Sunday, 1 February 2015

Confession time!

I'm up to over 1200 friends on Facebook
Every time I look at my computer there are usually 50 or more notifications staring at me.
My Silent Gays page has about the same number.
This blog also gets a lot of hits!

Sometimes I think I'm only a few clicks away from disaster. I could post something that would over step the mark and lose all my christian friends. Or I could post something really christian and be subject to mocking from my atheist friends (although not very likely these day)

I feel like I walk a narrow line, of respecting and honoring people's personal journeys, and challenging religious paradigms. I have a christian heritage that I hate and love at the same time. I can relate to all the horror stories about religion. I know exactly how my atheist friends feel about the psychopathic God christianity has created. I understand and embrace the so called "new age" ideas of universal unity and love. But I also understand the validity of core chrsitian beliefs - I've seen how well they work for many, the psychological value as part of their journey.

And I still have my own journey to walk. Every day I discover more about who I am, my personal paradigms, what drives me, my reactions and passions, my impatience and deeper anger. I surprise myself some days, when I get angry with my son, or so easily judge that strange person in the supermarket.

There are people now looking to me as one who has insight. Hey - I've written a book and run a support network!

But I'm just me, still one click away from posting something really stupid, of offending someone who is genuine and simply doing the best they can.

Perhaps I just want to please everyone, to find acceptance. Not surprising given what I've been through. But I do feel the pain that so many others experience at the hands of religion pretending to be Christ-like. I feel the emotional and spiritual abuse that is dealt out to millions in the name of Christ. But I can't burn my bridges when I want to still reach into the church and love the unloved and abused.

It's my passion, and yeah, sometimes I'm just one click away from "fuck it".

So there you have it. It's quite a responsibility looking at all those "friends" and "likes", and knowing that people are actually reading my book. Please remember that I'm just a human like you. I question everything, make far too many mistakes (just ask my son), offend people, and don't ask me to organise anything bigger than a cup of coffee!

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