Showing posts with label Abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abuse. Show all posts
Wednesday, 13 September 2017
Thursday, 24 August 2017
Popper's Paradox
Free speech,
Tolerance,
Unconditional love...
How do these things work in reality?
In 1945 the philosopher Karl Popper proposed the paradox of tolerance.
In a nutshell he said "if a society is tolerant without limit, their ability to be tolerant will eventually be seized or destroyed by the intolerant", or to paraphrase that: we can only survive by being intolerant about intolerance.
As we all know, white supremacy and all it's ugly variants are making headlines and empowering those who secretly embrace those views to speak out. There's also the current political mess in Australia over gay marriage, where conservative christians are doing all they can to stop it.
So where do we draw the line on free speech and religious freedom?
We have to draw it somewhere, or our society will become victim to it and we will loose those very freedoms!
The balance is in how we confront them. If we use "violence" (physical, vocal or in any form) we are playing the same game, and when confronted in this way, the intolerant simply dig their heels in and use the opposition to fuel more intolerance.
Respect for their humanity is key. To recognise that we could be the same if we'd been raised in a different environment is a sobering thought. It's a learned trait, something we aren't just born with. So compassion and empathy is the key to any communication, bypassing the rhetoric and reactionary thought processes and focussing on understanding why people are like this.
At the risk of being overly simplistic, it comes down to a lack of love. They never experienced the type of unconditional love themselves that breeds self worth and empathy for others. They are broken and angry, but instead of looking within, they are lashing out at the rest of us.
But they still have to be stopped from spreading this disease, and that's where we have to draw lines. Although love is the only "cure" for these people, we still have to deal with the affects they are having on our society.
The alt right issue is pretty obvious, but the christian right style of bigotry, especially towards LGBT people is more complex because of the religious freedom problems. And that opens a very large can of worms because it will eventually confront all religions on issues of bigotry and tolerance.
Perhaps it's time we stop being afraid of challenging people's belief systems?
We can do this with love and patience without compromising our stand. They believe they are doing the right thing, so we have to talk to their hearts, bypass the religious rhetoric and present compassion and empathy for the broken as our motivation.
We also have to remember that for most christians it's a case of "the bible says so", and that's a tough nut to crack. But with the same level of compassion we can help them to understand that their views are in error, as have been so many christian opinions over the centuries, that had to be adjusted and morality, ethics and science outgrew the ignorance of ancient culture.
We must be strong but loving - compassionate but without compromise - draw the lines but help them gently step over them. It's hard work, but if we can step back from our own reactionary thought processes we will be able to exercise the love they need to see in action.
Tolerance,
Unconditional love...
How do these things work in reality?
In 1945 the philosopher Karl Popper proposed the paradox of tolerance.
In a nutshell he said "if a society is tolerant without limit, their ability to be tolerant will eventually be seized or destroyed by the intolerant", or to paraphrase that: we can only survive by being intolerant about intolerance.
As we all know, white supremacy and all it's ugly variants are making headlines and empowering those who secretly embrace those views to speak out. There's also the current political mess in Australia over gay marriage, where conservative christians are doing all they can to stop it.
So where do we draw the line on free speech and religious freedom?
We have to draw it somewhere, or our society will become victim to it and we will loose those very freedoms!
The balance is in how we confront them. If we use "violence" (physical, vocal or in any form) we are playing the same game, and when confronted in this way, the intolerant simply dig their heels in and use the opposition to fuel more intolerance.
Respect for their humanity is key. To recognise that we could be the same if we'd been raised in a different environment is a sobering thought. It's a learned trait, something we aren't just born with. So compassion and empathy is the key to any communication, bypassing the rhetoric and reactionary thought processes and focussing on understanding why people are like this.
At the risk of being overly simplistic, it comes down to a lack of love. They never experienced the type of unconditional love themselves that breeds self worth and empathy for others. They are broken and angry, but instead of looking within, they are lashing out at the rest of us.
But they still have to be stopped from spreading this disease, and that's where we have to draw lines. Although love is the only "cure" for these people, we still have to deal with the affects they are having on our society.
The alt right issue is pretty obvious, but the christian right style of bigotry, especially towards LGBT people is more complex because of the religious freedom problems. And that opens a very large can of worms because it will eventually confront all religions on issues of bigotry and tolerance.
Perhaps it's time we stop being afraid of challenging people's belief systems?
We can do this with love and patience without compromising our stand. They believe they are doing the right thing, so we have to talk to their hearts, bypass the religious rhetoric and present compassion and empathy for the broken as our motivation.
We also have to remember that for most christians it's a case of "the bible says so", and that's a tough nut to crack. But with the same level of compassion we can help them to understand that their views are in error, as have been so many christian opinions over the centuries, that had to be adjusted and morality, ethics and science outgrew the ignorance of ancient culture.
We must be strong but loving - compassionate but without compromise - draw the lines but help them gently step over them. It's hard work, but if we can step back from our own reactionary thought processes we will be able to exercise the love they need to see in action.
Monday, 15 May 2017
My Legacy
Many people think that I'm "out and proud", and that my days of living in hidden trauma, depression and self loathing are long gone.
It's been a slow journey out of that mess, and the legacy of that life is deep and lingering. I'm on antidepressants and still have bouts of depression and anxiety. I have ADD that became far worse after the meltdown. I can't absorb complex technical information any more (I used to be a technical writer and Instructional Designer). My brain runs full tilt all the time, dancing from one thing to another without a word of warning. I get confused easily. I'm impulsive. I lose track of what I'm doing. It's not just old age, lol, although I'm sure that doesn't help!
I guess I do give that impression because I'm a passionate advocate for helping people untangle the mess of religion that causes untold damage to millions (and not just LGBT people). I speak about how amazing life is now that I'm free from the bondage and abuse from that belief system.
But there's a legacy (a very large legacy) that I live with - that most who have been through this sort of stuff live with.
Let me explain...
On one level I've never felt more at peace to be free from religion and dogma. I understand love in ways I never thought possible. Life is infinitely better!
But I lived a nightmare for most of my 60 years. I lived a life of shame and guilt - of being a failure, a "freak", faulty, rejected and deeply tormented for being something I couldn't change, which culminated in a meltdown after my wife died.
It's been a slow journey out of that mess, and the legacy of that life is deep and lingering. I'm on antidepressants and still have bouts of depression and anxiety. I have ADD that became far worse after the meltdown. I can't absorb complex technical information any more (I used to be a technical writer and Instructional Designer). My brain runs full tilt all the time, dancing from one thing to another without a word of warning. I get confused easily. I'm impulsive. I lose track of what I'm doing. It's not just old age, lol, although I'm sure that doesn't help!
I struggle every day. It took me 2 years to write It's Life Jim... not only because of the time it took to untangle so much of the mess, but also because my mind doesn't operate in linear coherent ways any more (not that it was ever that good at it anyway). Some days I get up with the best of intentions and clarity only to find it turns to vapour the moment I start to be "productive". I practice mindfulness and go for long walks. I take time as best I can, to slow down. I like my wine and beer, and the odd bit of wacky weed to help slow down the endless barrage of chatter in my head.
I struggle with how most of my life was a complete waste, never finding peace or integrity, self worth and living a complete lie, damaging those closest to me, as well as myself. Sure, there's all the platitudes about my life's journey and nothing is a waste etc... I get that, really I do. But that doesn't help the deep scars left by the endless years of crap.
Daily, "normal" life is not something I do well. I'm one of the walking wounded, with a pronounced limp that I'm slowly realising may never go away. And yet, the paradox is I'm happier than I've ever been. A deep happiness and peace - so much better than my previous life.
One thing I can give, without hesitation, is my integrity and honesty about who I am, what I've done and where I'm at. I can only "share my journey" (cliche alert) with as much honesty as I'm capable of mustering, because that is the only thing any of us can do in the end. Sure I "preach" about the things that have set me free, and I'm passionate about everyone growing into real life and love without fear or dogma. But I'm just me, still discovering my own biases, how my paradigm works, how I affect others, how much I really live what I preach.
My favourite tag line is "Live loved". I'm still learning how powerful and profound those simple words are. Some days are better than others, but it's always a step forward.
The legacy of christianity, for me, is deep. I've seen the utter failing of it's core doctrines. I'm not as bitter as I used to be, and have always recognised that many beautiful, loving people have found a belief system that works for them. They are the ones who have shaped their beliefs around their own inherent beauty, rather than the reality of the belief system itself, but that's a whole other story, lol.
So I guess I'm saying that if I (or anyone) give the impression that I'm suddenly free and perfect after a lifetime of abuse, then sorry, it doesn't work like that.
Now, where's that beer?...
Thursday, 4 May 2017
Pedophile priest forgiven by church...
(Update: this is probably a fake news story, but it doesn't change the issues I'm addressing)
This is not uncommon, as we are all too aware!
Any sane Christian will immediately say that this is not God's will, that it's evil and so on - and rightly so.
I'm not commenting about the subject matter itself though. I'm addressing the whole problem with God allowing this horrific stuff to blacken his name.
Countless atrocities over the centuries, big and small, have been committed by the church. They paint the church as a dark place indeed, despite the glimmers of loving genuine people of the faith.
But here's the problem...
We worry about the tainted image of God and proclaim "but we aren't all like that", and of course that's true. But millions of people don't know that! They have never seen the "good" side. They are ignorant of all you who understand that love is the main thing, so they quite genuinely assume that Christianity is a heap of crap.
God does nothing to stop this.
NOTHING.
He is silent. Yes, you may say, it's up to us to put the record straight and show people how good this god really is, but that never stops this sort of thing. As desperately as we may try to paint a good picture more crap is smeared over the whole thing.
There are lots of trite answers about why god allows this - answers that try to find some sense, but all fail miserably in the light of simple truth and logic. They all end up with the same lame answer - "because god".
People are bitter, angry, horrified, over the hypocrisy of the church. They are the laughing stock. And god is still silent, and not one Christian has a decent response. It's just, you know, because god!
You don't need a religion to be a loving, moral person. We are ALL capable of being better than this god. And better yet, WE then become responsible members of humanity as we work together to confront this type of evil. We don't have to try and justify it all through complex twisted doctrines and theologies. We no longer have a scapegoat.
WE become responsible for love on this planet.
WE are love.
You can believe in a god of some sort if you like, but if you place doctrines and theology above the love of humanity in any way, you have missed the plot.
It's time for humanity to mature, grow up, out of religion and accept our rightful place and responsibilities.
This is not uncommon, as we are all too aware!
 |
| Paedophile priest with HIV who raped 30 children forgiven by church... |
I'm not commenting about the subject matter itself though. I'm addressing the whole problem with God allowing this horrific stuff to blacken his name.
Countless atrocities over the centuries, big and small, have been committed by the church. They paint the church as a dark place indeed, despite the glimmers of loving genuine people of the faith.
But here's the problem...
We worry about the tainted image of God and proclaim "but we aren't all like that", and of course that's true. But millions of people don't know that! They have never seen the "good" side. They are ignorant of all you who understand that love is the main thing, so they quite genuinely assume that Christianity is a heap of crap.
God does nothing to stop this.
NOTHING.
He is silent. Yes, you may say, it's up to us to put the record straight and show people how good this god really is, but that never stops this sort of thing. As desperately as we may try to paint a good picture more crap is smeared over the whole thing.
There are lots of trite answers about why god allows this - answers that try to find some sense, but all fail miserably in the light of simple truth and logic. They all end up with the same lame answer - "because god".
People are bitter, angry, horrified, over the hypocrisy of the church. They are the laughing stock. And god is still silent, and not one Christian has a decent response. It's just, you know, because god!
You don't need a religion to be a loving, moral person. We are ALL capable of being better than this god. And better yet, WE then become responsible members of humanity as we work together to confront this type of evil. We don't have to try and justify it all through complex twisted doctrines and theologies. We no longer have a scapegoat.
WE become responsible for love on this planet.
WE are love.
You can believe in a god of some sort if you like, but if you place doctrines and theology above the love of humanity in any way, you have missed the plot.
It's time for humanity to mature, grow up, out of religion and accept our rightful place and responsibilities.
Thursday, 6 April 2017
The Psychological Legacy
If you've read my book "It's Life Jim..." you'll be familiar with how my mental state was affected by my life of battling sexuality with religion and the constant fight with depression and suicide ideation.
When my wife died it all came to a head and I had a "meltdown" or whatever you want to call it. The symptoms were a relentless combination of heavy depression (like walking around covered in a wet dark blanket, unable to think beyond the pain and confusion that keeps pounding your head), Intense anxiety attacks (that created a physical gnawing in the gut, confusion, a strange disassociation from my environment and a feeling that I was about to burst into tears), and an escalation of ADHD symptoms (lack of focus, restlessness, confusion, thought's racing etc). The suicide ideation thankfully went!
This lead to counselling and medication and living on the benefit. There was no way I could hold down a job!
Nearly six years later I'm doing pretty good, but there's the legacy that I just have to live with despite my best efforts. All of these symptoms are still around. Yes, I get days where the depression hits (although nothing like it was) and I still get anxiety attacks, and the ADHD symptoms are the bane of my life.
I've learnt the triggers (mostly) and how to handle it all. I can sense better when I might take a nosedive, and I know how to "roll" with it and not be fearful.
But it's still there. This is the legacy of a life ruled by religious control, cognitive dissonance, self loathing and emotional abuse. Will it ever go away? I'd like to think so, but I'm not holding my breath.
It's like this for countless others. We are presumed to be over it and "all better now". Sure, we've moved on and even enjoy life in ways we never dreamed of. My life is fantastic and fulfilling. But the legacy quietly lives on, reminding us daily.
Be gentle with yourself.
Learn your weaknesses and accept them.
Roll with them, don't fight them.
Find the best way through it - socialise or retreat - talk to people or hide in your cave... there's no right or wrong, just whatever enables you to move through it safely.
Get help if needed, any time, don't be a martyr.
Life is good, no matter what the past has done to us. Life is rich and full of wonder and love.
Live it!!
When my wife died it all came to a head and I had a "meltdown" or whatever you want to call it. The symptoms were a relentless combination of heavy depression (like walking around covered in a wet dark blanket, unable to think beyond the pain and confusion that keeps pounding your head), Intense anxiety attacks (that created a physical gnawing in the gut, confusion, a strange disassociation from my environment and a feeling that I was about to burst into tears), and an escalation of ADHD symptoms (lack of focus, restlessness, confusion, thought's racing etc). The suicide ideation thankfully went!
This lead to counselling and medication and living on the benefit. There was no way I could hold down a job!
Nearly six years later I'm doing pretty good, but there's the legacy that I just have to live with despite my best efforts. All of these symptoms are still around. Yes, I get days where the depression hits (although nothing like it was) and I still get anxiety attacks, and the ADHD symptoms are the bane of my life.
I've learnt the triggers (mostly) and how to handle it all. I can sense better when I might take a nosedive, and I know how to "roll" with it and not be fearful.
But it's still there. This is the legacy of a life ruled by religious control, cognitive dissonance, self loathing and emotional abuse. Will it ever go away? I'd like to think so, but I'm not holding my breath.
It's like this for countless others. We are presumed to be over it and "all better now". Sure, we've moved on and even enjoy life in ways we never dreamed of. My life is fantastic and fulfilling. But the legacy quietly lives on, reminding us daily.
Be gentle with yourself.
Learn your weaknesses and accept them.
Roll with them, don't fight them.
Find the best way through it - socialise or retreat - talk to people or hide in your cave... there's no right or wrong, just whatever enables you to move through it safely.
Get help if needed, any time, don't be a martyr.
Life is good, no matter what the past has done to us. Life is rich and full of wonder and love.
Live it!!
Wednesday, 12 October 2016
Is Love a Discipline? - Pt 3
So, is love a discipline or isn't it?
So far I've proposed that it isn't (Part 1, Part 2) . However there are aspects of our self worth that create the free flow of love that do require discipline.
Loving ourselves doesn't come from doing nothing, we have to work at it. But that work isn't striving and beating ourselves up. It's a gentle, honest and determined work. It's a work that requires us to be painfully honest with ourselves on one hand, and incredibly gentle on the other.
We must stop and look closely at how we feel about ourselves - question our actions and reactions - our habits - the things we say to ourselves - what we think when we look in the mirror and so on. We must look at what has hurt us, abused us, broken us, to create these reactions and self image. It can be really painful indeed, especially where abuse is involved.
Then we "let go" and simply accept those things as who we are with no judgement. Yep, as ridiculous as it sounds, after being honest and recognising our lack of love, we simply accept it and stop struggling. When we have suffered abuse and trauma, this can be very scary and "triggering", but that's ok. We are allowed to feel the emotions of these things, but with the intention of "letting go", in the sense that we become the observer, rather than the participant. This requires the discipline of non-judgement, a gentle and respectful process, and often needs the help of trusted friends or compassionate counsellors.
Only then can we begin the important task of "re-programming" our minds, requiring the next step in discipline. We've spent years soaking up all the crap that creates a bad self image and allowed ourselves to be brainwashed by it all, so we have to reverse that process, and that takes some determination.
We all know that pretentious stuff about positive self talk, well guess what, it works! BUT, it only works when we have been honest and done all the ground work I've mentioned. The two sides go hand in hand - non-judgemental observation and acceptance of our past and the paradigm that has created, and the re-programming of our minds to the truth of our worth.
Positive self talk isn't some fluffy bullshit. It can be painful, and seem like you are going against everything your mind and even your body is telling you. But remember, you are actually reversing the brainwashing of a lifetime of pain and lies, so it WILL go against all you feel.
The basic idea is telling yourself all the time and in every way we can think of, that we are perfect, beautiful, awesome, loved, accepted, needed etc. We take the time to think of all the things we'd like to be and actually declare that we ARE those things. We look in the mirror and say (no matter how hard it is) "I love you!". Find people who love you exactly as you are, who feed your heart. Immerse yourself in positive books and media - anything that affirms your real value as a beautiful, loving creation.
This is discipline, and it can be bloody hard work! But the one thing it isn't, is trying to love others by doing "loving" things. It's not sacrificing our own desires for the needs of others. It's not putting god first, others second and ourselves last. It's not trying to be loving. But it IS disciplining ourselves to undo the lies that we have been told and have taken deep into our hearts.
You ARE love incarnate - live loved!
So far I've proposed that it isn't (Part 1, Part 2) . However there are aspects of our self worth that create the free flow of love that do require discipline.
Loving ourselves doesn't come from doing nothing, we have to work at it. But that work isn't striving and beating ourselves up. It's a gentle, honest and determined work. It's a work that requires us to be painfully honest with ourselves on one hand, and incredibly gentle on the other.
We must stop and look closely at how we feel about ourselves - question our actions and reactions - our habits - the things we say to ourselves - what we think when we look in the mirror and so on. We must look at what has hurt us, abused us, broken us, to create these reactions and self image. It can be really painful indeed, especially where abuse is involved.
Then we "let go" and simply accept those things as who we are with no judgement. Yep, as ridiculous as it sounds, after being honest and recognising our lack of love, we simply accept it and stop struggling. When we have suffered abuse and trauma, this can be very scary and "triggering", but that's ok. We are allowed to feel the emotions of these things, but with the intention of "letting go", in the sense that we become the observer, rather than the participant. This requires the discipline of non-judgement, a gentle and respectful process, and often needs the help of trusted friends or compassionate counsellors.
Only then can we begin the important task of "re-programming" our minds, requiring the next step in discipline. We've spent years soaking up all the crap that creates a bad self image and allowed ourselves to be brainwashed by it all, so we have to reverse that process, and that takes some determination.
We all know that pretentious stuff about positive self talk, well guess what, it works! BUT, it only works when we have been honest and done all the ground work I've mentioned. The two sides go hand in hand - non-judgemental observation and acceptance of our past and the paradigm that has created, and the re-programming of our minds to the truth of our worth.
Positive self talk isn't some fluffy bullshit. It can be painful, and seem like you are going against everything your mind and even your body is telling you. But remember, you are actually reversing the brainwashing of a lifetime of pain and lies, so it WILL go against all you feel.
The basic idea is telling yourself all the time and in every way we can think of, that we are perfect, beautiful, awesome, loved, accepted, needed etc. We take the time to think of all the things we'd like to be and actually declare that we ARE those things. We look in the mirror and say (no matter how hard it is) "I love you!". Find people who love you exactly as you are, who feed your heart. Immerse yourself in positive books and media - anything that affirms your real value as a beautiful, loving creation.
This is discipline, and it can be bloody hard work! But the one thing it isn't, is trying to love others by doing "loving" things. It's not sacrificing our own desires for the needs of others. It's not putting god first, others second and ourselves last. It's not trying to be loving. But it IS disciplining ourselves to undo the lies that we have been told and have taken deep into our hearts.
You ARE love incarnate - live loved!
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
I'm Angry
I'm struggling with anger.
If you are familiar with my journey, it may come as no surprise.
Here's some of what I'm angry about:
And that's not the half of it!
I thought over the last 5 years I've been sorting it all out pretty well, and on a intellectual level I certainly have. Even emotionally I've processed a lot of stuff. But lately I've discovered the anger is deeper than I thought. It's that incessant feeling of "I've been ripped off all my life and it's too late to do anything about it".
Of course I know all the valuable lessons I've learned, all the clichés, platitudes and truisms, and intellectually I can reassure myself that it was worth it all. But I've unconsciously tried to suppress the anger - and even thought it was done and dusted and I could move on to a better life.
Nooo, I was deceived! As I research more about religion and its impact on not only LGBT people but humanity in general, I feel an anger, and a repulsion towards christianity (and ALL religions) in a way that's hard to describe.
Sure, I know there are millions of good loving people who bring their own love into a doctrinally bankrupt belief system and turn it around for good. But I'm still angry at the whole thing. I never want to set foot in a church again.
Yes, my understanding of spirituality is now so much bigger and all embracing and loving than I ever would have thought possible.
But I'm still angry - deep down angry. And I think that's ok. If I suppress it I'm really doing the same thing religion always wanted me to do. If I explode with it all, I risk damaging others. So I'm learning to express it, being aware that others could get hurt, but also aware that in sharing my hurt and anger, others will realise that they too have lived lives of abuse and deception that need to be opened up and drained like an infected wound.
Being "real" is something very few of us are good at. It's scary - to ourselves and everyone else. But I'm beginning to think that the world will be a far better place when we all understand what being real actually is, and we can do it "safely". (and that's a whole other blog).
If you are familiar with my journey, it may come as no surprise.
Here's some of what I'm angry about:
- Having to hide who I really was all my life - conform to a heterosexual norm
- Having to use every ounce of emotional energy I had to appear "normal" at the cost of everything else in my life
- The journey through christianity in the hope that it would "cure" me
- Investing 45 years of my life into a belief system that brought nothing but shame and guilt
- Realising that same belief system is nothing more than a man made set of doctrines
- Realising I've been manipulated and controlled by a religious system that did the exact opposite of what it claimed - and being completely blind to it all my life
- Deprived of ever having experienced a real mutually loving romantic relationship for 45 years
- Seeing the same belief system cause untold pain and suffering in millions of others
And that's not the half of it! I thought over the last 5 years I've been sorting it all out pretty well, and on a intellectual level I certainly have. Even emotionally I've processed a lot of stuff. But lately I've discovered the anger is deeper than I thought. It's that incessant feeling of "I've been ripped off all my life and it's too late to do anything about it".
Of course I know all the valuable lessons I've learned, all the clichés, platitudes and truisms, and intellectually I can reassure myself that it was worth it all. But I've unconsciously tried to suppress the anger - and even thought it was done and dusted and I could move on to a better life.
Nooo, I was deceived! As I research more about religion and its impact on not only LGBT people but humanity in general, I feel an anger, and a repulsion towards christianity (and ALL religions) in a way that's hard to describe.
Sure, I know there are millions of good loving people who bring their own love into a doctrinally bankrupt belief system and turn it around for good. But I'm still angry at the whole thing. I never want to set foot in a church again.
Yes, my understanding of spirituality is now so much bigger and all embracing and loving than I ever would have thought possible.
But I'm still angry - deep down angry. And I think that's ok. If I suppress it I'm really doing the same thing religion always wanted me to do. If I explode with it all, I risk damaging others. So I'm learning to express it, being aware that others could get hurt, but also aware that in sharing my hurt and anger, others will realise that they too have lived lives of abuse and deception that need to be opened up and drained like an infected wound.
Being "real" is something very few of us are good at. It's scary - to ourselves and everyone else. But I'm beginning to think that the world will be a far better place when we all understand what being real actually is, and we can do it "safely". (and that's a whole other blog).
Monday, 13 June 2016
What the F#$%* is love?
The more I observe, the more I realise that despite everyone talking about love, there's not that much consensus on what it actually is and how we do it.
There's a lot of commercial and media hype around it of course - always has been. But that's just about the "feeling", sex etc. We all kinda know that (hopefully).
When we sit down and have deeper conversations (or full on abuse sessions on Facebook, lol) it seems that all is ok until we have to apply it to real life. That's where the shit hits the fan so to speak.
So where do we start?
I guess the "golden rule" - Treat everyone as you want to be treated - is the most universal concept of love that every religion holds central (ignoring the fact that they also have many ways to get around it). It's a wonderful truth that we can't ignore, it hits at the heart of our humanity. Think about how you want to be treated in any given situation, and simply reverse the roles. It's easy to comprehend, profound in its impact, and is a blow to our ego in it's worst moments. This makes it far harder than we often care to admit.
Christianity has it nicely nailed in the (apparent) writings of Paul:
1 Cor 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
.....faith, hope, love, but the greatest of these is love.
We read this and get to about verse 5 and think cool yeah, I got that.. but then there's "keeps no records of wrongs", "never dishonours", "always protects, trusts, etc". This all starts to look like a hippy new age conspiracy. We tend to think of it as a nice ideal but rather impractical.
But how do WE want to be treated in ANY situation? Say we do something really wrong, stuff up big time, even to the point of damaging someone else's life. We are stuck, possibly in shame or grief, or maybe in denial. Our lives have stopped at that point (to greater or lesser degrees) not knowing how to move on. We want to be forgiven, we need someone, somehow to say, "that was horrific! - now how can I help you clean up the mess and move forward?" And we want them to help us with no judgement, just to accept that we blew it big time and now need to do whatever we can to grow, to avoid it again, to make amends - whatever is needed.
Love says, "OK lets apply this both ways - to everyone around us". Living like this requires patience, kindness, lack of envy and pride, no dis-honouring and always cool headed, not keeping records of crap, protecting, trusting, hoping, preserving".
I get angry when I see harm caused to so many in so many ways. I get angry at the really stupid and "evil" things people do. I get angry at bigotry in any form. I lash out at people, wanting them to be punished for their actions. I get angry with me! We so easily let the emotion take over the need. Of course, we must not live in denial of the emotions, we have to work with them, through them, shaping them and growing out of them.
We are all victims and perpetrators throughout our lives in some way or another. The problem becomes living the love we need to overcome being either!
There's a lot of commercial and media hype around it of course - always has been. But that's just about the "feeling", sex etc. We all kinda know that (hopefully).
When we sit down and have deeper conversations (or full on abuse sessions on Facebook, lol) it seems that all is ok until we have to apply it to real life. That's where the shit hits the fan so to speak.
So where do we start?
I guess the "golden rule" - Treat everyone as you want to be treated - is the most universal concept of love that every religion holds central (ignoring the fact that they also have many ways to get around it). It's a wonderful truth that we can't ignore, it hits at the heart of our humanity. Think about how you want to be treated in any given situation, and simply reverse the roles. It's easy to comprehend, profound in its impact, and is a blow to our ego in it's worst moments. This makes it far harder than we often care to admit.
Christianity has it nicely nailed in the (apparent) writings of Paul:1 Cor 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
.....faith, hope, love, but the greatest of these is love.
We read this and get to about verse 5 and think cool yeah, I got that.. but then there's "keeps no records of wrongs", "never dishonours", "always protects, trusts, etc". This all starts to look like a hippy new age conspiracy. We tend to think of it as a nice ideal but rather impractical.
But how do WE want to be treated in ANY situation? Say we do something really wrong, stuff up big time, even to the point of damaging someone else's life. We are stuck, possibly in shame or grief, or maybe in denial. Our lives have stopped at that point (to greater or lesser degrees) not knowing how to move on. We want to be forgiven, we need someone, somehow to say, "that was horrific! - now how can I help you clean up the mess and move forward?" And we want them to help us with no judgement, just to accept that we blew it big time and now need to do whatever we can to grow, to avoid it again, to make amends - whatever is needed.
Love says, "OK lets apply this both ways - to everyone around us". Living like this requires patience, kindness, lack of envy and pride, no dis-honouring and always cool headed, not keeping records of crap, protecting, trusting, hoping, preserving".
I get angry when I see harm caused to so many in so many ways. I get angry at the really stupid and "evil" things people do. I get angry at bigotry in any form. I lash out at people, wanting them to be punished for their actions. I get angry with me! We so easily let the emotion take over the need. Of course, we must not live in denial of the emotions, we have to work with them, through them, shaping them and growing out of them.
We are all victims and perpetrators throughout our lives in some way or another. The problem becomes living the love we need to overcome being either!
Thursday, 9 June 2016
Rape, Life, Love - part 2
As expected, I had some negative responses from my last blog
Even this response only scratches the surface of the issue. I hope that at least I'm inspiring thought and a challenge to actually live our ideals.
Some people challenged me (rightly so) on my idealism, lack of practical application, not understanding love and promoting "wishy washy lets just love and everything will be ok" philosophy. So understanding love is rather important!
Everyone thinks they know basically what love is all about. I used to have it nicely defined, especially from my christian background, but now I see it as something foundational to the nature of all that "is", far bigger and more impacting than we ever imagined. It's not just an option, but utterly essential to the survival and future growth of humanity.
Many people have some point at which they say something is unforgivable, particularly with abuse and rape. This is a very valid position to hold when we consider the long term implications that many have suffered - the devastation on so many lives and families. Exercising any form of love beyond immediate self care is often inconceivable.
But here's the bigger picture.
Do we want humanity to grow? Do we want to see people with that need to abuse even becoming an issue in the first place? Do we want to the world to be a "nicer" place? Rhetorical questions I'm sure! But how do we do that? By making the gigantic, emotionally taxing, intellectually challenging step of understanding the nature of love and actually living it.
Punishment does not work - ever - for anything. Thousands of years of history show this. Yes it will stop people out of fear, but it never changes the heart. You catch someone who abuses, lock them up as punishment, declare them evil scum, and hope they throw away the key. It solves the immediate problem of getting that person out of society so they can't re-offend, but does nothing for the victim or the abuser.
The victim may get a certain sense of justice, but it's not the thing that brings healing. It certainly doesn't heal the abuser, after all, abuse is about power and control, and locking them up only frustrates and represses that need, potentially making them even worse. Again, this works on one level because they are out of the way in prison, but if they get out, they re-offend, just as needy for power and control as ever.
Working with the abuser in love, with love, for love, means setting strong boundaries and creating a safe environment for others and themselves. It means confronting them with the consequences of the actions. It means working with them through their own need for control, their lack of self respect/self love, their insecurities that drive them to abuse. It means looking at everything that drives them to become abusive.
Punishment is the most negative and damaging things humans can do to each other. But think carefully about that before you react. When you have been punished for something what did you learn? You learnt fear. You stopped what you were doing, but it didn't make you a better person. It brought a redirection of behaviour through fear and more often than not repressed the cause of the behaviour you were punished for. For many it just means they put more effort into not being caught! This is at the core of punitive justice in every form at every level of our lives.
So, you do something wrong, and instead of being punished, you are shown the effects and consequences of what you did. You are made aware of the ongoing implications and damage to others etc. You are embraced and not shamed for your actions but gently and firmly held responsible for them. You are shown respect and dignity for your humanity. You are loved, without conditions, drawn into a level of empathy that heals.
Yes, for many that will be a long hard and frustrating journey, and it may seem inconceivable that we should take that much effort for many abusers. The justice system, the prison system, the mental health system and social work system simply isn't set up to do this. They aren't trained or resourced to even consider this. They have to work within the parameters that are dictated by society/government etc. So yeah, I'm talking about an ideal in the current social systems we have.
What do we do? The only thing we can - we change ourselves!
We look at our own hearts, we look at how much we love ourselves, our own sense of self worth, and begin there. We dig deep with compassion and empathy towards ourselves until we find peace within us that needs no outside support.
Then we do the same for those around us. We begin to "live loved". We can't change the world by tomorrow, but we CAN change ourselves, starting now.
So back to the original post...
Do you want change or "justice"?
Do you want freedom or revenge?
Do you want to to see the world grow in love and life?
or continue in judgement, bitterness and cynicism?
No one ever "deserves" fear and hate.
And for the victims? Asking them to work through the process of forgiveness is a very big ask indeed, and yet, it's the only thing that will bring them life again. My heart aches every time I hear of the suffering of abuse victims, and I will do all I can to love and support anyone, but deep down we know that real life can only comes from that place when love is allowed to bring forgiveness.
But like I said, this hardly scratches the surface. We must stand together, in love, for love, to change this world!!
Even this response only scratches the surface of the issue. I hope that at least I'm inspiring thought and a challenge to actually live our ideals.
Some people challenged me (rightly so) on my idealism, lack of practical application, not understanding love and promoting "wishy washy lets just love and everything will be ok" philosophy. So understanding love is rather important!
Everyone thinks they know basically what love is all about. I used to have it nicely defined, especially from my christian background, but now I see it as something foundational to the nature of all that "is", far bigger and more impacting than we ever imagined. It's not just an option, but utterly essential to the survival and future growth of humanity.Many people have some point at which they say something is unforgivable, particularly with abuse and rape. This is a very valid position to hold when we consider the long term implications that many have suffered - the devastation on so many lives and families. Exercising any form of love beyond immediate self care is often inconceivable.
But here's the bigger picture.
Do we want humanity to grow? Do we want to see people with that need to abuse even becoming an issue in the first place? Do we want to the world to be a "nicer" place? Rhetorical questions I'm sure! But how do we do that? By making the gigantic, emotionally taxing, intellectually challenging step of understanding the nature of love and actually living it.
Punishment does not work - ever - for anything. Thousands of years of history show this. Yes it will stop people out of fear, but it never changes the heart. You catch someone who abuses, lock them up as punishment, declare them evil scum, and hope they throw away the key. It solves the immediate problem of getting that person out of society so they can't re-offend, but does nothing for the victim or the abuser.
The victim may get a certain sense of justice, but it's not the thing that brings healing. It certainly doesn't heal the abuser, after all, abuse is about power and control, and locking them up only frustrates and represses that need, potentially making them even worse. Again, this works on one level because they are out of the way in prison, but if they get out, they re-offend, just as needy for power and control as ever.
Working with the abuser in love, with love, for love, means setting strong boundaries and creating a safe environment for others and themselves. It means confronting them with the consequences of the actions. It means working with them through their own need for control, their lack of self respect/self love, their insecurities that drive them to abuse. It means looking at everything that drives them to become abusive.
Punishment is the most negative and damaging things humans can do to each other. But think carefully about that before you react. When you have been punished for something what did you learn? You learnt fear. You stopped what you were doing, but it didn't make you a better person. It brought a redirection of behaviour through fear and more often than not repressed the cause of the behaviour you were punished for. For many it just means they put more effort into not being caught! This is at the core of punitive justice in every form at every level of our lives.
So, you do something wrong, and instead of being punished, you are shown the effects and consequences of what you did. You are made aware of the ongoing implications and damage to others etc. You are embraced and not shamed for your actions but gently and firmly held responsible for them. You are shown respect and dignity for your humanity. You are loved, without conditions, drawn into a level of empathy that heals.
Yes, for many that will be a long hard and frustrating journey, and it may seem inconceivable that we should take that much effort for many abusers. The justice system, the prison system, the mental health system and social work system simply isn't set up to do this. They aren't trained or resourced to even consider this. They have to work within the parameters that are dictated by society/government etc. So yeah, I'm talking about an ideal in the current social systems we have.
What do we do? The only thing we can - we change ourselves!
We look at our own hearts, we look at how much we love ourselves, our own sense of self worth, and begin there. We dig deep with compassion and empathy towards ourselves until we find peace within us that needs no outside support.
Then we do the same for those around us. We begin to "live loved". We can't change the world by tomorrow, but we CAN change ourselves, starting now.
So back to the original post...
Do you want change or "justice"?
Do you want freedom or revenge?
Do you want to to see the world grow in love and life?
or continue in judgement, bitterness and cynicism?
No one ever "deserves" fear and hate.
And for the victims? Asking them to work through the process of forgiveness is a very big ask indeed, and yet, it's the only thing that will bring them life again. My heart aches every time I hear of the suffering of abuse victims, and I will do all I can to love and support anyone, but deep down we know that real life can only comes from that place when love is allowed to bring forgiveness.
But like I said, this hardly scratches the surface. We must stand together, in love, for love, to change this world!!
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
Rape, life, love
We label people by their worst acts.
We declare a person to BE a
Rapist[this doesn't just apply to rape of course - you can add any other labels here]
When a line is crossed, within whatever social/moral/ethical standards we define, a person becomes the label. Their entire value as a human is reduced to the label.
Rape.
Now here's where I'm treading on thin ice.
Firstly, I think any form of violation towards a person, be it physical, emotional, whatever, is wrong. It comes from a place of uncontrolled ego, lack of respect, compassion and empathy etc, but mostly a lack of love. Whatever the reason it's unjustifiable.
But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how we define someone who has committed that sort of violation. We no longer accept them as someone who has done something really bad, but are willing to love them through it and help them confront the issue and the root causes. They have become the act - someone who has raped becomes a "rapist". They are no longer a complex human full of hurt, pain, desire, emotions, all shaped by a lifetime of experiences, upbringing, social context etc. They have simply become a rapist (or paedophile etc), no longer a person of any worth or value, they are now exclusively defined by their crime. They have become an object of hatred - a focal point of evil.
With all the respect, compassion and empathy due to victims of abuse/violation in any form, to take away someone's intrinsic humanity and replace it with a label that becomes a life sentence - a slow death fuelled by other people's need for revenge, justice, retribution, disgust and hatred - makes us no better than the abuser.
I'm also not talking about the impact on the victim, or the need to perhaps remove an abuser from society to keep others safe. This is all about perception and the value of every single life, no matter who they are or what they've done.
Do you know why forgiveness and love are constantly regarded as the most powerful things we can bring to this world? Because they are the only things that bring real change. You want to change a rapist? Love them, after all, the only reason they rape is because they don't understand love. If we demonstrate love in deep practical and powerful ways we will see it bring change. If we demonstrate revenge, hatred, and remove a person's humanity, we bring death. Unfortunately, many victims actually want that, and I can genuinely understand that! I know many victims who have deep lifelong scars from abuse. But that still doesn't change the fact that love brings life, and every single human being deserves life.
Stop the labels
Stop spreading hate
It takes effort, a lot of effort, to live loved. It's the "narrow road".
It takes no effort to condemn someone to death.
It takes a lot of effort to exercise concern, empathy.
It takes no effort to judge and demand retribution.
Again, to ALL victims of abuse of any form - I get it, I really do, the affect is devastating and deep. But what are we going to do about it? How are we going to bring life to EVERYONE out of pain of abuse - not just the victim.
"Live loved" = not just an empty platitude!
Friday, 3 June 2016
Dear bigoted, fundamentalist, homophobic christians...
Now that I have your attention, allow me to elaborate.
Have you ever noticed that if you pull someone up for something negative (especially online), most of the time they assume you're are making a derogatory comment about their value as a human being. They instantly think you are being personally slanderous.
If I say to someone that their comment is bigoted, most assume that I'm calling them a bigot, in the sense that I've just described their entire worth in one word. And yet all I'm saying is the comment or attitude that they have displayed in a particular context is bigoted.
There is also the whole issue of generalisations. I could say that most fundamentalist christians are close minded and refuse to listen to anything outside their set of dogmas. Once again, generalisations are exactly that - general statements that aren't meant to imply any personal defamation to an individual. It's simply a statement that describes a common mindset.
What I'm trying to say is that any particular mindset or opinion you may have about something doesn't define your entire character or value as a human being. It may be an opinion that really sucks and needs to be challenged, but it still isn't who you are.
I have friends who I constantly have digs at for their particular views on something, but that doesn't devalue their humanity - their worth, the years of life experience, pain and suffering, joys, heartaches - all the things that make them humans like you and me!
Let's try to stop taking offence so easily and actually listen to people. If someone calls you a right wing conservative fundamentalist homophobic misogynist racist, it simply means they have reacted to that particular part of your life paradigm. It's what they've seen presented in a conversation or comment, a post or meme. And yes, often people get carried away and really do think your entire worth is contained in one viewpoint, but try to remember that they don't know you - they don't know everything that has made you who you are right now. They are reacting to that part of you that has been presented to them.
When you respond to people, be careful to clarify that it's the comment that may be the problem, NOT them as equal and fallible humans. The comment only represents a small part of their life paradigm. Instead of saying "you are a bigot", make it clear that "your comment was bigoted". Notice the difference? It's huge! And make sure that they understand the difference too!
It's all about love really - empathy and respect. And no, I don't always get it right myself, and lose my cool, but I'm also quick (hopefully) to apologise when I realise what I've done.
Living loved is what it's all about, and remember, you can always politely just "walk" away.
Have you ever noticed that if you pull someone up for something negative (especially online), most of the time they assume you're are making a derogatory comment about their value as a human being. They instantly think you are being personally slanderous.
If I say to someone that their comment is bigoted, most assume that I'm calling them a bigot, in the sense that I've just described their entire worth in one word. And yet all I'm saying is the comment or attitude that they have displayed in a particular context is bigoted.There is also the whole issue of generalisations. I could say that most fundamentalist christians are close minded and refuse to listen to anything outside their set of dogmas. Once again, generalisations are exactly that - general statements that aren't meant to imply any personal defamation to an individual. It's simply a statement that describes a common mindset.
What I'm trying to say is that any particular mindset or opinion you may have about something doesn't define your entire character or value as a human being. It may be an opinion that really sucks and needs to be challenged, but it still isn't who you are.
I have friends who I constantly have digs at for their particular views on something, but that doesn't devalue their humanity - their worth, the years of life experience, pain and suffering, joys, heartaches - all the things that make them humans like you and me!
Let's try to stop taking offence so easily and actually listen to people. If someone calls you a right wing conservative fundamentalist homophobic misogynist racist, it simply means they have reacted to that particular part of your life paradigm. It's what they've seen presented in a conversation or comment, a post or meme. And yes, often people get carried away and really do think your entire worth is contained in one viewpoint, but try to remember that they don't know you - they don't know everything that has made you who you are right now. They are reacting to that part of you that has been presented to them.
When you respond to people, be careful to clarify that it's the comment that may be the problem, NOT them as equal and fallible humans. The comment only represents a small part of their life paradigm. Instead of saying "you are a bigot", make it clear that "your comment was bigoted". Notice the difference? It's huge! And make sure that they understand the difference too!
It's all about love really - empathy and respect. And no, I don't always get it right myself, and lose my cool, but I'm also quick (hopefully) to apologise when I realise what I've done.
Living loved is what it's all about, and remember, you can always politely just "walk" away.
Tuesday, 10 May 2016
Is Christianity "evil"?
Define "evil" Jim...
There are lots of definitions we could probably agree with, but I choose something simple:
Evil is the lack of, or non-application of love.
So, why do I think ALL religion is evil?
For that I'd have to define love, and again, to keep it simple:
Love is the unconditional acceptance of a person's unique worth (including our own), without judgement or conditions.
ALL religions fail on the definition of love. Many blatantly, such as fundamentalist Islam and Christianity. But many on a far more subtle level, such as the rest of christianity. I'll stick to Christianity because it's the religion I'm very well versed in.
By it's very nature - it's foundational doctrines that define the essence of christian beliefs - Christianity is judgemental and conditional. Consider the following:
This is not love. In fact it's the opposite, it's evil. Even by the bible's own definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, most christians don't have a clue what love really is.
I know there are many of my christian friends who do genuinely feel empathy and compassion without judgement for a lot of people, but when I think of myself and so many others, we always had an agenda. We didn't love people simply because they were human beings worthy of love. That agenda was deeply ingrained and coloured every thought and action.
Christianity is starting to evolve thank God (irony intended). Many are recognising this glaring paradox and adjusting their theology and doctrines. But that in itself raises bigger questions about the foundations of the faith in the first place.
So back to my premise...
Christians aren't evil people, but the foundational doctrines and theology are! The bible is not a book of love, despite the odd gem. It's a book of conditions and control, of subtle and blatant abuse, of ancient cultural bigotry and primitive uneducated mindsets, lacking the combined wisdom of 2000 years of moral/social/philosophical evolution.
We are now, as a species, far more moral than the God of the bible. Christianity keeps trying to pull us back to that ancient mindset, creating the exact opposite of what this world needs to grow.
But I understand the attraction of Christianity. I really do! I'm not dissing the people, I'm encouraging us to open our eyes to the lies we are deceiving ourselves with. Perhaps we need to see that our beliefs may have served a primitive bunch of Jews, but that they are utterly irrelevant now, to the point of being destructive and yes, evil.
Having said all that, I'm not saying Christians are evil people. But I am saying their whole foundation for love is screwed.
There are lots of definitions we could probably agree with, but I choose something simple:
Evil is the lack of, or non-application of love.
So, why do I think ALL religion is evil?
For that I'd have to define love, and again, to keep it simple:
Love is the unconditional acceptance of a person's unique worth (including our own), without judgement or conditions.
ALL religions fail on the definition of love. Many blatantly, such as fundamentalist Islam and Christianity. But many on a far more subtle level, such as the rest of christianity. I'll stick to Christianity because it's the religion I'm very well versed in.
By it's very nature - it's foundational doctrines that define the essence of christian beliefs - Christianity is judgemental and conditional. Consider the following:
- Everyone is unacceptable to God from birth (yes some are changing their theology around this)
- God cannot accept anyone without them having "faith" in Jesus
- Non-christians are rejected by God
- When you become a christian you must change to be acceptable to God (this is still implied even in the most liberal doctrines)
- Christians can extend loving actions and attitudes to un-saved people, but they are still excluded from God simply by being human.
- Christians are told to judge others, to separate themselves from the ungodly (this is changing in more liberal circles)
- They "love" others with the sole purpose of getting them "saved"
This is not love. In fact it's the opposite, it's evil. Even by the bible's own definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, most christians don't have a clue what love really is.
I know there are many of my christian friends who do genuinely feel empathy and compassion without judgement for a lot of people, but when I think of myself and so many others, we always had an agenda. We didn't love people simply because they were human beings worthy of love. That agenda was deeply ingrained and coloured every thought and action.
Christianity is starting to evolve thank God (irony intended). Many are recognising this glaring paradox and adjusting their theology and doctrines. But that in itself raises bigger questions about the foundations of the faith in the first place.
So back to my premise...
Christians aren't evil people, but the foundational doctrines and theology are! The bible is not a book of love, despite the odd gem. It's a book of conditions and control, of subtle and blatant abuse, of ancient cultural bigotry and primitive uneducated mindsets, lacking the combined wisdom of 2000 years of moral/social/philosophical evolution.
We are now, as a species, far more moral than the God of the bible. Christianity keeps trying to pull us back to that ancient mindset, creating the exact opposite of what this world needs to grow.
But I understand the attraction of Christianity. I really do! I'm not dissing the people, I'm encouraging us to open our eyes to the lies we are deceiving ourselves with. Perhaps we need to see that our beliefs may have served a primitive bunch of Jews, but that they are utterly irrelevant now, to the point of being destructive and yes, evil.
Having said all that, I'm not saying Christians are evil people. But I am saying their whole foundation for love is screwed.
Monday, 2 May 2016
Self worth and Jesus
A central tenet of christian doctrine is the belief that we are intrinsically bad/evil and that only through Jesus can any sense of self worth be attained.
This is strengthened by persistent teachings that say things like "all of Him, none of me", "I can do nothing without Jesus", "I'm just a worthless sinner saved by grace" and countless other expression all based on various interpretation of scripture.
Self worth however, is exactly that - the worth of our "selves". What is our core identity (our essence/spirit/heart - all that we are) actually worth?
Is it doomed, from the moment of our conception, to be thwarted in every attempt at living loved, with honesty and compassion, to be a source of light and love to all around us?
Is our self worth a thing to be despised and utterly rejected, to be replaced in some magical way by the "worthiness" of another, which alone will make us acceptable to our God?
I know there are many doctrines that explain the indwelling of Christ and how he makes us one with him as our spirits are remade in his likeness etc. There are thousands of books written and sermons preached on this.
But all avoid the most fundamental issue - that however we hide it in nice and loving sounding doctrines - our deepest self, the "me" that we were created with that makes up all that we are - is worthless crap until Jesus takes over our hearts and makes us like him.
In a way, this works. Simply because if we accept that we are totally corrupted and screwed up, as is evident by the way we think and live, then believing that a "perfect being" can live inside us and solve this problem by us sacrificing every thought and desire we have to that being, then yeah, we will change, especially as we believe that being is loving and gracious and only wants the best for us.
But at a deeper level this is the ultimate abuse of humanity. It destroys our hearts and souls in a way that is so subtle that we actually think its healthy.
What if the real problem is simply that our own self worth is damaged by the lies we are taught from birth?
What if the examples of constant lovelessness as we grow reinforce the idea that we are so flawed that our only hope is by abandoning the little we have and allowing another being to live vicariously through us?
But what if the flame of our self worth were to be encouraged, brought to life and allowed to be everything it was created to be, simply for its own value?
What if we actually believed that we are beautiful, lovingly made, infinitely valuable, just because we are human? Imagine billions of people honouring each other's unique worth, respecting each other out of their own unique self-worth, living from a place of perfect and complete self love - a love that can do nothing other than embrace the love that we are all made of.
What if the religion we try to use to feel worth something, is doing the exact opposite and is slowly and thoroughly killing us off as individuals and as a species?
Yes, I know many people have been "saved" from lives of misery and abuse through christianity. But what if its nothing more than a cover up - a poor substitute for real life and living powerfully and wholly ourselves, full of love and life?
Personally, I've found this to be the case. By accepting who I am at the core of my being and allowing myself to unconditionally love that "me", I have become more loving, more patient, more compassionate, more filled with peace and joy, and far more capable of giving love to others than any amount of self-sacrifice to Christ could ever bring. Pride and arrogance fall away, rather than grow - the exact opposite of what Christianity told me would happen!
Live loved!
This is strengthened by persistent teachings that say things like "all of Him, none of me", "I can do nothing without Jesus", "I'm just a worthless sinner saved by grace" and countless other expression all based on various interpretation of scripture.
Self worth however, is exactly that - the worth of our "selves". What is our core identity (our essence/spirit/heart - all that we are) actually worth?
Is it doomed, from the moment of our conception, to be thwarted in every attempt at living loved, with honesty and compassion, to be a source of light and love to all around us?
Is our self worth a thing to be despised and utterly rejected, to be replaced in some magical way by the "worthiness" of another, which alone will make us acceptable to our God?
I know there are many doctrines that explain the indwelling of Christ and how he makes us one with him as our spirits are remade in his likeness etc. There are thousands of books written and sermons preached on this.
But all avoid the most fundamental issue - that however we hide it in nice and loving sounding doctrines - our deepest self, the "me" that we were created with that makes up all that we are - is worthless crap until Jesus takes over our hearts and makes us like him.
In a way, this works. Simply because if we accept that we are totally corrupted and screwed up, as is evident by the way we think and live, then believing that a "perfect being" can live inside us and solve this problem by us sacrificing every thought and desire we have to that being, then yeah, we will change, especially as we believe that being is loving and gracious and only wants the best for us.
But at a deeper level this is the ultimate abuse of humanity. It destroys our hearts and souls in a way that is so subtle that we actually think its healthy.
What if the real problem is simply that our own self worth is damaged by the lies we are taught from birth?
What if the examples of constant lovelessness as we grow reinforce the idea that we are so flawed that our only hope is by abandoning the little we have and allowing another being to live vicariously through us?
But what if the flame of our self worth were to be encouraged, brought to life and allowed to be everything it was created to be, simply for its own value?
What if we actually believed that we are beautiful, lovingly made, infinitely valuable, just because we are human? Imagine billions of people honouring each other's unique worth, respecting each other out of their own unique self-worth, living from a place of perfect and complete self love - a love that can do nothing other than embrace the love that we are all made of.
What if the religion we try to use to feel worth something, is doing the exact opposite and is slowly and thoroughly killing us off as individuals and as a species?
Yes, I know many people have been "saved" from lives of misery and abuse through christianity. But what if its nothing more than a cover up - a poor substitute for real life and living powerfully and wholly ourselves, full of love and life?
Personally, I've found this to be the case. By accepting who I am at the core of my being and allowing myself to unconditionally love that "me", I have become more loving, more patient, more compassionate, more filled with peace and joy, and far more capable of giving love to others than any amount of self-sacrifice to Christ could ever bring. Pride and arrogance fall away, rather than grow - the exact opposite of what Christianity told me would happen!
Live loved!
Wednesday, 13 April 2016
Our lovingly evil god
The last few years have seen me become more and more ruthless with my attacks on Christianity.
Many people say I've thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Others think I've just become bitter and hopefully, one day I'll see that my bad experiences have taken me this way, and that God really is as loving as many believe. Some understand the depth of what I've battled with, some say I'm just deceived and have become a tool of the "enemy".
I've posted many blogs about this, so I thought it was time for one more, lol.
The "grace" message that so many now preach was a huge step for me. The idea that God indeed absolutely and unconditionally loves everyone was mind-blowing. The doctrines of the "finished work of Jesus and the cross" finally made so much make sense.
...sort of...
The problem however was the brain teasing, mind twisting doctrinal re-arranging we have to do to get the bible to make any real sense. The proponents of Grace can back their doctrines with solid scriptures, but like it or not, it's at the cost of others.
I still, in all honesty, couldn't reconcile the character of God, as represented throughout the entire bible, as being a truly loving God. I studied and read so many books. I prayed and meditated on it, even did 2 years bible college. But ultimately I had to admit that the God of the bible is an asshole. In fact, far worse than that. To accept that the bible gives us the entire picture of a never changing, omniscient, omni-everything God forces us to accept the horrors that he inflicted as well as the supposed good. The God of the Old Testament was a monster - no better than the gods of the surrounding heathen nations, and probably more arrogant and exclusive.
The god of the New Testament seems a lot more loving and forgiving, but it doesn't take much to see that no matter how good we spin the doctrines, he's still an asshole.
He's exclusive, demanding and judgemental, unless we choose to love him. It's that simple. And yes, I know every argument and doctrine in the book for both sides. I've been doing this for over 40 years and believe me, I've yet to hear anything new that would convince me otherwise. Every single comment I get when I say stuff like this, I could have written myself! I just get never ending clichés and more scripture quoting, or insane circular logic - you name it!
The problem however is that so many genuine loving and passionate people fail to see the glaring absurdities - like I did for most of my life!
Sure we can believe whatever we want, not a problem. But what is the fruit of our beliefs? What is the basis of our beliefs? Are we believing something that is actually far more damaging than we could possibly imagine, and yet only see it as good and loving? Are we blind to the centuries of horror this religion has caused? Or are we happy to just say we are the generation that finally understands it all?
The god of the bible is horrific, as are the gods of so many other religions, most of them in fact - simply because we love to create gods in our own image - we just can't help ourselves!
I know I'll get the usual responses from this, but that's ok. If just one person stops to really ponder what the hell they actually believe and why, then this world could become a better place. So believe in whatever god you want - but do so with the most integrity and honesty you can possibly muster, and above all, don't be an asshole like the god of religion.
(I'll be writing more about the deeply damaging aspects of christianity and religion in general, and much of it will be in my next book - which is taking far too long to get into!)
Many people say I've thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Others think I've just become bitter and hopefully, one day I'll see that my bad experiences have taken me this way, and that God really is as loving as many believe. Some understand the depth of what I've battled with, some say I'm just deceived and have become a tool of the "enemy".
I've posted many blogs about this, so I thought it was time for one more, lol.
The "grace" message that so many now preach was a huge step for me. The idea that God indeed absolutely and unconditionally loves everyone was mind-blowing. The doctrines of the "finished work of Jesus and the cross" finally made so much make sense.
...sort of...
The problem however was the brain teasing, mind twisting doctrinal re-arranging we have to do to get the bible to make any real sense. The proponents of Grace can back their doctrines with solid scriptures, but like it or not, it's at the cost of others.
I still, in all honesty, couldn't reconcile the character of God, as represented throughout the entire bible, as being a truly loving God. I studied and read so many books. I prayed and meditated on it, even did 2 years bible college. But ultimately I had to admit that the God of the bible is an asshole. In fact, far worse than that. To accept that the bible gives us the entire picture of a never changing, omniscient, omni-everything God forces us to accept the horrors that he inflicted as well as the supposed good. The God of the Old Testament was a monster - no better than the gods of the surrounding heathen nations, and probably more arrogant and exclusive.
The god of the New Testament seems a lot more loving and forgiving, but it doesn't take much to see that no matter how good we spin the doctrines, he's still an asshole.
The problem however is that so many genuine loving and passionate people fail to see the glaring absurdities - like I did for most of my life!
Sure we can believe whatever we want, not a problem. But what is the fruit of our beliefs? What is the basis of our beliefs? Are we believing something that is actually far more damaging than we could possibly imagine, and yet only see it as good and loving? Are we blind to the centuries of horror this religion has caused? Or are we happy to just say we are the generation that finally understands it all?
The god of the bible is horrific, as are the gods of so many other religions, most of them in fact - simply because we love to create gods in our own image - we just can't help ourselves!
I know I'll get the usual responses from this, but that's ok. If just one person stops to really ponder what the hell they actually believe and why, then this world could become a better place. So believe in whatever god you want - but do so with the most integrity and honesty you can possibly muster, and above all, don't be an asshole like the god of religion.
(I'll be writing more about the deeply damaging aspects of christianity and religion in general, and much of it will be in my next book - which is taking far too long to get into!)
Thursday, 17 March 2016
Achievement abuse
The pressure to "achieve" is relentless.
I don't just mean, get a good job or whatever. I mean to make something of your life - to become a "useful/normal" member of society. We are told to get over our crap - sure, take time to work through it, so long as you actually "get better" - there's only so much "compassion" we are allowed to receive before it's time to move on and get back into the system.
In christian circles especially, this is a type of subtle but powerful abuse. Yep, that's right - abuse!
We use a combination of capitalism and the "protestant work ethic" backed by the twisted dogma of religion that demands we fit in to a mould - that we all look and behave the same, allowing just enough diversity so it appears we are tolerant.
This covers every aspect of life! Our personal goals and ambitions, our work ethic, relationships, mental health, finances, politics... All are neatly framed by expectations to conform, but most importantly, to "succeed".
Our ability to conform has become the measure of our success.
We are given all the help we need as long as we can measure the results of that help in terms of becoming "functional" members of society. And for christians, that means "functional" members of church. We measure relationship with God (our validity as a christian) by how much we have achieved. This includes our level of "obedience to God", our "ministry", our "service", having the perfect family, good finances (prospering) and a great smile that shows how we have "overcome".
But what if those measures of success are totally arbitrary? What if they are actually destroying us - destroying who we really are - our true identity? What if the pressure they put on us is slowly killing us?
What if there were no expectations to be anything other than who we are, and encouraged to simply find love in ourselves and everyone else?
All cultures have inflicted this on its people in some form. Christianity excels at it, especially as it bases it all on being pleasing to God. It makes God out to be the one who wants us to achieve the right (righteous) results, and excuses this abuse of our core identity and self worth by claiming it's the way God decrees it.
We are not broken. We are not miserable sinners desperately needing some external magic God to save us. We don't need to fit any mould. We are all completely unique, and when we are given the freedom to be just that, we'll all function together in ways we never imagined!
In christian circles especially, this is a type of subtle but powerful abuse. Yep, that's right - abuse!
We use a combination of capitalism and the "protestant work ethic" backed by the twisted dogma of religion that demands we fit in to a mould - that we all look and behave the same, allowing just enough diversity so it appears we are tolerant.
This covers every aspect of life! Our personal goals and ambitions, our work ethic, relationships, mental health, finances, politics... All are neatly framed by expectations to conform, but most importantly, to "succeed".
Our ability to conform has become the measure of our success.
We are given all the help we need as long as we can measure the results of that help in terms of becoming "functional" members of society. And for christians, that means "functional" members of church. We measure relationship with God (our validity as a christian) by how much we have achieved. This includes our level of "obedience to God", our "ministry", our "service", having the perfect family, good finances (prospering) and a great smile that shows how we have "overcome".
But what if those measures of success are totally arbitrary? What if they are actually destroying us - destroying who we really are - our true identity? What if the pressure they put on us is slowly killing us?
What if there were no expectations to be anything other than who we are, and encouraged to simply find love in ourselves and everyone else?
All cultures have inflicted this on its people in some form. Christianity excels at it, especially as it bases it all on being pleasing to God. It makes God out to be the one who wants us to achieve the right (righteous) results, and excuses this abuse of our core identity and self worth by claiming it's the way God decrees it.
We are not broken. We are not miserable sinners desperately needing some external magic God to save us. We don't need to fit any mould. We are all completely unique, and when we are given the freedom to be just that, we'll all function together in ways we never imagined!
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