"Real" Christians?

I've been getting a bit of backlash lately. Not from the usual quarters, but from concerned friends. They are worried that I'm too angry about Christianity and religion and point out that I'm painting all Christians with the same brush - that I'm offending those who I shouldn't be offending and that really, I should just get on with loving people, not judging, and living my new found life to it's fullest.

I'm told that I'm still angry at what the church did to me, and that isn't what christianity is about, and I should back off and pursue the love that I preach and leave others to live their own journeys.

I totally understand this. I really do!! And to be honest, I often contemplate just walking away from all this stuff (even Silent Gays) and getting on with living a nice life.

These days, I'm not particularly angry over what has happened to myself  (apart from the odd trigger of course), but I am angry over the damage I  still see every day from Christianity in all it's forms.

One of the many issues that needs clarification is "real Christianity".

My main concern, obviously, is with fundamentalism. But even this is a broad term with many variations and complexities.

Most of us would assume I mean the bible belt red-neck version, that encompasses biblical literalism and strict dogma built around the Old Testament version of god - the type that believes rational thought has no place and the bible takes precedence over science and psychology etc.

But there is also the type of traditionalism that is embraced by the broader church, that still has strict dogmas based on things like the Nicene Creed and other dogmatic statements of faith that very clearly define what you must believe to be "saved".

Then there are the more liberal doctrines that allow for far more gnostic and esoteric interpretations, right through to those who just follow the example of Jesus as practically as they can and don't even concern themselves with all the other stuff.

So the waters become very muddied when we all respond with our various paradigms based on our experiences, our upbringing, culture etc. Everyone thinks they understand "real" Christianity - that their beliefs are right/best/loving/biblical/just/compassionate or whatever.

Because of all this, we are faced with "what is real Christianity?". So when I dissect and expose so many doctrines and expression of belief, am I calling any particular belief system that is loosely based on Jesus into question? Or all of them?

Can you see the problem here? Where do we draw the line between what is "true Christian doctrine" and what isn't? I realise that everyone will immediately try to justify their biblical interpretations and the traditions of the church and 2000 years of church history etc., but the fact remains that the bible, and Christian doctrines are a mess of ambiguity and contradiction. And the crunch really comes down to when is a Christian not a Christian and, even more important, what are the "fruits" of those beliefs that define your own brand of Christianity.

My "mission" then, is to help bring some clarity to what we believe and why we believe it. The sooner we all realise that every form of religion is totally subjective, with no empirical evidence for any of it, the sooner we can get on with really making this world a better place - of discovering what real love is and actually living it.

You can believe in anything you want, but do so in the knowledge that you are simply adopting something that just feels good to you and empowers you (hopefully) to bring love, compassion and peace to this world.

God (or doctrine) "allows" evil

I saw this article and simply had to respond, mainly because it's indicative of a deeper issue than the one being addressed. Just have a quick read before continuing...

Read this first before continuing

Why do we wrestle with this problem so much? The article puts forward a pretty good theological explanation that may or may not be strictly "biblical", but it puts a nice soft band-aid on it so we don't notice the problem so much.

When we are confronted with the never ending contradictions in the bible and god's character we have to sort it out somehow. This is the purpose of creating theologies and doctrines. Without them we are left to make whatever we can of the collection of disparate writings of the bible (the canon of documents created by the Roman church around 350 years after the fact).

Doctrines are nothing more than man made ideas about how to make it all work.

So this article looks at one of the most asked questions mankind has ever put forward, and because a christian is asking the question they have to look at scripture for an answer. This is where the doctrine machine kicks in. The author has worked hard to reconcile things and takes into account a lot of newer doctrines that have been created recently as people start thinking a little more rationally and logically, daring to question taboo issues.

But as I said, this particular article isn't the main point.

We just keep making up more doctrines to keep this faith alive. We have to! As we realise that something we thought was reasonable a while back is actually nonsensical and possibly downright evil, we have to look at the bible again and create different ways of reading and interpreting it so that we can breath a sigh of relief and carry on again - with a new revelation. And that new revelation builds a whole new set of "movements", all just as judgemental as the last, all claiming to have THE truth (or the latest version specially revealed to them).

The simple reality...

We don't need the bible, or Jesus (sure, there's good stuff there if you can extract it from the crap). We don't need to be "saved". We don't need the latest revelation.

We are enough - as we are. Everything we need is already in us. WE are the source of love. Our inherent sense of empathy, compassion and morality is greater than the god we have created. Time to ditch the book, the doctrines and challenge the paradigms of religious thought.

Live loved 💖

Good, Evil, Sin, Love

This is perhaps one of the most important issues we have to face. It's insidious and rules over every part of our lives. In fact it's the basis of the "human condition" irrespective of religion.

(It's a long one so hang in there!)

I became a passionate Christian at 15. 

I was gay, struggling to understand what was wrong with me.

I grabbed the bible and read it nonstop, cover to cover. I absorbed it, and the prayer books, and started listening to the sermons. I loved talking about it and how amazing God was, and assumed everyone else in my church youth group had the same understanding as me!

Inevitably I discovered that it was wrong to be a christian and be homosexual. The bible said so and that was that. So I prayed and prayed for it to “go away”. I started to look for more radical “cures” and went to a “deliverance” ministry to get the demons cast out. I persisted for a few weeks and went along with the whole thing, but nothing actually changed, strangely enough!

I then had some prayer counselling which supposedly got to the deeper spiritual and psychological causes, but just made me feel like a failure. So I ended up marrying this really lovely girl, who was a great friend, thinking that would fix everything, and we’d have a family and live happily ever after. Not a happening thing. 

I then drifted into Pentecostalism to find a deeper more powerful spirituality that would enable me to overcome my evil desires. I became a worship leader, home group leader and dived into the whole lifestyle boots and all, even street witnessing in Kings Cross.

I decided to get married again! Really stupid, I know, but I was convinced it would work this time and my dream of a happy family would come true. 

She’d had lesbian relationships so we knew basically what we were up against, but of course we had no idea of just how hard it would be. We had lots of counselling, all sorts of whacky Christian ministries, and finally got involved with Living Waters reparative therapy group in Australia and then over here in New Zealand. We were involved with them off and on for about 15 years, as worship leaders, participants and leaders.

Never once did we admit that it wasn't working. Sure there was some good insights gleaned from the teachings and they were beautiful, sincere and loving people, but I never became one tiny bit straight.

Eventually my wife became sick with cancer in 2009. I nursed her for nearly 2 years before she died after which I had something of a meltdown. Our son had to watch his mum die as we kept hanging out for miraculous healing. We read all the books, heard countless preachers on every aspect of healing imaginable. Went to conferences with the best international healing ministries and lost count of the number of people who prayed and prophesied over her. It was horrific on so many levels, and it wasn't until after she died I could even attempt to process any of it.

I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d lived my entire adult life with depression and suicidality, struggling with the cognitive dissonance of being gay in a belief system that said I couldn't be gay.

My core spirituality was based on my experience as a 15 year old, and I’d spent the rest of my life thinking that fundamentalist Pentecostalism (in one form or another) was the only genuine expression of that experience.

So I then spent 12 months unravelling my faith, and coming to terms with my sexuality. I began to take small steps to embrace my real identity and slowly become very active in the LGBT community as a spiritual voice for those silently suffering in churches and religion.

So now how does that all relate to my topic on the knowledge of good, evil, sin and love”? I'm glad you asked.

Part of the unravelling process required me to take a radical look at the bible. I started to look at the original languages, the cultures, social norms, historical context etc, as best I could without my Christian paradigm. I saw of course, that all the scriptures about sexuality were completely misinterpreted (that’s a huge discussion in itself!). If only I’d known that from day one…

But it didn’t stop there and wasn’t long before I began to see all the flaws in my belief system. It became clear (to me at least) that humans have an insatiable assumption that we need holy texts – irrefutable words of wisdom that define our meaning in relation to God and the universe. Writings that set out moral and ethical codes, rules and rituals, that are necessary for humanity to survive. But the biggest problem is that we also assume humans are essentially flawed and need saving from our inherent brokenness.

This is quite understandable as we all wrestle with the horrors we inflict on each other on a daily basis – even down to our own petty squabbles. It seems as if we really are inherently evil.

(This is a huge subject of course and countless books have been written about it already)

Most religions (especially christianity) are complex systems built on those assumptions. However, what if we are actually perfect, exactly as we should be, but all that is missing is our realisation of it? This is a concept that has always been around in some form but rarely embraced because of the apparent contradictions in what we experience. After all, despite our best efforts we all take offence and argue and fight, blaming each other for all our problems. It’s not a good look, so we have invented religious systems that build on this paradigm to create a way of hope for a better life.

Now, every single person knows what love is. It’s inherent in our nature as humans. We may not understand it fully or even experienced it in any meaningful way, but the deep longing for unconditional love is absolutely universal. In fact, it’s the only aspect of spirituality that truly is universal.

Deep down, we all know that the only thing that brings real change towards life and wholeness, is love.

So here’s my point (finally!)

The bible myth about the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" that Adam and Eve ate from, expresses the basis of the problem - we keep choosing to look at everything in terms of right and wrong instead of love.

The story says that the only thing that would cause them to die was embracing the desire to know good from evil! Even Paul in the New Testament, hinted at it often with statements like "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial". We keep thinking that the most important thing we can do is determine right from wrong – sin from righteousness. We think that justice is only defined in terms of good and bad, so we spend most of our time making judgements. We are obsessed with having the knowledge of good and evil. Our entire civilisation is built on this! We want clear cut lines that say “this is right but that is wrong”. Our legal system is nothing more than countless lines drawn to define if something is good or bad.

But if we look to the story of Jesus, we see something very subtle and easily overlooked in his words to the disciples after the “last supper” dialogue. He simply said, in possibly his most powerful words, “I'm giving you a NEW command – love each other the same way I love you”.

Up to that point he’d supported the principles of the law and 10 commandments, and had reduced them down to two – love God and love each other. But what he did here is ditch the “thou shalt” mentality entirely and institute something new.

Love each other just like I love you. He turned it completely around. The onus was no longer on us to “love God” first and foremost. He took that out of the whole equation. The disciples had seen the depth of his love for humanity, and that’s exactly what he put to them. Love humanity, just like I do.

Stunningly simple, and bypasses all concepts of laws and rules. Up to that point he’d been pointing out that living by the law was completely unattainable, and he constantly upped the ante with things like “you know you shouldn't have it off with another woman, but I'm telling you - if you even look sideways at a woman you may as well have had sex with her”. He did this heaps and upset a lot of people! But then he turned it all around with that one final “new” command. It was a command for unconditional love. 

So, lets look at this a little closer. The people we all most admire and respect as examples of life and faith, are those who live from that place of unconditional love. They don't judge, they simply love. Like Mother Teresa, the Dali Lama – those types we admire for their sacrificial and genuine love. They don’t preach doctrines and rules, morals and ethics – they just love unconditionally and completely.

Here’s the crunch though. We don't need any holy writings for this. Its already who we are. As little children we don’t judge, we simply “are” and enjoy life based on the level of love we receive. Sure, there are heaps of ancient and modern writings that are incredibly profound and have so much to offer. But I'm talking about revering these writings, and their authors, to the point of “god’s infallible words”, “anointed”, “holy” etc. It’s called bibliolatry (the worship of the writings themselves instead if the deeper message), and most religions are guilty of it.

When Jesus said to be like children, he wasn't talking about obeying your parents or being submissive - he was talking about a simplicity of life and faith – a returning to that wonderful reliance on love and love alone and the joy and peace it brings to ourselves and everyone around us.

Christianity in particular calls us to "repent" - a word that is loaded with guilt, shame, penance and punishment. But the original word in context with the Greek language and culture literally means to just change your mind. That's it!! Just change our minds about who we are. Look at a baby! It has no concept of right or wrong, good or evil. It’s just a little love receptor, a love sponge, which gives as much as it receives. So we “repent” of our craving for the “knowledge of good and evil” and return to that state of innocence. A love sponge!

This has to be practical as well, and sure enough, we will still act in unloving ways as we gradually learn our true identity, but all we have to do is be responsible for any mess we make. That's all there is to it! That may be difficult and may require extreme measures to amend for those actions. But the point is, there is no sense of punishment for wrong doing, or reward for doing good. It’s a simple matter of being responsible for all we are and do from a place of love.

Its living loved. Everything else is a distraction and a returning to that tree.

We think we need endless books and sacred writings of wisdom that talk of how and what to do to be good people - but we already are good people - we have just been convinced that we aren't by choosing to judge what’s right and wrong instead of living loved.

We will keep hurting each other, misunderstanding and fighting, but as we begin to see what love looks like and embrace it for ourselves, we’ll change. The whole point of love is in embracing imperfection!

How does this look in daily life? Every decision we make should begin with the premise that “I am loved – I am inhabited by love – I am love incarnate”. Will this decision, this action, thought or word come from love and bring love? What will be its fruit? It may be a very hard decision, but if it’s done with integrity and honesty, then we can ask no more. Because love covers “sin”, and we all know that sin is simply “missing the mark”. Yes, it’s another one of those loaded words that religion has escalated to the ultimate judgement. But again, the original languages and context reveal it to be a simple “missing the mark” like an arrow missing the target.

So after all this – what is love? Most of the western world knows 1 Cor 13 and it could be said to be the universal standard that depicts pure unconditional love.

“This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.”

Of all holy writings, this is probably the one that hits the depth of every soul. Even if we have never experienced this kind of love, we all crave it. The lack of it is the cause of all our woes, from war to mental illness.

To “live loved” requires us to abandon the desire for the knowledge of good and evil, and extend the same level of compassion and empathy we desire for ourselves. Then we will begin to see God in us and everyone one else.

Its a massive paradigm shift, but millions over the centuries (throughout all history I guess) have discovered that this really is the narrow road – it’s the real “gospel” (good news), and the only thing that brings real freedom and the "fruit of the spirit". It’s taking responsibility for who we really are.

THIS is what changed my life - from internal and external judgement to unconditional love.

Live loved!!

The Unchanging God

One of the great tenets of Christianity is the "unchanging god" - the same yesterday, today and tomorrow - his character is solid and is never indecisive, always full of love, mercy and justice. We can count on him because he is always constant, in every way.

The truth though, is a bitter pill to swallow, a pill that most christians refuse to acknowledge.

For those christians who see god as totally loving and full of grace, they have had to shed the idea of the "monster god" of the Old Testament, and to do that, there's a large problem. 

To make god really as good as we say, we have to cherry pick the bible. God should be good of course, and we know that, however fundamentalists and traditional christians are trapped in the idea that you have to adhere to the entire bible, which is impossible, so you end up like the Jews - creating a god in your own image, and a nasty one at that.
 
Even the new testament has a lot of the old nasty god in it, which we have to tiptoe around to make a much better religion than the bible presents.
 
In reality, the christianity that most sane people like is one we have constructed out of morals and ethics far superior to those of biblical times.

However we don't see it that way. We use the term "doctrines" to describe the new beliefs that we stitch together from these cherry picked scriptures. I spent years doing this myself, and could justify it all with "scholarly exegesis".

I think this is actually a good thing, as we outgrow the primitive tribalistic god of the bible, but lets just call it for what it is - we are creating/modifying god into our own image - an image that reflects our evolving spiritual understanding, morals and love. 

The day will come when we see the bible for what it really is rather than worship it as a god actually speaking to us. Perhaps the only hold that traditional christianity will have over people is the fear of the unknown - what happens when we die. This is the last bastion of fear that we can be threatened with, and the last thing we need to come to terms with before shedding the old and walking in real love and unity as the beautiful creatures we really are.

Our lovingly evil god

The last few years have seen me become more and more ruthless with my attacks on Christianity.

Many people say I've thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Others think I've just become bitter and hopefully, one day I'll see that my bad experiences have taken me this way, and that God really is as loving as many believe. Some understand the depth of what I've battled with, some say I'm just deceived and have become a tool of the "enemy".

I've posted many blogs about this, so I thought it was time for one more, lol.

The "grace" message that so many now preach was a huge step for me. The idea that God indeed absolutely and unconditionally loves everyone was mind-blowing. The doctrines of the "finished work of Jesus and the cross" finally made so much make sense.

...sort of...

The problem however was the brain teasing, mind twisting doctrinal re-arranging we have to do to get the bible to make any real sense. The proponents of Grace can back their doctrines with solid scriptures, but like it or not, it's at the cost of others.

I still, in all honesty, couldn't reconcile the character of God, as represented throughout the entire bible, as being a truly loving God. I studied and read so many books. I prayed and meditated on it, even did 2 years bible college. But ultimately I had to admit that the God of the bible is an asshole. In fact, far worse than that. To accept that the bible gives us the entire picture of a never changing, omniscient, omni-everything God forces us to accept the horrors that he inflicted as well as the supposed good. The God of the Old Testament was a monster - no better than the gods of the surrounding heathen nations, and probably more arrogant and exclusive.

The god of the New Testament seems a lot more loving and forgiving, but it doesn't take much to see that no matter how good we spin the doctrines, he's still an asshole.

He's exclusive, demanding and judgemental, unless we choose to love him. It's that simple. And yes, I know every argument and doctrine in the book for both sides. I've been doing this for over 40 years and believe me, I've yet to hear anything new that would convince me otherwise. Every single comment I get when I say stuff like this, I could have written myself! I just get never ending clichés and more scripture quoting, or insane circular logic - you name it!

The problem however is that so many genuine loving and passionate people fail to see the glaring absurdities - like I did for most of my life!

Sure we can believe whatever we want, not a problem. But what is the fruit of our beliefs? What is the basis of our beliefs? Are we believing something that is actually far more damaging than we could possibly imagine, and yet only see it as good and loving? Are we blind to the centuries of horror this religion has caused? Or are we happy to just say we are the generation that finally understands it all?

The god of the bible is horrific, as are the gods of so many other religions, most of them in fact - simply because we love to create gods in our own image - we just can't help ourselves!

I know I'll get the usual responses from this, but that's ok. If just one person stops to really ponder what the hell they actually believe and why, then this world could become a better place. So believe in whatever god you want - but do so with the most integrity and honesty you can possibly muster, and above all, don't be an asshole like the god of religion.

(I'll be writing more about the deeply damaging aspects of christianity and religion in general, and much of it will be in my next book - which is taking far too long to get into!)

Jesus who????

Now for the big one!

Over the years, I've heard various alternative ideas about the historical Jesus. The only people who think that the Jesus of the bible is an historically accurate record these days are either fundamentalists or those who have never really thought about it.

Having said that, most people just assume it's close enough not to worry about, and any discrepancies don't undermine the message anyway.

There's a lot of scholarly work now from people like Reza Aslan, that thoroughly researches the culture, sociology, religions and just about every other factor you can think of, to build a picture of the "real" Jesus.

But for some time, there's also been research that says he never even existed! What I'd read of this wasn't particularly credible and had that conspiracy theory edge to it.

This guy however, is rather challenging and, I must confess, pretty thorough and very scholarly. I'm going to read his book and dig deeper.




So if this is true, where does it leave us?

It clearly puts Christianity into the realm of a mythical cult, which, none the less, has a lot of value in terms of spirituality, morality etc.

It would certainly change the entire landscape of christendom, and probably bring the complete demise of traditional church. But then again, there is too much vested interest in a religion with 2000 years worth of traditions for many people.

We may never know "the" truth about Jesus, but I'm glad some objective research is finally coming out.

Through religion, and out the other side

This is probably more of an article than a blog. So grab a wine first.

I've spent a long time de-constructing Christianity (and religion in general) because I've lived through the worst of it, and seen the inestimable damage its done to so many, as well as the damage it's done to mankind in general.

I do this because it needs to happen. We need to be honest about this stuff. I recognise my bias/paradigm in all this, and would never deny it.

I have denounced the bible and traditional doctrines in no uncertain terms - not because they are devoid of any truth, but because to see any of the truths in a way that has real value to humanity in general, or to us individually, requires a level of "maturity" that not many have allowed themselves to achieve.

That's not meant to sound patronising, so I'll unpack that idea a little.


There is a "levels of faith" process described by Brian McLaren that lays out 4 distinct levels of growth or progress through our beliefs. It's not perfect of course, and often the lines are blurred between the levels, but it serves its purpose. (The levels can be applied to just about any religion).

1. Simplicity: Seeing everything in black and white - right and wrong - us and them. God is the ultimate authority who must be obeyed. The truth is knowable and liveable, but only through our belief system. This is where fundamentalist/literalists generally fit.
2. Complexity: There are many ways to grow and serve God. Life and spirituality is measured by goals, purpose and success. Authorities are the experts and can coach and direct us. God is the ultimate guide/coach. This is where your average church sits.
3. Perplexity: Everyone has an opinion and we can never know who is right. Beliefs are more subjective and relative, but being honest and authentic is crucial. There's a distrust of authority and a tendency to be highly cynical. Although passionate about integrity, there's a strong tendency to be highly critical and negative. Most leave the church at this stage.
4. Humility: There is an understanding of unity and deeper truths - our connectedness and focus is on wisdom and love instead of doctrines and dogma. Love becomes very practical and unconditional. Life is mysterious and paradoxical.

Most of us are happy to be told what to believe, how to live a good life etc, and as long as it represents good morals and makes reasonable sense we are happy to go with it. That's not necessarily a good or bad thing, but it is a lazy thing. It's deferring the responsibility for our core identity and belief system to someone else. It's lazy because we can "believe" something simply because heaps of others believe it, and assume that it must be true. This is basically level 1.
I would say that it's only beneficial for little kids, to provide boundaries of safety as they learn to think critically and mature. This is not a good place for any human to live, although it's often part of our spiritual journey.

The last few years, I've been struggling through level 3 and moving into level 4. Although I hate the clinical labels, it does help to map where I'm at and ponder where I'm going in my spiritual journey. I'm finding more and more people struggling at level 3, seeing all the inconsistencies, hypocrisy and just about everything that makes christianity a laughing stock at best, and a damaging blight on the face of the earth at worst.

To get to this stage can be soul destroying, causing a complete crisis of faith, often resulting in totally abandoning all traditional beliefs and even becoming atheists. A few manage to sift through all this and find a far deeper understanding of God and life, and move into level 4. For myself and many others, this isn't a clear cut process, but I can certainly attest to the reality of level 3, as we become critical thinkers, using logic, reason, science and above all, honesty and integrity, to examine our belief systems.

I have probably always tended to see aspects of the mystical and higher truths, but always felt trapped in seemingly logical constraints of fundamentalism. Finally leaving christianity, as it's known and represented in the first 3 levels, has felt like walking out of a school hall full of hyperactive screaming kids all throwing tantrums, into a beautiful serene forest with flowers and a little stream... you get the idea!

But to communicate to those still living in the other level is almost impossible. Level 1s will call anything else heretical. Level 3s will despise the lower levels as ignorant fundamentalists, and often fail to see the potential to keep growing. Even those at level 4 can tend to be dismissive and patronising of others apparently stuck in fundamental beliefs.

For myself, I'm still transitioning into level 4, as I wrestle with all the crap. But the level of peace I'm experiencing as it all falls away is astonishing. Doctrines become irrelevant. There is no in or out, us and them. Unity, love, integrity, compassion and empathy, have become the only things that matter, and love has become tangible. Love is becoming something I see in everyone without even trying. Living loved is becoming a natural part of me.

Life is still rich and complex. I act out of selfishness and ego, but I recognise it more than ever, and am finding myself more teachable than I've ever been, getting less offended about stuff. My heart for compassion and justice, to help the underdog and the broken is becoming real, rather than an obligation. I no longer have to "act" loving in defiance to my "sinful" nature, I just do what I feel, which happens to be more and more loving.

What used to be unreachable/unrealistic ideals is becoming reality.

So how does this relate to anything practical? Glad you asked!

I'm finding that Silent Gays is directly aimed at those struggling through level 3, compounded by their sexual identity. I seem to be finding people who are ready to jump off the cliff of faith, or those who have already jumped and are needing an ambulance. Realising all this is helping enormously in my focus and methodology.

I'm worried though, as a read through the blogs of my journey, that it sounds like my "growth" makes me, and others who relate to "level 4", superior and patronising, and that is the last thing I want!!

If anything, I understand why people cling to dogma and black and white thinking. I get the whole need for strict authority structures for some. But it's my passion to help people move through that phase and into greater freedom and peace.

I no longer see the bible as a historical book in any sense, and I'm not really concerned if Jesus was even a real person. If there is anything to be learned from scripture it's in hidden and deeper metaphor, which could be why so many "mystics" of the centuries, have drawn any life out of it.

Spirituality is constantly growing and changing as society and culture change, as science and technology change - because these sciences discover the reality of our physical universe and how we interact with it. And that has to change our spiritual concepts whether we like it or not.

Christianity, and all religions, can serve a purpose if we are taught to use critical thinking to see the deeper universal truths. But it takes time and a willingness to be wrong - about everything - all the time. And that's something we don't like very much!

The bible made simple

Here's the best way to understand the bible.

It's a collection of documents written over a really long period of time that describes how a primitive middle eastern tribe tried to figure out god.

The end.

Now doesn't that make religion a heck of a lot simpler. Everything falls into place, and we can actually start to learn useful stuff from it.

Christian love?

I talk a lot about love.

I even have a tattoo on my arm that says "Live Loved"!

Coming from a strong born again bible waving Christian background I can say with absolute certainty that christianity is convinced it has the monopoly on love. And I'm talking about real meaningful love. Not fleshly/worldly love - the real deal love!

Christian love says that God loves you. It also says that He loves you so much that he sacrificed His son for your sin. He says that the most loving thing we can do is bring people into His kingdom so they too can experience His love.

They also say that we were conceived in sin. That our inherent nature is sin and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. It was our choice however, although Adam made that choice for us, but somehow its still our choice, so we have to chose God's solution to the problem which is accepting the sacrifice of Jesus so we can take on Jesus' perfection and live vicariously through him.

We will then live happily ever after, basking in God's love.

I used to believe this was the one truth - the only way to peace and eternal bliss.

But then I re-read 1 Corinthians 13, and then I looked at my heart, and I looked at the rest of the bible, and I looked at the church, and I scratched my head. Something just doesn't add up here.

So here it is:
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails.

Notice anything odd about this?

Is God patient? Only to a point, it eventually gives out, as it did quite regularly in the Old Testament stories, and it eventually gets too much for him in the New Testament too.

Is God kind? Only if you do the right things, say the right prayers and don't get up his nose too often, but he's definitely not kind to the unsaved.

Does he envy? You bet! He's a jealous God and will have no other lovers!

Does He boast? All the time. He's God, He's awesome and you better believe it!

Does he dishonour others? He dishonours everyone who isn't "saved".

Is He self seeking? Well, He seems to want our absolute and total worship and devotion, so I guess he is.

Is God easily angered? You bet, in the Old Testament he was one angry dude, and He loses it again when Jesus returns.

Does He keep a record of wrongs? Now this is a doozy. He keeps complete records of everything everyone does, but then gets rid of them if they get "saved", but if they blaspheme the Holy Spirit, or turn from God, he digs them out again. And apparently we all get judged anyway so there's not much point.

Delight in evil? Obviously his definition of evil is different to ours, but he thought it was great to wipe out entire nations, murder babies, rape women, all that stuff. He thought it was perfectly acceptable to displace other nations from their rightful lands by whatever means they saw fit.
He delights in seeing his enemies defeated.

Protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres? When it suits his interests.

His love never fails? As long as it only concerns the "saved". His love for teh rest of the world fails all the time and will ultimately fail completely when he's had enough of us scum.

And then there's all the stuff Jesus said about love and forgiveness!!

So all up, God expects far more of us then he's willing to do himself.
Does he love his enemies? Nope.
Does he turn the other cheek? Nope.
Is he fair and just? Not in this life - hopefully in the next.

Sure, I can sprout lots of complicated theology to wriggle out of stuff like this, and to be frank, that's what the church has been doing for centuries - creating more and more complex convoluted doctrines to make sense of the mess.

There's no getting out of it though. The God of christianity is a psychopath.

(I'll be writing a lot more about this stuff soon)

Do I hate christianity?

This isn't going to be an easy or short blog, just sayin...

Someone innocently said I hate christianity today. It was an interesting comment and I had to stop and think. I went for a walk (my default processing mechanism) and pondered this, pulling together all my random thoughts, sifting through my reactions, looking at how I've grown and changed over the last few years.

I decided that it was a serious comment I couldn't take lightly, even if it wasn't intended that way.

If you've read my book you would understand my journey and why I have left it behind.  I can still respect where people are at with it, and understand the comparative freedom and peace it brings to so many. Its just that I regard it as one of many stepping stones in our understanding of spirituality. It can be used or abused like any other belief system.

But...

Do I hate it? I have to weigh up everything I know about it over the 40+ years of being deeply devoted to Jesus. I was a Jesus purist in many ways, and always strived to see the reality of Christ through the "religion", although miserably failing most of the time to see all my glaring inconsistencies and hypocrisies!

I think "hate" is the wrong word, or at least just one in a long list. I have to sift through the emotions I've experienced and would say that they cover disappointment, frustration, confusion, embarrassment and a sense of "what a fool I was". I'm repulsed by the control and manipulation of religious leaders - big and small. I loath the self righteousness of fundamentalism and biblical literalism. There is a lot of deep emotion there, and hate may well be among it all.

Perhaps frustration is the primary emotion. Frustration at the unwillingness of christians in general, to be willing to see beyond their mindset. It's that whole sense of "we've got the ultimate truth", christianity is the only way any human can be "saved", and the absolute devotion to bibliolatry - the worship of the bible as the complete and only source of truth and the revelation of God in its entirety.

There is an inherent sense of arrogance in christianity (although most religions are the same to various degrees) that is repulsive. But it hooks people in. It's that sense of belonging to an elite club - the "saved", the "righteous ones", those who have "made it" into the kingdom. It builds complex doctrines enforced by centuries of tradition and dogma, twisted by cultural, political and social paradigms that constantly aim to reinforce the exclusive nature of christendom and its superiority to all other religion (again, many other religions also have the same mentality!)

I've written other blogs about why I think christianity works as a belief system, but does that mean I endorse it? Would I tell people who are looking for spiritual meaning to look at christianity as a viable option? Probably not!

If you are currently embracing the christian paradigm, then I would say that's fine, just don't "park" there, in the sense that you need to keep asking questions, explore, dig deeper and recognise dogma for what it is. Yes, the psychology behind christianity can provide a lot of comfort and peace, and that has it's place. It's an easy religion to use as a psychological booster, especially with it's concepts of scapegoating, sacrifice, forgiveness etc.

But it also encourages us to stop there, without questioning. It demands that we refuse anything outside of it's own paradigms and constructs. It builds complex and punitive doctrines to keep people at at that level of spirituality.

I could go on but you're probably bored by now!

So yeah, umm, do I hate christianity? Mostly, I guess I do. Despite the benefits it may have hidden in its doctrines, I hate it's passion for dogma, it's exclusiveness, its bigotry and patronising expression of love. So in those terms I hate ALL religions! I just don't have the working knowledge of all the other ones to speak with any authority.


For those few christians who manage to weave deeper spiritual truths and real love into their beliefs, I say congratulations and "go for it", and be prepared to keep growing, no matter where it takes you! But you are a minority and will suffer (something about the narrow road, lol).

Our real nature, the reality of who we are, of what the universe is and how it all works is so much bigger and better than the little christian religion that its almost laughable. Not that I have much to offer, apart from a passion to search, question, explore and live with as much integrity as we can!

It's so friggin simple!

(Sorry, tried to find a picture for this blog but everything to do with love was just soo cliched and tacky! So just use your imagination)

Theology, doctrines, religions, denominations, cults and sects, eschatology, hermeneutics, etc...
On and on it goes.
Endless debates.
2000 years and christianity is even more divided than ever. Religions divide the world.
Complex doctrines abound that try to explain the basic tenets of the faith - of all faiths actually. Yet despite our best efforts its all really murky.

Sure, there are some basic ideas that persist, but really, it all comes down to putting our faith in a book instead of the source - instead of love - instead of that which is deep in all of us.

Jesus supposedly said that we needed to see all this with the eyes of a child. Our faith, our meaning for existence, has to be simple enough for a child. Sure we can ponder the deeper issues and embrace all sorts of philosophical views. But the most foundational issues of all we are and do must be simple.

Christianity as it's traditionally presented, simply does not fit this requirement. It is anything BUT simple. It involves every person believing a complex set of doctrines in just the right way so that they can be saved.

Now many of you probably know, I'm a bit of a broken record with the Live Loved thing. I'm forever simplifying everything down to that. And I get accused of being naive, simplistic, ignorant, idealistic etc, to say nothing of the shouts of heretic! (seriously - a heretic for preaching love?!)

I've writing many blogs about the bible and about our preoccupation with clear defined boundaries and rules, so no point in repeating all that. Suffice to say, the more I focus on the simple most basic concepts of who we are, the less importance the bible has. And the less important ANY religion is.

There is only one thing that is common to all mankind - every person everywhere, at every moment in time. Its deep within every heart - its the innermost cry of and expression of every soul. It's what every mind, whether through emotion, intellect or logical reasoning longs for.

It's LOVE.

It's not love defined by any religion. It's not love with conditions. It's not a set of rules and principles that make us lovable.

It's unconditional love. It's being accepted exactly as we are with no questions asked. It's something we all long for even if we have never experienced it.

There are no doctrines, there is no holy book, there are no wise teachers that can tell us any more than what is already in each of us. We are made from and for love.

So what do we do about that? We live loved!

We look for that deep need in each other. We nurture that need. We do all we can to find that point of love in every single person we meet. We BE love. And in being love to others we are becoming love to ourselves, and this, and this alone, is what brings change to the world, one person at a time.

When we "live loved" we are beyond all concepts of good and evil, right and wrong or sin. We have abandoned the need for endless doctrines and holy writings (although they can certainly be of value). We have simply embraced who we are.

The more I embrace this - the more I practice this - the more whole I become. Issues like trying to figure the correct doctrines, the way we should treat women in church, our attitudes to politics, social needs, gay people, all become completely irrelevant. Because love transcends all these things. they become red herrings.

God is not in any holy book. God never wrote a book that defines himself or what we have to do to be accepted by him!

God is love! That's it - and that is more than enough.

Although christinaity, and all religions, can show ways to see that love through their writings and traditions, they are not the truth. The only truth is love, and that truth is intrinsically part of every human being ever created.

Something bigger

I've always known that love is the key.
But its a carrot of idealism dangling just out of reach.
Yet the mere fact that I/we dream of it, long for it and momentarily embrace it...
   the fact that we are even capable of such ideas...
Shows it must be attainable - that we really can live loved.

Most embrace the concept that we are born broken as truth. We declare our sinfulness as inherent, the fruit of rebellion. We have accepted the biblical story that we are filthy and completely incapable of anything good without "repenting" and accepting the perfection of Jesus as a sacrifice that enables us to be welcomed back into God's fold.

There are so many doctrines that explain this process - so many subtle variations and nuances. There are huge disagreements as well. Some say God is angry with us and can't bear to look at us and only sees Jesus when He looks our way. Others say that Jesus took all our sinfulness on himself to allow us to be clean enough for God to live in us.
Many variations...
Many reinterpretations of scripture.

I studied the role of Jesus in this whole dilemma most of my life. Even in bible college, I knew all the right answers, but still nothing sat right. Every theory fell far short of my deepest experience with God. I mean, I wanted all the doctrines to be right. I really tried to make them work. But despite that, I couldn't make sense of the whole idea that somehow, God just couldn't simply forgive us for "missing the mark" and acting in unloving ways, without the whole Jesus thing.

I can see the psychological value of using Jesus as a point of identification, a scapegoat, someone we can dump all our crap on so we get to walk free of the guilt and shame. I can see the benefits of accepting that it's "Jesus in us" that is the point of perfection - the focus - that brings us to perfection and peace. I get that, and all the other doctrines built around everything he did.

BUT, it has always seemed like second best - a stopgap. In fact, most religions seem to just be bandages trying to cover a deep belief paradigm that is essentially flawed from the ground up.

Most of my life I believed christianity had every answer, that the bible contained the entire wisdom of God and was the sole source of all truth, and everything else was just deception or imitation. And yet I also had the niggling feeling that we were missing a far bigger picture.

What if we aren't essentially and intrinsically broken and flawed, born in sin? Suppose we are born perfect and what really happens is we forget as we grow. We become victims of everyone else who has forgotten until all that's left is a shell full of guilt, shame, fear and "missing the mark" of love.

Perhaps we've got it all backwards! Love is the essential nature of the universe. God is love, love holds everything together, it brings life, it IS life, it's universal consciousness, and our real journey in life is remembering that.

Just imagine if the "renewing of our minds" is all to do with simply focusing on that love and drawing it out of others - choosing to see everything else simply as the absence of love. We then choose to see each other as creatures of love, that are hurting and blind - blind to who they really are, and we can simply BE love to each other. We can be compassion and empathy, and look through the unloving actions and thoughts to the real person of love in all of us.

The only thing that brings real, lasting change is love. We all know this, despite our emotional reactions, we all know that if we were truly loved more, we would love more. We would be changed!

We can not bring love to each other until we love ourselves. We can love Jesus and defer all our identity on to him. We can say "I am nothing and Jesus is everything", but that's just a false image. It's transferring our true nature in an act of false humility, because we are afraid that we may actually be way better than we have thought.

I think that our unity with God is such that we are perfect at our core, that we are pure unconditional love in the deepest part of our being. I believe we can choose, as we renew our minds, to see this in each other. I think the stopgap of christian doctrine has had its day, and it really hasn't been a good day despite it's moments!

I look at scripture with a whole different lens these days. I see the layers of religion that have been overlaid and used to reinvent Jesus. I see a limited collection of documents assembled to reinforce a particular set of beliefs that had arisen after Jesus. I see these documents as records of the struggles of men trying to piece together a coherent religion out of something that was never meant to be one!

In saying all this, I risk being accused of being arrogant and patronising, of trashing 2000 years of tradition and the collective wisdom of thousands of biblical scholars and theologians. It's not my intention however, and I still respect the journey I have been on (and have hardly started in reality) and we are all on. I owe my continued existence in this world to my faith in Jesus that I clung to through thick and thin. I respect the value of the tenets of faith, and won't belittle or "talk down" to those who find life there.

I am however, finding far deeper waters. I've seen too much to confine myself to one set of doctrines and theologies. I've found God to be so much bigger, better, more loving and life giving than anything biblical christianity has ever produced, and I simply want to share that and encourage everyone to take nothing for granted - not the bible, not tradition, not teachers or wise men, not me, not anyone or anything! Question - explore - dismantle - assume nothing - and most importantly find the love that is at our core, because there lies our true worth and life.

The Bible, being gay, right and wrong

Being gay (LGBT) and christian is a minefield of conflicting views.

Essentially, it all comes down to interpreting the bible. There are six passages in the bible that seem to address the issue and there is a mountain of studies, articles, books and videos that directly address these passages (often referred to as the "clobber" verses, simply because they are used to clobber gay people into submission).

Many of the theological discussions are well researched, thorough and irrefutable. Others are ambiguous, but enough to allow serious questioning. I applaud the scholarly work that has been done in this area, that has tirelessly explored the ancient cultures - their social structures, cultural paradigms, the way they used language including colloquialisms, analogy and metaphor, the influence of other cultures etc, all to bring a clearer exegesis to the scriptures.

These works have been crucial to my own journey out of the unbearable burden that christianity has placed on LGBT people.

But a much larger issue needs to be looked at in light of all this. And its not just for LGBT people - it's an issue that faces every single person who claims to be a christian.

The bible!

I've written quite a bit over the last year or so  about my views on the bible and its role. It's also something that many others are questioning as we look deeper into its history and influence.

The real issue however, is our deep need to have an unambiguous set of rules that clearly define right from wrong, good from bad. A book that says "this is how you live" - that if you don't follow the instructions exactly you'll be in trouble, possibly really big trouble.

We really like to have clearly defined boundaries. It gives us security and allows us to point to something outside ourselves as the source of authority. We love laws! In fact, I wonder if the metaphor in the Garden of Eden myth, is actually about our wanting "the knowledge of good and evil" simply so we don't have to live from a place of love - a place that requires thoughtfulness, empathy and compassion, responsibility, time and energy. The knowledge of good and evil, especially once it's formalised and written down, removes all personal responsibility because its already sorted - look it up in the book - end of story.

But we were never created for that. We were created for and from love, intimate unity with God and each other. The bible itself hints at this so often (in the New Testament at least).

But our obsession for the ultimate rule book is our Achilles heel. We simply cannot agree on what this authoritative book actually says - we never have! Thousands of different groups of christians all arguing about it. We are desperate for love and unity but keep trying to obtain it by deferring to a rigid rule book out of fear. Fear that we could be wrong. Fear from wanting to know good and evil and yet never sure if we have chosen the right thing. Fear of having to take responsibility for our own hearts. Fear of some eternal consequence. Fear of disobeying (knowingly or ignorantly) a God who is just as fearful as he is loving.

We have abdicated our intrinsic humanity. We have refused to live in and from love - outside of the concepts of law, right and wrong, good and evil.

The bible has some wonderful stories, and many object lessons, but it is the most abused and misinterpreted set of documents in history, simply because we have made it something it isn't.

Our first and only priority is to love - even the bible says this, lol!! Love, from beginning to end. That's it.

But what about...!? People need to....! But if we don't have guidelines...! - all excuses for not wanting to live with the personal responsibility of love.

Sure, have faith in Jesus, be christian, but the bible is not your reference book. It's not where you go to find right from wrong. God IN YOU is where we find love that shapes all we are and do. We all know what love is, and we can wrestle with the application of it, but we all know, really we do.

Live loved - go on - try it!

The Ostrich Syndrome

The incredible revelations surfacing in the upcoming New Zealand elections have, for me anyway, highlighted a part of human nature that is pretty universal - our propensity to bury our head in the sand when confronted by something that is potentially dangerous.

In the case of the elections, the accusations being made about the Prime Minister and his party are overwhelming, and the world is watching, waiting for him to cave in. But meanwhile, the party faithful not only refuse to believe the evidence, but actively deny the possibility of any wrong doing. Their leader and his political party would not just be unwilling to commit such things, but would be incapable because they are so honorable.

You constantly hear comments like "John Key is such a lovely man", "he has such a lovely manner and smile", "he's a good family man" etc.

People are afraid to admit they could be wrong. They can't admit they voted for someone who could do that. They aren't prepared to face the implications of the issues. The status quo is more important than having to live with the mess that will ensue. Its better to hang in there with the devil we know and just bury our heads in the sand, in the hope it will all blow over and everything will carry on as it was.

Christendom is exactly the same - only on a much larger scale.

We do the same with our beliefs. Its impossible that we have made a mistake. It's completely inconceivable that our treasured belief system, that has been established over nearly 2000 years, could even vaguely be off course, let alone off the tracks completely.

So we bury our heads in the sand when confronted by new evidence. We refuse to believe that anything outside the traditional christian paradigm has any validity. We claim that our spirits know that anything outside that paradigm is a lie from the devil. Our faith system is so firmly stitched up that those who even entertain the possibility of alternatives are branded rebellious or at worst, heretics.

We are actively discouraged from pursuing any line of questioning that isn't confined within the current theological boundaries, and taught that the only truth to be had is strictly within the bible. We must not undo all the good work that centuries of minds far better than ours, have sweated over, apparently under God's guidance, to bring us orthodox, unquestionable doctrines.

Of course, we conveniently overlook the fact that there has been endless arguments over those doctrines, but none the less, the bible is unquestionable (whatever that means).

But just like our comfortable voters refusing to have their paradigms shaken no matter what is put before them, christians remain standing with their heads firmly buried in the sand (well, bent over somewhat I guess!).

Why? Because they have too much to lose. The mess created by confronting and sorting through the real issues could damage the status quo irreconcilably. The truth becomes too "inconvenient", no matter how its presented. Reasoning is futile, logic is futile. All questioning outside the accepted doctrines is deemed deception.

I could go on, but to those who have seen this phenomenon, well, they know the futility of trying to confront it.

How do we help people get their heads out of the sand?

Bloody good question. For me, deep down, I could never be satisfied by the status quo, no matter how determined I was to fit in, or to embrace it all because everyone genuinely believed it was the only truth. No, I had to be wrong, I was rebellious, so I towed the line and repressed everything until it all turned to custard.

And yet for many others, they are blissfully unaware until one day, a light get's turned on.

Perhaps its a deep desire for truth and integrity - to want to know truth for ourselves, no matter what the cost. Perhaps that finally rises up in some and breaks into the light.

And many never make it. They simply perish with their heads still happily stuck in the sand, and genuinely happy at that! Ignorance is bliss I guess. And in the end, I simply can't judge a person's worth just because they are happy where they are! Of course, everyone is equally loved and intrinsically part of God whether they know it or not. So its not like I feel superior - just sad and sometimes frustrated.

But something in me refuses to accept that people can't live better lives, happier, more fulfilled, more loving and compassionate, if they can let go and allow themselves to think bigger and not be afraid of where that may lead, because ultimately, all roads lead to love. It would be great though, if we could get the best out of the journey on that road!

The Christian guide to loving gays

I just watched a video of an interview between Steve McVey and an "ex-gay" guy, Willy somebody...

It was really interesting, mostly because of Steve being a "hyper grace" teacher (of course there is no such thing as too much grace and I don't think Steve goes far enough at all, but that's another story).

The gist of Willy's testimony was basically, after being brought up a highly performance orientated christian, who's whole life and acceptance by God was based on how well he behaved, he discovered God's unconditional grace and love and it changed his life and filled him so full of love that he simply lost his need for romantic/sexual relationships with men and now only saw them as brothers. Indeed he now sees people as beyond male or female and loves the spirit.

Now that is something I totally agree with. We should be loving the spirit of every person equally no matter what their sexuality or gender. But there was one huge glaring hole in the interview that was neatly ignored (well a few actually...).

He never mentioned if he still found himself attracted to men at all, or if he was now attracted to women instead, and Steve neglected to ask this. But even more interesting is I can only assume he is now asexual! It seems he has completely decided to ignore and repress
something that is intrinsically part of every human. He (and many others like him) have decided that sex is simply an earthly worldly thing and ultimately, living in God's love exceeds that physical love in every way, thus making it sort of redundant.

I totally get that. I used to think that myself, and in some way still do. I think it really is a mark of spiritual growth to be able to see beyond the sexual.

BUT... God created us as physical sexual beings. We are intrinsically sexual and even the bible has lots of romantic/sexual imagery relating to our relationship to God and each other. Every culture holds romantic sex as something sacred that expresses deep spiritual truths and unites us in deep profound ways. To be asexual really is a rare "gift", if it can even be called a gift. Perhaps for some the journey to deeper spirituality can be hindered by earthly sexuality so they genuinely manage to leave it behind. But the longer I live, the more I see this as a very, very rare thing.

So basically the idea, according to Willy and Steve, is to be gracious and loving to those of us who embrace the sin so that eventually God's love will fill us to the point where we no longer desire it. We don't condone the sin/lifestyle but unconditionally love the person.

There were many comments on the video thread. Everybody had their opinions about how this worked, and of course there was always the assumption that being LGBT is a sin that must be treated like any other. There was even a long discussion by some people about "gayness" being a physical neurological condition, which medical science is supporting now, but then they assumed that it was a physical abnormality that needed healing like any other disease.

But it always comes back to the assumptions that any variation or departure from the "one man - one woman" doctrine is sin. The bible says so and that's it, end of story. That is the root of the issue for christians (and fundies of all persuasions). Its really pointless discussing anything outside of that premise.

The bible, no matter what we think of it, has been the source of more atrocities, hatred, bigotry and evil the world has ever seen. Sure, there are good things in it if you choose to see them (and many have and do), but we still just don't get it. We cannot "live by the bible", it doesn't work, because we will forever twist it to make it say what we want - always - and we are no better now than we were 1000 years ago. We can pull out the nice bits, but we can't even agree on what the nice bits are!!

So all these patronising christians saying we love our LGBT brothers and sisters, and we'll simply pour out God's love and let him sort out their sin - can take a running jump.

Being LGBT is not "sin". All that matters is that we live, with all we are and do, as love. If I have a loving caring relationship with another man, that brings the "fruit" of love to each of us, and everyone around us, then that's all that matters. If anything we do brings love, then keep doing it.

I challenge any christian to explain to me how having a loving, caring romantic/sexual relationship with someone of the same sex is wrong.

Well??

Mighty Israel, Part 2

I had a lot of interesting feedback from my last blog and noticed one very consistent thread with all of the comments: none of them spoke of the the God that Jesus loved - none of them spoke of his most basic teachings. None of them spoke of Paul's declarations of unconditional love. All their comments were based on Old Testament scripture. I made this comment on a Facebook thread and thought it may help expand the issue somewhat.


I feel I need to make very clear my views on the Old Testament, especially in relation to Israel's national psyche - it's religious paradigm that governs all of its moral judgments.

Again, I am not judging individual people. Your average Israeli is just like you and me, caring and loving, wanting the best for their friends and family (hopefully).

The problem for me was always the gross discrepancy between the character of God that Jesus and Paul portray and the God that the OT displays. I totally understand the traditional viewpoints about the purpose of the Jews etc, but ultimately I simply couldn't correlate the psychopathic horrors of a god that would demand others to commit genocide on a massive scale. I also simply cannot get my head or heart around God picking one barbaric tribe to be his "chosen" ones and make a bloody covenant with them based on performance, adherence to complex rules and regulations, and a fear that we could accidentally offend him and get zapped.

I have studied and read deeply as a christian for over 40yrs, even went to bible college, all in an effort to understand all these complexities. The only real answer I ever got, after endless questioning and digging, was that His ways are perfect and we have to trust His sovereign purposes - God is God and in the end he can do what He wants, we just have to have faith that He has our best intentions.

In the end, however, that just doesn't cut it. You see, to make it all "work", to give consistency and integrity to Gods character and heart, I had to turn my brain off, and abandon rational thought, logic, compassion, heart and the very essence of love that He has put deep in my heart - the love that Paul describes in 1 Cor 13.

I began to see that the entire OT was simply one particular ancient tribe trying to make sense of life and spirituality. They are writings of struggle, power plays, loss, victory, hatred, self justification, barbarism, cultic practices - all wrapped in a deeply held belief that they were the only nation on the earth that God had any interest in - that God actually despised every other person he had ever created and demanded that this one tribe annihilate the rest.

No matter how much I tried to work through the analogy, metaphor, the hidden purposes of God and the deep mysteries that point to Christ, the glaring facts remained - if the stories in the OT are true, then that God is the most horrific psychopathic monster imaginable, and we have been brainwashed to believe He is loving and caring.

So for me, we have been utterly duped, slowly and inexorably over centuries, to believe in a schizophrenic God through the use of incredibly complex doctrines that are MAN MADE. We have created a god in our own frustrated, distorted image - fickle, angry, abusive, conditional, narcissistic, and yet somehow, who loves us.

I cannot with any integrity whatsoever believe in that God. If He is love (as New Testament points out), then the Old Testament is NOT God speaking to us, its nothing more than an ancient tribe justifying its crap. Sure there are some great bits in it that actually do express His real heart, when those people caught the occasional glimpse of it.


No, the Old Testament is NOT God speaking to us, its NOT His holy word, its NOT the expression of His character or heart.

I now find it completely and utterly offensive to the very core of my being to think that God commanded ruthless, brutal murder and genocide - no matter how much theology you care to wrap it up in.

God IS love - if what we read doesn't fit that, then its not God - end of story.

Angry Jim

I'm angry.

But I know I shouldn't be. Its something I know will get better, and it is, but it keeps flaring up.

I'm angry at religion and christianity in particular.

I know, here I go again like so many others who have been ripped off, abused and disillusioned by traditional christianity. But I've done that one. No this is a bit more specific and its really about me in a way (isn't it always, lol!)

I've come a long way in my journey and can honestly say I no longer feel much of the sting of the lies of religion myself. But I see the horrendous trap that fundamentalists et al, get stuck in; a trap that shuts down their minds and hearts.

I've had so many discussions about varying topics with conservative fundamentalists and the most consistent problem I've found is their stoic unwillingness to even consider they may be wrong in any way, or there could be problems in their belief systems. They have developed mental processes that allow them to shelve and ignore glaring inconsistencies and hypocrisies and successfully divert all responsibility for their personal integrity on to a book. A book who's only claim to spiritual authority comes from itself, creating a circular argument that can never be resolved unless you have "faith".

Now the interesting thing is, I've been in that place myself, so I can really understand the processes involved that get you stuck in that trap, but because of the depth of my personal struggles in life that this belief system could never resolve, I had to live with incredible cognitive dissonance that caused a life of suicidal depression. So I get it, I really do.

But I'm angry that those who are stuck in that trap won't even give you the time of day, deferring their brain, heart and spirit to a book. I don't have a problem with the book as such (well, yeah, there are issues on a few levels). I have a problem when we hand over our intellect, reasoning, heart, compassion, and all that we are, to a belief system that judges, belittles, patronises, condemns and generally puts an unachievable burden of principles and regulations onto the most vulnerable and needy, let alone those who are apparently doing ok.

So yeah, I really hate it. Fundamentalist evangelical whatever you call it crappy biblical literalist bigoted dogmatists who think they have cornered the market on truth because of their faith in a book that has taken 1700 years of creating wild doctrines to try and hold together a mish mash of disparate opinions about God.

I'm angry about the damage that this filthy religion has spread throughout history - about the damage its done to so many innocent people struggling to find love and acceptance. I'm angry about the exclusivist club that claims to be the sole purveyor of truth and condemns the rest of the world to death. I loath that which drives people to ignore the fact that most of the world will never hear their message of exclusive conditional love but are happy to so blithely blame the lost for their own damnation.

Yeah, it gets my blood boiling!!

I refuse to associate myself with that farce of a religion called christianity, and yet Jesus (as far as we can tell from the 2nd hand documents we have about him) showed us what love (God) looks like. But I can't even trust the words in the gospels as we know them. After all, hundreds of documents were destroyed when the arrogant church leaders of the time determined what the "real" truth about Jesus was. I guess we will never know.

And then there's millions of people who think their precious opinions are the solution to all the worlds problems and yet refuse to even acknowledge that we ALL have subjective opinions and paradigms.

So what's my point??

Christianity as we know it is a dead, sick, pathetic excuse for spiritual reality. We may never know what Jesus was really on about.

BUT!

I DO know that God is in me. That He/She is love - nothing but love. That I am one with love and that love is the basis for all we know and don't know. I am happy to dig through the bible to find this truth - its there if you look for it. Its there in so many other writings as well. And the same despicable crap is there in other religions as well. They are all just as bad.

I'm not angry with God, or people. In fact I've never experienced such love towards everyone, or closeness to God in ways I never knew possible. I've never felt more loved or loving. Its religion and all its filth that gets me fired up.

So there you have it. I love but I hate. I'm patient but I'm impatient. I want everyone to experience who God really is but I have no time for bigoted pharisees. Maybe I'm just human, on my own journey, happy to do and be the best I can, as I experience the best that's available to me, learning to live loved, and listening to every person's unique story in the hope of learning something and giving something.