, and above all, don't be an asshole like the god of religion.

(I'll be writing more about the deeply damaging aspects of christianity and religion in general, and much of it will be in my next book - which is taking far too long to get into!)

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Most people (christians included) will say that love is the best thing for everyone. 
We all know that! We all know that if we were really loved exactly as we are, for who we are right now - no strings attached - it would bring a deep peace, comfort and sense of relief.

Love is simply the most important thing any human can experience.

From a christian perspective, love is right up there - "they'll know we are christians by our love...", 1 Cor 13 etc. Every christian will extol the virtues of love, especially the "perfect love of God".

But "christian love" isn't love at all!

Yes, you heard me! Very few christians understand love - real love. They'll talk about how God loves us so much that he died (killed Jesus/Himself, or let him get killed, or any variation on that theme) so that we could experience that love and live eternally loved by God. There's lots of variations on that idea, doctrines etc that show God's love for us in so many ways, but that's basically it.

But in my over 40 years as a christian, I never really loved people without an agenda.

In fact, all my christian friends, the whole church, every church I visited, and every christian book I read, had "the big agenda". It was all part of the great commission mentality: "go forth and preach the gospel etc...", get them saved, bring them into the kingdom. The rest of the world are lost and doomed and only we have the answer. The world will end and how will we feel when we face God and have to account for our lack of passion and persistence in spreading God's saving grace - informing the world of God's love.

So we "loved" people, but we loved them with an agenda. We saw them as lost souls, in need of saving. We learned methods and techniques of doing loving things and how to care and nurture the hurting and broken. We worked hard at being God's "hands on earth" to feed the poor, heal the sick, and to be all that Jesus was.

But we had an agenda! We felt good about loving people. We were genuine and passionate. We'd make friends and help people. Many would go to far lands as missionaries, to bring that love to the poor and lost, to help in practical ways, provide for their needs, help the poor and the widows and orphans.

But we had an agenda! Always, always, in the back of our minds was to get them saved, bring them into the kingdom.

We'd cry real tears for the lost. We'd desperately "seek God" to soften their hearts. We'd be moved by compassion for their situations and genuinely want to help. We'd feel heartbroken for the kids suffering in Africa. We'd be moved with emotion for every needy person.

Jesus clones

But it wasn't love. It was a marketing plan - a very powerful and effective marketing strategy to increase our numbers. We were going to make everyone like us - wonderful caring loving christians who would bring in more wonderful loving christians. But we had no idea what love really is! We knew all the right words, and did all the things that look like love, but we had no idea how to love people simply for who they are. We were moved with powerful emotions and taught how to direct all empathy and compassion into "the mission".

Most christians have absolutely no understanding of what unconditional love is. They don't have empathy and compassion for people. They don't want to know who they are and work with them as fellow humans. They want to get them saved. They want them to experience the same set of beliefs they do, to be like them, to conform to a lifestyle. They want more christians!

Sure, you won't get many to see it like that, let alone understand the implications, but that doesn't change the fact that its the underlying motive for all acts of "love" performed by christians.

No, real love is brainwashed out of us as we "grow in faith". Unconditional love and accepting everyone as equal value is subtly but effectively twisted into a marketing campaign. The emotions we naturally feel when confronted by suffering and pain are redirected into a greater plan, an eternal plan, a far more important plan - at all costs - make them one of us!

Logan Robertson

As you can imagine, I've been completely inundated with email and messages, phone calls and media attention, so I thought I should try to pull all the strands together and make sure things don't get out of hand.
Despite the horrific abuse Logan has dished out, I'm genuinely concerned for the guy. We all know that he's completely incapable of delivering on his threats, so that's not an issue. But I AM concerned that many LGBT people may want to deliver on some of the threats against him and his family, although I'm sure no one would actually kill them.
Despite what we may think about his beliefs and actions, he needs love and support, not from his brainwashed followers, but from US! This is the biggest opportunity for LGBT people to demonstrate that we are NOT like that!
Jesus said to return good for evil, to forgive our enemies etc- you know the stuff. And here's the crunch, the only thing that heals is love! 
Yes this guy is sick, but he needs love more than anyone. People like this have never experienced real love, and its up to us who can, to let him know what real, unconditional love is.
I also understand that for many this is impossible because of the abuse they may have suffered at the hands of people like this - I get that - so there is no condemnation for feeling anger.
But the only thing that brings real lasting change is love.
PLEASE - no threats - no violence - no hate!
Concern, anger are all fine and healthy, and must be acknowledged and respected, but to act on it isn't acceptable.
So lets love on Logan, show him that his God isn't our God. Show him that WE are love, That the greatest force in the universe is love and that we are all equally loved by God, no matter what religion or spirituality you embrace. We are all together in this journey.

Why I Changed My Mind On Homosexuality

Sermon by Pastor Danny Cortez
New Heart Community Church, La Mirada, CA
This message was given on February 9, 2014

This is the most powerful christian message on homosexuality I've ever heard!

An open letter to Africa

This is not a racist post, so please don't take it that way!

Nigeria, Uganda and all the others - you know who you are.

Shame on you - Yes, SHAME ON YOU!

You who were ruthlessly abducted into lives of slavery - 10 million of you!
You who were tortured, beaten, murdered, neglected and abused.
You who were dragged away from your native lands - your homes - your roots.
You who were treated like scum, unloved and not even human.

Those who did this to you had a biblical mandate.
There are many scriptures that irrefutably proved God endorses slavery.
There are no scriptures that say men should NOT have slaves.
God saw that your race was inferior. The bible says so.
White men were doing God's will by keeping you in slavery - it was where you belonged.
It was your lot in life according to scripture.

So what changed?
What did those brave men use to convince the religious and state powers they were wrong?

They used God's unconditional heart of love.
They used basic human morality.
They appealed to the heart of love and compassion that is in all of us.


Love won, and you were freed. It was a long hard battle, and it still is for many.
Thank God for His precious love despite what the bible says.

So tell me,
Why do you judge and condemn LGBT people, when you have known the depth of God's unconditional love already? You experienced God's incredible mercy, despite what the bible says.

LGBT people face the same issue!

You say the bible supports your views. That God hates LGBT people, they are abominations, less than human. Sound familiar? It should! That's what they said about you!

So make your choice - extend the same love that was shown to you, despite what the bible appears to say, or be prepared to confront your own hypocrisy, because confront it you will, eventually, whether you like it or not.

Mutual Respect - or not

These days there's a lot of conflict between conservative/traditional christianity and the more liberal/freethinking side.

It's a bit of a generalisation of course, but still worth the observation.

When those with more liberal beliefs present them, its often in a way that is forceful, provocative and challenging. After many debates and arguments the "liberals" get frustrated with the blindness of the traditionalists, and the traditionalists get annoyed at how liberals have twisted things like scripture and theology to their own agendas.

I can understand both sides of that argument.

Traditionalists say that the liberals aren't prepared to listen to their side of the arguments in a balanced perspective and have intelligent respectful debates. So here's my take...

Those who have more liberal beliefs (you know, things like biblical inerrancy, universalism, homosexuality etc), have had to battle through traditionalist thought to get to the more liberal beliefs. They already understand the traditional paradigms. They don't have to sit and listen to endless biblical debates in a balanced discussion, because they have already done it to get where they are now!

The onus is not on radicals/liberals to be balanced, its on traditionalist/fundamentalists to listen!

From my own experience, I've found the moment I express something that conflicts with traditional paradigms it's assumed I have no idea of the "true" biblical perspective or understand the theology and doctrines that have become christianity as we know it today. Basically, its assumed I'm ignorant and just need to be shown the truth.

But I, and nearly all liberal thinkers, are extremely well studied and come to the conclusion we do because of that - not out of ignorance.

So really there is no "balance" needed at all. Sure, we respect everyone and don't abuse them, but the responsibility is not on the radicals to justify themselves, its on the traditionalists to listen and respect the fact that the radicals completely understand the conservative side already and don't need it explained over and over.

If you can't handle people shouting about hyper grace, universalism, LGBT issues, biblical inerrancy etc, then the problem may well be with you. The onus is on you to listen to those who have been where you are and have seen things differently, not the other way around.


Update:

I realise that no one should be disrespectful in all this, and I'm not advocating ramming things down people's throats. There are many older folks and some with simple faith, who simply can't comprehend the whole issue in the first place. 

I'm not advocating arrogance, but trying to get across that traditionalists are making the huge assumption that liberal thinkers need to be corrected by the very thoughts and paradigms that have caused them to question traditional religion in the first place. They hold the position that we just don't have enough knowledge of scripture, good exegesis or correct theology.

And of course, most importantly, this is a generalisation :-)

Why Christianity "Works", sort of, or at least should...

Jesus apparently said he came for the sick, not the "well" - its only the broken who need mending, the lost that must be found.

So many people at some stage in their life journey, come to the point where they can't find the inner self, the peace, strength, love, joy, to carry on. They discover they are broken and have no way of fixing themselves.

Jesus provides an external reference - a relational, personally identifiable representation of all that is lacking in themselves, and so much more. He is everything we could want to be, all we aspire to.

He provides support and boundaries, love and a sense of "it will all work out ok".

We all need this at some point, and Christianity, in its purest form, meets this need. When we look at the broken (myself included) who have benefited the most from this religion, its simply because they have bypassed the doctrines and theologies of the church, and rested in God's love, stripped of performance, guilt and shame.

But its still part of the journey. Many just rest in this place, and that's ok, but its still the very beginning of the journey. The simplicity and depth of that unconditional love starts to open us up, free from the confines of biblical traditions and religious bondage and manipulation, free to explore the depths of who we are and who God is. He has given us the steps to growth, and the minds and hearts to explore everything that we can conceive.

Nothing can separate us from God because we are part of him and he is part of us. He is intrinsically part of all matter and energy, the source behind and in all that exists. We cannot be "separated" because its physically impossible.

In that simple and secure knowledge we can open our hearts and minds to explore, to look for him in everything - in every way - in whatever manner we choose. Our foundation is secure. When we rest in the unity/union of all things, there is only love - which is the energy that binds everything together.

When we live loved, we can do no wrong, we are no longer part of the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" - we are simply love.

So pure Christianity - the basic concept that Jesus is someone far greater than us who can override our hurt and pain, our '"sin" and evil - works because it provides the first step in healing and wholeness. When the religion is removed from Jesus (the traditions, conflicting doctrines, dogmas, bigotry, bibliolatry etc), we see a brother who leads us into a path of self discovery, to show us that "we are one, just as he and the father are one" - one of the most extraordinary statements he made. He, and God, and us, are one. Not similar, not greater or lesser, ONE.

Christianity should be leading us to much higher/deeper/broader places. Places of fearless exploration, recognising God in everything and everyone, cutting through thick layers of paradigms to reveal pure, unconditional love.

Doctrines don't matter. Was he God incarnate? Born of a virgin? Died for sin in our place? Resurrected from the dead? Who knows!! And really, if we make these doctrines the "make or break" for our eternal security, we have completely and utterly missed the point. You can believe them if you want, if they help you find the peace and security you need to grow. But they are a simple starting point, and just one option on the way.

God is so much bigger, so much better, so much more than any one religion can contain.

Live loved!

To love, or not to love?

That is the question - sort of. Well, not THE question, but an important question depending on the context and what you had for dinner.

With the amazing revelations in recent years concerning God's grace and love, there has been renewed hope for the reconciliation of the church or "body of christ" into the ever elusive unity that the bible states is the one thing that sets us apart - and the one thing that the church, despite 2000 years of trying, has never achieved on any level.

This really sucks, and I'm quite amazed that we have kept on trying for so long, although only halfheartedly, and generally deciding that its only worth bothering to inflict unity through control.

We have had a lousy track record. And it aint getting any better.

So what's wrong with this picture? Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Hmm, guess the church is officially insane, and there is probably more truth to that than I would go into in this particular blog.

Again, it could be something to do with my famous slogan, that is probably sending everyone crazy - yes - paradigms!!

We keep thinking that everyone believing correct doctrines is the bottom line, and that as we accept (read tolerate) those who differ, we can slowly bring them around to these correct doctrines. But if love is the bottom line, which scripture does seem to indicate, then we have a serious problem at the most basic level. Besides what is correct doctrine?

So...

What if our whole concept of church is wrong? What if the horse we are flogging died about 1900 years ago, and is so dead it doesn't even smell anymore - its just a mummified body that's been mutilated beyond recognition?

Perhaps the whole purpose of this recent revelation of grace is to show us that dead horse so we can bury it. But what does that leave us with? First it means that trying to sort out doctrine will never work. But there is so much adherence to doctrine that its like flogging a dead horse (yes I know...) trying to get past it.

To make matters worse, if you try to make love the central issue you have to confront the reality of the dead doctrines and the damage they do. The fruit of doctrines (all doctrines really) may look good to those who benefit from them, but what is the real fruit. You see, the fruit is the defining point, the thing that says love or not love.

When we look at the fruit of every doctrine of the last 2000 years, can we see good fruit? I don't mean the odd exceptions of charity and individuals who just got on with loving, I mean the big picture that sets the church apart so that its known by love?

When we look at the present church, is the fruit really love? Or is it exclusivism, intolerance, dogma, and even now, there are those who have taken "love" and made it a doctrine to be argued and analyzed, manipulated and abused - yet again.

What if real love isn't afraid to confront the "bad fruit", just like Jesus did? What if its actually OK to splinter and tear apart the church because what we think is the church really isn't the church?
What if God actually wants christianity as it is currently displayed and lived, to completely implode, so that love can be free to rise up, unhindered?

I was blocked by an old Facebook friend because of my stance on issues such as hell, universalism and the inerrancy of the bible, all to the tune of "our fathers traditions and the 2000 year old traditions of the church are indisputably the basis for christianity". The absurdity of this statement is mind boggling, especially given his own departure from mainstream traditional beliefs, but for many christians, there is some arbitrary line that must not be crossed, although that line keeps moving!

So in my usual manner I've waffled all over the place, and need to return to the point -

Is it love to continually support a system of doctrines that bears little or no good fruit? Is it love to expose the glaring failings of that system, even if it means challenging the most sacred of its fundamental doctrines? Is love just niceness and tolerance, or is it challenging each other to live with integrity and keep pushing the limits of love without bigotry and traditions blinding us?
Was Jesus loving when he tore shreds off the Pharisees?


In many ways, the lines have been drawn, and although there will be fallout, the world will be a better and more loving place for it.

"Christianity" is dead - but God is very much alive, making sure it stops kicking!

The Dilemma of Grace

I think many people have the idea that grace (especially the "new" grace experience) is either a license to sin or a denial of the reality of our nature.

The view point of "license to sin" is simply based on not understanding the purpose and power of grace, and isn't the focus of this post.

Many, however, see that the embracing of the finished work of Christ, in that we are completely one with God, sin free, unconditionally loved, and completely free from any law etc, as being a denial of the reality of our life here and now.

The reality of what Christ did and the new covenant is even far more radical than that. God doesn't even see sin any more and only sees us as perfect loved children, well, more than that! He sees us, in fact, as lovers now, and simply wants us to enjoy him, living beyond the concepts of right and wrong (the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).

Now this certainly sounds like a weird and wacky disregard of reality. A complete ignorance of the necessity for law and moral guidelines, and, even worse in some ways, a denial of our personal reality. By that I mean the processes that our minds deal with on a moment by moment basis. The complex dynamics of experience, paradigm, fears, guilt and shame, the handling of relationships that simply can't be nicely sorted and boxed. Our minds just don't resemble the ideal of this grace thing, so it seems like it really is just an ideal, but devoid of common sense and the reality of life.

Here's a quote by Paul Zahl:

Grace is love that seeks you out when you have nothing to give in return. Grace is love coming at you that has nothing to do with you. Grace is being loved when you are unlovable…. The cliché definition of grace is “unconditional love.” It is a true cliché, for it is a good description of the thing. Let’s go a little further, though. Grace is a love that has nothing to do with you, the beloved. It has everything and only to do with the lover. Grace is irrational in the sense that it has nothing to do with weights and measures. It has nothing to do with my intrinsic qualities or so-called “gifts” (whatever they may be). It reflects a decision on the part of the giver, the one who loves, in relation to the receiver, the one who is loved, that negates any qualifications the receiver may personally hold…. Grace is one-way love.

Grace doesn't make demands. It just gives. And from our vantage point, it always gives to the wrong person. We see this over and over again in the Gospels: Jesus is always giving to the wrong people—prostitutes, tax collectors, half-breeds. The most extravagant sinners of Jesus’s day receive his most compassionate welcome. Grace is a divine vulgarity that stands caution on its head. It refuses to play it safe and lay it up. Grace is recklessly generous, uncomfortably promiscuous. It doesn't use sticks, carrots, or time cards. It doesn't keep score. As Robert Capon puts it, “Grace works without requiring anything on our part. It’s not expensive. It’s not even cheap. It’s free.” It refuses to be controlled by our innate sense of fairness, reciprocity, and evenhandedness. It defies logic. It has nothing to do with earning, merit, or deservedness. It is opposed to what is owed. It doesn’t expect a return on investments. It is a liberating contradiction between what we deserve and what we get. Grace is unconditional acceptance given to an undeserving person by an unobligated giver.

It is one-way love.

With this in mind, we have to come to terms with how it affects our inner life, our daily struggles and moment by moment realities. Here's how it works for me:

I'm convinced of the truth about the nature of grace and that the key to living in it is renewing my mind to its reality. So in daily life I take the time to just stop and remember that I really am a new creation, that I am one with God, and that He is completely besotted with me this second and that will never change. That's it! That's living in the "rest" of His love. Its allowing my mind to focus on that simple fact.

I can't change anything about myself, but I can begin the renewing of my mind by just letting myself be loved and allowing that to slowly alter my thoughts and emotions. Of course I'll still do lots of stuff that is not beneficial to God, myself and others. I'll hurt people, make stupid decisions, wrestle with my past and my future - all that stuff. BUT, they no longer define me. The real reality (lol), is everything I need to live loved has been done, that by focusing on that and resting in that place as often as I can, I WILL be changed. It can't be helped. 

The crap of daily life doesn't change, but my responses do. The recognition of my unity with Love himself will change me - it has and it will. This is the life changing power that Paul speaks of in his letters. Its the ONLY thing that brings change. And its simple and goes against everything logic tells us. It goes against religion, morality, tradition and most church doctrines. 

It is freedom! And remember: God is love - live loved!! ;-)

Renewed Hope Network

After a lot of deliberation, prayer and very little advice, I've launched a new website/ministry dealing specifically with Christians struggling with same sex attraction.

The demise of Exodus and the rise of other reparative groups, in particular Restored Hope Network, has inspired me to step out and create an alternative ministry firmly rooted in the complete unconditional love of God for every single person on the planet, His desire for complete union and intimacy with all of us and the finished work of Jesus that enabled that.

Its my absolute passion to reach every LGBTQ (etc) person in the church with the good news that the gospel is better than they ever thought possible, that they are loved beyond their wildest dreams, and God couldn't give a stuff about their orientation, but His heart breaks for the pain, abuse, fear, shame, guilt, rejection and suffering they have experienced.

Its His grace that brings complete freedom, and to be transformed in any way He sees fit.

I'm still building the site and the network of resources, supporters, finances etc to make it happen. Its early days, but the need is huge and in my naivety I actually believe I can make a difference.

Here's the site in its first form. http://renewedhopenetwork.blogspot.co.nz/

I'm hoping to register the name www.renewedhopenetwork.org as soon as possible, and if I can, there are some other domain names that I'd like to buy to link as well.

Very simple at the moment, and I'll be adding content over the next few weeks, building on the outline I've got there.

Please support this in any way you can, if you feel inspired to. Donations welcome here or on the new site. Prayer is awesome, and helpful suggestions and guidance always appreciated!

PS: Any similarity between the name Renewed Hope Network and any other ministry is completely intentional.

Fix it Jim!!

I was talking to a good friend today, and we were laughing about trying to fix people.

You know (especially guys) how when you hear someone pouring out their heart, you just want to jump in and fix it. We think people need to have our lifetime's worth of wisdom presented to them so they can apply it and, well, get fixed.

I realise that its wrong on many levels, but I had to stop and think about how I really respond to this. The moment people start to share problems and concerns, the first thing that pops into my brain cell is "what can I say that will help this person".

I start to flick through all the wise advice that has helped me and I think would be appropriate to help others. Perhaps there's a key word or concept that will trigger that cathartic moment. Perhaps the latest revelation I've had about God will release their pain. Maybe if I can present the doctrines/beliefs that changed my life, in the right way, they will understand and have the same "breakthrough" I did.

Or perhaps they really just need a shoulder, a loving heart and ear, who's only purpose is to be there for others.

We can't fix each other (as much as I really want to) despite the best of intentions. We don't need to give advise, and even if people ask for it, what exactly do we give them? For those who are familiar with counselling techniques, listening is the key. But with God, I think it might even be more than that. 

God is uniquely entwined with each of us. We are in total union with Him, even if we don't realise it. Our relationship with God is just that - OUR relationship. Mine is different to yours, everyone is different. Its like the relationship with our best friend or partner - no one else really understands it. 

So many christians, especially charismatic/pentecostal types, think we have to have a "word of knowledge", that its our duty to give the "word of the Lord" to people in need, and even made to feel "unspiritual" if we can't at least provide an appropriate scripture. 

But God speaks to us one to one, individually. All we have to do really, is create an environment of love, acceptance and peace - allow our hearts to feel God's heart, so we can truly be in agreement with Him and pour out His immense love on each other - even without words!

God will always speak in his way and his time to all of us, and this not only applies to those in desperate need, but also to all of us on our journey in life. We are all in different places, with different views and understandings of God. It's great to discuss, throw around ideas, stretch each other, challenge each other, but we can never assume we know where God is at with any other person in creation. Only God can determine what the next step is for each individual. 

So lets just pull our heads in, stop giving good advice, stop telling people they are wrong, or heretics, or sinners, or ignorant, or evil, or going to hell. If we aren't mature enough to give and take, to discuss, to empathise, and basically love, then we should just put up and shut up.

Yep, I've been known to jump on people with my good advice, and I must admit I have little time for those with closed bigoted hearts, but even in that, I'm open to change. Fortunately, God is also listening to my heart, patiently drawing me closer into his arms, so that we will breathe as one.

When God first introduced himself to me, 40 year ago, there's one thing he said in a vision that always stayed with me - "One thing at a time and all things in My time". When I do occasionally remember that, it makes the world of difference!

Further up and further in

The days of grace, shine like new stars
Gasping in silent awe
The rush of revelation, the new peace
Slipping into memory foam padding
Like an astronaut pressed hard and helpless
Breaking free from gravity

The deep processes of neuron fires
Burning new paths
Further up and further in

Embrace of love
Embrace of death
Embrace of life
I didn't know that I didn't know
I love that I don't know
I hate that I don't know
I reluctantly show, I was wrong
I gladly show, its bigger, oh so bigger

The deep changes keep changing
Churning
The deep love keeps burning
The words fade and the passions ignite

The deep processes of neuron fires
Burning new paths
Further up and further in

A Graceful Balance

I spent the afternoon yesterday with a small group and spoke to a guy there at some length about John Crowder (and others like him, I'm not singling him out except that he is very prominent at the moment). This guy is, as many are, of the impression that they are grossly deceived and heretical in their doctrines, but his biggest indicator of error was about what he had seen of the fruit of those people.

(After publishing this post, I saw a clip of John Crowder that explains a lot of things I was questioning about him, check it out here)

Unfortunately, I had to agree, especially that many are aggressive and patronising and present a glibness, that all they care about is being "whacked" by God so tweak theology to fit that experience and too bad if you don't get it! There's a sense that all the worlds problems can be solved by pretending they don't exist. Now I know and agree with the the joy of the finished work of Jesus, but I'm talking about an overly simplistic arrogance that denies the heart of those who struggle and suffer.

So, I found myself having to cut through all that to get to the essence of the "grace" message. After much discussion (which was very good natured despite being passionate) we found we actually agreed on many issues. The interesting thing is a lot of the differences come down to semantics. Things like what we each mean by righteous, holy, sanctified etc and concepts like hungering after God, walking in brokenness and letting our weaknesses be our strength, comforting the broken hearted and mourning with those who mourn.

After a while he saw that we are mostly seeing the same things from a different angle, but here's the thing. His hunger and passion for Jesus and his experience of the Father's heart was already there, he understood what it is to not be bound by law and religion.

There are many brothers and sisters in this place, and in our zeal to express the incredible revelation of Father's unconditional love, and the finished work of the cross, we assume no one else gets it, and everyone else is in bondage to the old covenant. We have taken the wonderful truth of the gospel of grace and made it elitist, to the point where we are arrogant and refuse to see that many others, who didn't have the same issues with bondage to religion and legalistic striving, already understand, but don't use the same terminology, have the same paradigms, culture etc - they aren't a member of our club!

So the very unity, love and passion for Jesus we are trying to convey is destroyed by our elitist arrogance. I love so much of John Crowder's teaching, but the elitist "club" attitude hurts me. I don't have a problem with people getting whacked in the spirit, but we always have a choice about where and when and how appropriate it is any given setting. We also have a choice about the emphasis on glibly claiming our blessings or letting it just be a natural overflow of our intimacy with Him. In the middle of all my joy and love for Jesus, and my hunger for Him, I can still relate to the reality of those around me, walk with real empathy and trust that Father will quietly and efficiently meet any needs at any time in any way.

From all this, I'm realising more that we can just be gracious in how we present the grace message and we don't have to prove anything. If we are showing the fruit of our intimacy, that's more important than the message itself!

Perfectly Loved and Accepted

Many thanks to Colin for this post, take the time to read it through - wonderful!!
 

What would we look like if we knew we were Perfectly Loved and Accepted?

~ Colin Lagerwall

Some thoughts on who we are and how we work, and how the Gospel is the Power of God for the salvation of humanity.

I have for some time thought about how we interpret our own selves by how someone like Paul or James or others have written their own thoughts down, explaining the Gospel to those to whom they wrote....and then we take those thoughts of theirs and keep trying to interpret our own beings and minds based on their explanations.....we often make quite a mess of our inter-interpretations as we relate these explanations to our own minds, especially in the light of our 2012 understanding of human makeup..

One of these is the explanation of our 'nature' ... two natures, or the old and new nature, or I and Me, True and False nature ...and other variations of this same thinking...

And whilst I don't want to cross paths with anything to do with the Gospel as recorded on the writings of the early church fathers, I have wondered how we would interpret some of the things from a 2012 vantage point, having discovered a lot more of our internal mental and emotional workings....In other words, if one had to approach someone totally unchurched, un-christianized, how would we explain what happens inside of us, and why it is that we divide ourselves up into different natures, and how do we interpret that with the Law and the Gospel...

We are a very complex creation, so amazingly made that our emotions, bodies, minds and spirits seamlessly blend into one incredible combination, collectively called 'the human being', or a Person...

Our hormones and chemicals within our bodies have a very distinct part to play on our minds and emotions, and I do not want to dwell on that too much, other than to mention that our physical fitness, excercise and diet can play a very important part in our overall sense of well-being...

That being said, I want to focus on the other side of life, and that being our emotions and minds, undergirded by our spirit-being.

We are designed to live in the knowledge of 'being loved'....

As parents know full well, a child grows and develops best, both emotionally and mentally, in an environment of love, acceptance and discipline (correct guidance and teaching to gain wisdom)

This is our home-base...love and acceptance in all it's variations of forms and expressions..

To be accepted, loved and valued without measure, is how we are designed to live and grow best.....

One may say "But that is impossible, we live in an imperfect world where that kind of environment does not exist"

Perhaps ? Perhaps it's not impossible !

Let's look at non-acceptance and what happens to us when we grow in an environment of non-acceptance.

If I begin as little boy or girl to feel unaccepted, or not perfectly loved for who I am, I begin to look for acceptance and affirmation somewhere, because it is what we need for healthy development....

So I might start throwing tantrums to get this attention, I might start whining or showing off....and invariably get scolded for doing so, which reinforces this behavior, or pushes me into hiding within myself...

We are complex beings and we have many side-shows of varying reactions to not being loved and accepted, too many to even begin to mention here...

A side-note here, and that is to mention something pertinent to the very early stages of development...breastfeeding a baby for as long as possible is one of the best ways to give a newcomer to this world the love and comfort and acceptance he or she needs at the earliest stages of one's life. (As newborn babes desire the sincere milk of the Word)

And breastfeeding is one of the things that our modern lifestyle seems to have no time for, so the necessary love and acceptance required in a child's development is already compromised from the start...ok, that's just a small sideline...

Other pitfalls are absent fathers, even if they are home; and both mothers and fathers with their own emotional and relational issues that carry into this newcomers life, further reinforcing this lack of a perfectly loved and accepted environment..

So....how does the newcomer to this world begin to react to feelings of rejection and shame, which are the symptoms of the lack of perfect love and acceptance ?

Although there are many variations to rejection and lack of acceptances outworkings, they can be boiled down to a few basic reactions.

A lack of love, acceptance and security instils fear and shame, and fear and shame causes a sense of hiding within oneself, combined with a putting on of a brave front, or a pretence of who you are to cover the shame you feel about yourself...

And shame is also reinforced by the reaction to your 'unacceptable' behavior, which in turn reinforces futher shame and more pretences.

These pretences are learned from the society you grow up in; you learn to present what is best accepted in the company you keep, and that can be many different types of company, even varying a few times during any given day

(eg I can have one presentation for my work place, another for my home, another for my golf-buddies, another for my shopping days, and of course, saving the best one for my church)

These presentations are learned and developed from an early age, because it is here at this young stage that the fears from unacceptance are instilled, and the development of these presentations become an integral part of my life, patterns of thinking, and actions borne out of the inverse reactions to the fear and unacceptance.

A note to add with regards to fears....

Our reactions to fears can be as such :

• If I fear lack, for example, brought on by an absent father and an environment where there was alcohol abuse in the family, and there was never enough food in the house, or by the post-war depression, or current recession....this fear of lack can cause greed, hoarding, overspending, stealing, workaholic tendencies, and many more reactions
• If I fear being vulnerable and open to others, I can develop a hardened disposition where I can easily kill someone without blinking an eye.....
• If I fear not being accepted, I can develop jealousy and envy to those who seem to be accepted..
• If I fear not being good enough, I can strive to prove myself good enough, and this can have severe adverse outworkings, like arrogance, unhealthy competitiveness, etc.

These reactions to fear and shame are so many and so varied, that it would take a book to describe just some of these reactions....and every person reacts in their own specific way, or ways, depending on the circumstances.

These reactions to fear and shame are what Paul calls the 'Old man', or what others have described as the Law man, or the Adamic nature, or the Me and not the I, or the Ego or the False Identity......

We need to see something clearly....We do not and never had two natures ! We are not divided between good and bad, and if we feed the good that good will win, or if we feed the bad, it will win....

We are one person with one nature !

However, if we fear within and are ashamed of ourselves, we hide or squash the fears and the shame inside of us, and develop these pretences to present ourselves acceptable to society.....and this effect seems to be two separate natures...the good and the bad, the old and the new.

These squashed fears and shame do not disappear, because they are part of 'you', but because of our skill in hiding these unacceptable feelings, and the skill in learning an acceptable behavior, we develop two types of personalities...the good and the bad.

Now if we are provoked enough, given the right conditions, this 'bad' personality comes out of hiding, tempers flare, wives get beaten husbands get the cold shoulder, people get killed in road rage, etc.

And when it's all over, back into squashed hiding it goes and the good guy gets the go-ahead to show society who 'you are' again.

These two sides of the coin are the most common within mankind....What can develop with some people who have suffered major trauma, is the development of multiple personalities, where the pains are hidden to the degree that they are totally obliviated from conscious memory, and with the pains and memories hidden, so is the 'person' attached to those memories, and then different visible personalities are developed to maintain a reasonable and acceptable show in society.....but that's another branch of the complex reactions to Fear and Shame......

When we see 'sin' in humans, what we are seeing is THE REACTIONS to Fear and Shame...

To control this sinful behavior might have some positive effect, but the problem is that the root of this behavior has not been dealt with...and what happens then is that because a lot of effort and will power is placed in this behavior control, it becomes tiring, and invariably the person trying, fails...and with this failure, more shame is instilled, and with it a sense of judgement is instilled, particularly if 'The Fear of God' is brought into the situation....and more fear develops, so a growing vicious cycle ensues, and the death of this person is the result...

This 'death' could be physical, but mostly it is not....most often it is the loss of life in the sense of this person not being able to live a normal wholesome life as he or she was designed to do (Eat of this Tree and you will surely die)

How does this whole dilemma get sorted ?

If Fear and Shame are the root of bad behavior, the solution would be that which both prevents Fear and Shame, as well as healing the after effects of previous damage done to the mind and emotions due to a life-time of living in Fear and Shame

(a further note is to understand that these thought patterns of Fear and Shame and methods of dealing with them, are learned and passed down from generation to generation, and we are born into families with these set patterns 'hide and seek', patterns that we don't recognize, because we think they are 'normal')

What does our Creator have for us that is a permanent solution to our human problem ?

Perfect Love casts out Fear

Perfect Acceptance removes Shame

Is there such a thing as Perfect Love and Acceptance ?

From humanity ? I doubt it ... in fact, a definite "No...humanity is unable to give perfect Love and Acceptance"

Especially if we understand we all carry these patterns that have developed over thousands of years, that no one is by any stretch of the imagination "Normal"....so who would set the path straight for a Normal presentation, with no fear, no shame, normal thought patterns, having been perfectly loved and accepted ever since forever ?

Enter the Gospel....The Good News !

When Jesus was asked "How do we relate to this God?".... Jesus answers "Begin by saying Our Father"

He further says that this Father, who He (Jesus) has known and has been loved by and accepted by forever, will look after all our needs, that we never have to fear lack...He will provide, no need to get envious or jealous of another..

The Good News says that we have a Father who loves us unconditionally, perfectly; accepts us even if we totally mess up... Not a potential Father if we say and do certain things that make us His child, but the revealing of the Father we have always had, but did not know....

The Good News that tells us that He has removed all remembrance of our wrongs, not for His sake, because His love for us was able to see that our wrong doings were all based on reactions to Fear and Shame, but it is for OUR sake that He has removed remembrance of sin, so that we would not live in Shame and Fear of judgement.....

A Love that is so consistent, never ending, nothing can ever cause this Love's River to stop...a Love that sees right into your heart and sees everything, burning through all the Fear and Shame because Love does not induce Shame, it removes it...an acceptance that has no end and no beginning, that no 'bad' could ever turn this Face from it's fixed gaze of the Purest of Love and Acceptance pouring from His Eyes.......

What if we knew this Love ?

WHAT IF HUMANITY KNEW THIS LOVE ?!

What if we knew that this Person has always existed and this Gaze of Love has alway been fixed on us, long before we were even conceived, because it was this Person who Created us for the pleasure of living in the awareness of His Perfect Love and Acceptance?

This Person is called Father...the Father of whom the whole family under Heaven and Earth is named....and He is Love....

What if we had someone who had known this Father's perfect Love and Acceptance His whole life, and was able to show us this Father, and show us His own wholeness....which is also ours when we know we are Perfectly Loved and Accepted, untainted by Fear and Shame and all it's outworking symptoms of "Hide and Seek", (Hiding from shame, Seeking approval), now able to live out our lives in the same wholeness of our only nature, the one nature made in this Father's own likeness....

What if we really knew this ?!

[Now, I need to address this as well:

What if we were first told that this Person who is Love, rejects us as well, rejects the very fabric of our being, who we are, until we accept His Son?

What if we were told that this Person was not our Father until we had first run through some hoops, and one of them being to accept His Son or else He would reject us, but not just reject, but hold us over an eternal rotisserie of torture forever....

That He was even capable of this kind of treatment of us......

He, who is known as Perfect Love and Acceptance...humanity's only hope of being free from the outworkings of Fear and Shame , is also known as Fear and Rejection Himself, the Ultimate Fear and Shame inducing influence, ever ?]

The only way that He, who is Perfect Love and Acceptance, is to totally heal and remove all traces of Fear and Shame induced living in humanity's lives, is for us to understand that He always has been Father to us, even in our ignorance, and that He always will be Perfect Love and Acceptance to us....and if we saw that He sent his firstborn Eternal Son to us to show ALL of us what His thoughts are towards us, thoughts that will never change....an example of who WE ARE ....

This Son ... Perfectly Loved and Accepted....just like us ..... but never tainted with Fear and Shame because this Father is incapable of inducing Fear and Shame ..... is Jesus, OUR Brother !

To see Jesus, to see how He is Eternally Loved and Accepted, to see His nature, is to see our own....because He and us have the same nature, and when we live in the knowledge of Perfect and Eternal Love and Acceptance, our ONLY nature comes to the fore....

We lose our Fear and Shame, we come out of hiding, we stop pretending with all it's shows and facades, we stop our jealousies and envying without even trying, we begin to see each other in the same Light that we see ourselves, good-natured people, made in the same image and likeness of our Father ....

What if the World knew who they are, seen through their Father's eyes !

What would we look like if we knew we were Perfectly Loved and Accepted ?

A quick reflection

Life has been a roller coaster for the last couple of years and I've finally had some time to take stock, sort out new directions, consolidate my beliefs etc.

Many of you probably think I've lost the plot (and you may be right), others have identified with my outspoken views. Thanks to all of you - even those who disagree, because it helps to refine me. 

The loss of my wife (Min), has allowed me to stop enough to assess my own identity again. To look at the things that are my uniqueness - outside of a relationship. The journey into grace and all that entails, is nothing new for me, even though it may seem like that to some. I have always believed the things I now espouse, but never had the time or freedom, at any stage in my life, to examine them closely and explore the truth of these things. So much of my ramblings are processing rather than firm views. I've felt its right to put it out there, as a way to help others on their journey, challenge the status quo, and walk together. 

Those that know me may realise my passion for "the ultimate answer to life the universe and everything" is always pushing me to explore the limits. But no matter how far I go, Jesus is always, always at the centre of it all. I can't get away from that! Without Him it would all be meaningless. My understanding of the depths of His grace really opened up this last year, as the same old scriptures suddenly fell into place, bringing so much into balance and opening the way to the intimacy I always craved. As He revealed more and more of His love to me, the question of how far that love actually goes kept getting more persistent - which is why I began the next step of facing the issue of Universalism. To me, its been the most natural process to realise that His love and the plans for His perfect creation must go hand in hand and that His will, no matter how long and difficult, will ultimately be done. I am now comfortable with the "theology" and feel no need to enter into intense discussion about its biblical basis, although I love discussing anything that glorifies Fathers heart!

The next step seems to be integrating many of the separate streams. There are a lot of variations in the "grace" thing, even to the extent of causing arguments (sigh) and the Universal Reconciliation theme has many variants. But I can see common threads through all this, like joyful glimpses of something just around the bend on a windey road. I shall keep exploring, prayerfully, lovingly, and being totally open with you all in this journey. 

I'll keep throwing my stuff out there for you to get upset about, argue, agree, comment etc, and hopefully we will keep growing together. Most importantly, we should be growing in love. It's more important than correct doctrine. God is Love - everything comes from that!