Tuesday, 5 July 2016

5 Years On

It was 5 years ago today that Min died.


For those who haven't read my book or aren't familiar with the story, my wife, Melinda, died of cancer, nearly two years after her diagnosis. It left my son and I deeply affected in many ways.

Today we finally took her ashes to her favourite beach. It's taken a while for both of us to feel comfortable enough to do this. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but of course the memories all come back and I could see my son suppressing his feelings as only 22 year old guys can!

So in a sense I'm finally free from that part of my life - that whole era where religion reigned supreme. Where we struggled to make sense of our christian paradigms. Where we never spoke of the "elephant in the room" of our sexuality - at least not in any sort of reality. We were both victims of ex-gay therapy and the delusions of religion.

We both battled with our faith over those 2 years, as we sought greater anointings, deeper relationship with God, greater faith in Jesus and God's desire to heal. We fought hard and faithfully.

In the end Min just resigned to the fact that she really had no idea how this God thing worked, and I began my journey of deconstruction.

But meanwhile, life goes on. I believe her consciousness has passed on to a different realm of awareness. I have no idea what that looks like, apart from a few smatterings of stories we get from NDEs, and even then we have no real idea. But every soul has this sense that we are bigger than this flesh we inhabit.