Wednesday, 14 September 2011

I'll Wait


2 months down the line, and I think I can breath again, most of the time. My Minnie has gone to be with Him. And she got there before me - for some reason I thought I would be first. I always thought I was the waste of space, and she... she was the one with the wisdom, the heart, the insights, the giftings, the integrity.

No, Father didn't want it this way, I guess. So many unfinished dreams, that might not have come to light anyway. But they were there. Our heart for the broken, our love of music, worship, our hunger for truth, for love. Our struggles, battles, victories. He didn't want it this way, but it is, none the less, this way.

I could (will) write tributes. Her greatest heartbreak was for Jesse, that he would no longer have a mum, to hassle and nag him, and spoil him. You'll be OK, she told me, just get on with life, do all the things you always wanted. Yeah, I guess so...

But Father has been taking me on a different journey, showing me such awesome simple truths that...
I don't think I could have made it.

Healing. So many books, teachings, prayers. Healing. Our obsession. But I think I knew she would miss it. The journey was too hard, the simple truth of Jesus "in us" seemed elusive, and yet His love and passion for us kept growing. I knew it, and so did she, but the obsession got in the way. But to die is gain, and she is more healed than any earthly healing could give! And she is using all her wonderful gifts and talents for whatever eternity is offering.

There are so many empty words offered in prayer, so many vain words offered in prophesy, none that even come close to just holding a hand. So much well intentioned activity, from hearts that truly care. But the peace of God that passes all understanding, the resting, the all consuming love, the comfort - that's what matters. And if healing comes here and now, what more can we ask for!

So onwards and upwards, with a limp, and knowing that it will all make sense in the fullness of time!