HOT OFF THE PRESS!

Yes folks it's here!

Jimzpomez

(No - not the book, I'm still writing that)

I have compiled many of my poems into a small book because, well, just because.

The poems are selections from a period of 38 years, covering my journey as a young mixed up kid in Kings Cross, through crazy religious delusions, heartache, confusion and just observations on life. Many of the poems are here on my blog - just have a dig through the labels/tag list down a bit on the left of the page.

You can get it from Free-ebooks - just click on the pic. Make a donation if you like them or would like to support my work.

Weltanschauung / World View / Paradigm

I'm sure I wrote something about this a while back but just can't find it, never mind, if you have heard me rabbit on before, this should at least be in more in depth!

I often use the word "paradigm" when describing how we perceive and act in life. Its probably not the best word to use but its the only one I can find that's easy to say but encompasses some of the depth of the subject.

Weltanschauung and World View are probably closer to what I'm trying to describe. World View is a bit generic though and open to a lot of interpretation. Weltanschauung is better but, well... Anyway, Paradigm is usually used to describe scientific information rather than social/philosophical states, but at least people have some idea, and if you use the phrase "paradigm shift" it does sort of conjure up the type of image I'm looking for.

If you didn't understand a word I just said, don't worry, just ignore all that, and start from here!

We pop out of the womb and the first thing we see/hear/feel has a determining impact on us. The loving arms of a mother, the quiet fear and despising of an unwanted intrusion? An absent Father? We are taken into a home - or not. The words spoken in that place, the emotions that define relationships around us, the brothers and sisters (or lack of), the friends and relatives that share our lives begin to create our unique reality. We go to school and discover a bigger world, but one that is shaped by teachers, opinions, text books written by those with greater opinions based on research by those we trust have pure and unbiased motives. We make friends based on assumptions about who is safe or scary, who fits in the world we have already built around us. This is a never ending process of family and peer shaping, combined with media, our community, our political environment, or socio/economic status, our perceived intelligence. Day by day this grows into layer upon layer of our personal paradigm.

It's as inevitable as the sunrise - we cannot escape the building of paradigms.

Every word that comes out of my mouth is shaped by the complex layers of input and interaction that have brought me this far. Every belief I have is shaped by this never ending complexity of influence and assumptions. I am a unique representation of all that has been part of my life to this very second.

The implications of this are HUGE. To realise the depth of this is to realise that every thing we do, see, hear, speak is completely governed and coloured by this paradigm. We don't have a choice - it just IS.

When we apply this to our perceptions of God we start getting into interesting territory. The way I understand God is based on my upbringing by a conservative middle class english family who migrated to Australia in the 50s, my awareness of being gay from a young age, of being socially awkward from ADD and having a passionate musical talent, my encounter with God at 15 and expressing that in the anglican church, my frustrations, suicidal thoughts, my indoctrination into charismatic and pentecostal church - and on it goes, layer after layer of influence until the thoughts that I think are mine are really nothing more than a paradigm created by my life experiences.

Not one single person ever created is exempt from this! We are all a set of very, very complex paradigms.

If I have a "paradigm shift", I have a dramatic change of perspective that involves the dismantling of part of my life paradigm - changing the way I perceive something. Paradigm shifts are epitomized by expression such as "I didn't know what I didn't know". They are unexpected shifts into another reality.

So my point is??

Our paradigms are not necessarily "right or wrong", "good or bad", they just ARE. But as intelligent beings, who have been given astounding intelligence and hunger for truth, we do ourselves the greatest favour imaginable by being AWARE of our paradigms. To simply acknowledge that my paradigm exists is a huge step to understanding who we are and how we relate to God and each other.

When I interact with you, if I don't recognise that your paradigms are completely different to mine, we will never connect on any level. I recognise that despite my best efforts, you may never understand what I'm trying to say - because our paradigms are too diverse to meet at any mutually understandable point. That's OK - frustrating, but OK. The good news is that we are all in the same boat.

My hearts desire, that is behind all I "preach" is that we have the maturity to recognise our paradigms - these things that make us who we are and colour every single thought we have. I hope that by realising this, we will not hold so tightly to what we perceive as truth, when in fact it is just part of our paradigm.

Even what I'm saying now is from my own paradigm. I just hope that I'm aware enough of what has shaped me this far, to be able to communicate something that is universal.

I believe that when we can grasp this and all its implications, we will start to see who God really is and how we relate to him. Its all about heart, our heart and His heart, our union with Love incarnate, that cuts through every paradigm and speaks directly to the core of our being.

More about living loved

"God is love - live loved".

Yes Jim, we know already, yawn...

Well hey! I got more!!

The impact of this little tag line just keeps digging its way deeper into my heart. It's the truth that is the foundation of everything we are. There is nothing else! There is no right or wrong, there is no us or them - Love is the beginning and end of all things. Yep - love! NOT correct doctrine, sound theology, holy living, obedience, submission, or any other christian jargon you care to insert here.

We are one with God - He is uniquely and wonderfully entwined with every quantum particle of our being. He IS love, and we are infused with love. We are just on the journey of renewing our minds - changing our minds - repenting - about this fact. We are one with love!

To live loved is the complete response of our being, to that intimate union. Recognising that we don't even think in terms of moral values, ethical issues, principles or anything else that refers to an external set of requirements. Our process of renewal requires complete abandoning of the desire for the knowledge of good and evil - yes, that's what I said. If we don't, we will never be open to acting in love, because every thought and action will be filtered through the the very thing that sent us down the wrong path!

Prophetic words, healing, miracles, annointings, whatever.... all just fluff and bubbles. They may be genuine, they may be something else (no, not demons or deception - its a whole other subject), but they are far short of the reality of living loved. These things are a mere side track to the real nitty gritty of living loved.

We are not called to judge anything, only act in love. What does that look like? I don't know! It looks like whatever Love looks like in you. Perhaps you might heal someone - awesome. Perhaps a child returns from a vision of heaven clutching a gemstone - incredible! But they are simply personal responses by a loving God to people at their point of faith. They are not universal truths.

To persistently try to establish correct doctrines based on moral, ethical, scriptural, legal, or simply "good" standards is totally and utterly missing the point of Christ. All of this stuff is part of the incessant struggling for secure boundaries - the desperate need to define what is correct/right/good against bad/evil/immoral. We all love to be told what is good and bad, so our actions are clearly defined and we know when anyone has crossed the line.

This system CANNOT work, simply because no one can ever agree on the fine print. From the daily decisions and interactions of our lives, right through to complex social decisions. Thousands of years of lawyers, fussing and squabbling, theological pontificating, "revelations", "revivals", you name it - have never ever improved a single thing, just made it more complicated.

It all has to go - completely! That's what the whole symbolism of the tree of the KNOWLEDGE of good and evil is all about. Its even more than Christ doing away with the law, its FAR bigger than that. Its Christ doing away with anything to do with that knowledge. This is mind blowing!! It only leaves us one place to go - yes, you guessed it - love.

Love is not a cop out, its the fabric of the universe! Until we get it into our thick heads that God actually is nothing but love, and that we are to LIVE LOVED, we are simply running in circles.

(I have much more on this subject, I'm just scraping the surface of this!)

The Knowledge of Good and Evil

I was inspired by a friend this morning, preaching about the nature of good and evil and how it relates to us in terms of "the Gospel" and every day life.

A couple of things that I have been struggling to express for a long time fell into place for me.

The problem all began back in "the garden" (I don't care whether it was a story or a fact - doesn't change anything) when Adam and Steve, I mean Eve, ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (cue dramatic music).

Basically, they wanted to know the nature of everything in terms of two defined moral and ethical standards, standards they could describe in black and white - standards that required no decisions based on relationship, empathy, love or passion.

Just Good or Evil.

They walked away from relationship, and this is the whole basis of human thinking ever since. We are obsessed with defining everything in terms of good - evil, moral - immoral, ethical - unethical, ad infinitum...

So the greatest challenge to christians is the whole concept that Jesus completely did away with anything to do with that Tree. He didn't come to help us make better decisions about good and evil, right and wrong. He didn't come to give us the strength to choose good and right. He didn't come to give us the power to resist evil and bad things. He didn't even come to help us sort out our problems.

He came to rip out the tree by its roots!

EVERYTHING Jesus did was to reveal/point us to our unity with God (that was established before the foundation of the world...) - i.e. relationship! There is no more right or wrong, good or bad - there is only relationship with God. Relationship with LOVE himself (I only use the masculine pronoun because english doesn't have a non-gendered personal pronoun).

I will never get anywhere if I keep thinking about how sinful I am, how much wrong and bad I do, how bad everyone is, how right or wrong/good or evil the world is etc. That thinking is anti-christ. It is negating everything God did in his Jesus manifestation.

Yes, I know, the first thing that pops into my head is "what about the wrong/bad/evil things that people do - that I do?" But let's stop for a minute, and look at this. Everything is lawful/permissible but not everything is a great idea. Some things have crappy, and even horrific consequences. But the good news is that doesn't affect our union with God in the slightest - not one little iddy bit. So He's cool with whatever, but we do stuff that doesn't help ourselves or others - its not "beneficial". In other words, its not love - it doesn't come from (yes you guessed it) relationship!

So now what? Be responsible for the mess you make, in the full knowledge that you and those affected by those non-beneficial actions are actually completely loved and also free from the nasty tree. If I don't forgive myself, I'm saying I'm more important than God, I have greater power and authority, because he GOT RID OF THE TREE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL. He doesn't even judge me, because he doesn't see us in that light.

I make bad decisions because my mind IS BEING RENEWED to realise my unconditional love union with him.

This is not making light of the messes and damage we do through stupid actions. It is the only solution!

Here's my idea of how things work (very simplistic, cos if kids don't get it, it must be wrong).

1. No good or evil - just love union with God
2. I can make decisions/actions that do not benefit me or someone else
3. I take the most loving actions that reflect my union with God to reconcile those affected and fix the mess
4. I love those affected by the decision - including myself - and move on, refusing to be judged further on the matter by anyone - including myself. 
5. All my actions are to be governed by love relationship, NOT by right or wrong, good or evil.

This may sound petty or stupid and just ignoring huge amounts of "reality". But its the only way forward. I am no longer to think in terms of sin. God doesn't, so its the height of pride and arrogance for me to think that way. In fact its denying everything God established "before the foundations of the world" for us to live in unity with him and everyone else.

My un-renewed mind still wants "good and evil" because it gives me the power to judge and condemn, myself and everyone else. But Jesus grabs us by the hand, pulls us into the arms of God and only ever tells us about how much we are loved. That alone bring us to repentance, and repentance just simply and purely means changing our mind - that's it, no guilt and remorse, shame or self flagellation, just changing our mind about being separated from God in any way.

I am whole, loved and complete. I'm still being renewed to this fact, but that does not change anything. Jesus restored us to relationship - end of story. I will not hold anyone in judgement, and I will not allow other's judgments to affect me. 

The more I awake to my intimate union with God, the more I will be love, with no thought of good or evil.

This is true freedom. A license to sin? Sorry, I don't know what sin is any more.

And this will annoy a LOT of people.

To love - to tolerate - to humiliate

I posted this on Facebook and thought I'd share here for those who aren't on it.

I posted my joy over the passing of the "gay marriage bill' in NZ the other day, and of course, in the middle of the joy and relief, the haters jumped on board.

There was a lot of rhetoric, much heated gainsaying, and plenty of plain pigheadedness from just about everyone, but in particular from those against gay marriage and homosexuality in general.

But here's the thing - in the middle of all that, some of us started to try to understand each other. A glimmer of willingness to be wrong crept in and opened the door to real dialog. As the dust began to settle, genuine questions opened up, and reality kicked in. Some of those who were slamming gays and just demanding repentance, began to listen and ask questions from the heart, challenging, and responding with respect.

That is what its all about! I have the utmost respect for those people. I could see them struggling to understand, with genuine concerns, but still asking and listening.

So often we write people off before we give them our hearts and try to open up real dialog. Time after time I've seen, when I get off my bandwagon, stop taking offence and treat people with the same respect I expect, things start to change. Sometimes it can take time, and you may never agree, but the point is, you start to understand each other, respect each others opinions.

I have seen so much arrogance and disrespect for people. People acting catty and self righteous, proud and intolerant. And the worse thing is its not just from the pharisees and religious fundies. I've seen so many people who talk of grace and love not even taking the time to use basic communication skills, no respect for the journey others are on, no tolerance for bigotry and hatred they may well have carried in the past themselves!

We will never all agree on doctrines or "what the bible says"! But if we are lacking the decency to listen, to draw out each other's hearts with integrity, to extend the love and grace to others we expect, even when they are lashing out at us - then we are no better and need to go back to Gospel 101.

I stand guilty myself on so many occasions. I have reacted and shamed people, told them they are bigoted wankers and worse. But seeing as I am one with God, I should be able to display his love, endless patience and tolerance as he has extended it to me. I apologize for all those I have offended by my intolerance - yes you may have been total assholes to me, but that isn't the point. I have to take responsibility for my heart and my attitude - not yours!

We will always get those who refuse even the most heart felt call to understanding, and we may have to end communication and relationship to avoid damage to each other. But the moment we react in the same spirit, when we sarcastically belittle them, label them with ignorance and mock them, we have just disappeared up our own anal orifice and lost hope of any integrity we may have been clutching too.

If we don't practice this grace we are so vocal about, we need to go back to square one and start again.

Fix it Jim!!

I was talking to a good friend today, and we were laughing about trying to fix people.

You know (especially guys) how when you hear someone pouring out their heart, you just want to jump in and fix it. We think people need to have our lifetime's worth of wisdom presented to them so they can apply it and, well, get fixed.

I realise that its wrong on many levels, but I had to stop and think about how I really respond to this. The moment people start to share problems and concerns, the first thing that pops into my brain cell is "what can I say that will help this person".

I start to flick through all the wise advice that has helped me and I think would be appropriate to help others. Perhaps there's a key word or concept that will trigger that cathartic moment. Perhaps the latest revelation I've had about God will release their pain. Maybe if I can present the doctrines/beliefs that changed my life, in the right way, they will understand and have the same "breakthrough" I did.

Or perhaps they really just need a shoulder, a loving heart and ear, who's only purpose is to be there for others.

We can't fix each other (as much as I really want to) despite the best of intentions. We don't need to give advise, and even if people ask for it, what exactly do we give them? For those who are familiar with counselling techniques, listening is the key. But with God, I think it might even be more than that. 

God is uniquely entwined with each of us. We are in total union with Him, even if we don't realise it. Our relationship with God is just that - OUR relationship. Mine is different to yours, everyone is different. Its like the relationship with our best friend or partner - no one else really understands it. 

So many christians, especially charismatic/pentecostal types, think we have to have a "word of knowledge", that its our duty to give the "word of the Lord" to people in need, and even made to feel "unspiritual" if we can't at least provide an appropriate scripture. 

But God speaks to us one to one, individually. All we have to do really, is create an environment of love, acceptance and peace - allow our hearts to feel God's heart, so we can truly be in agreement with Him and pour out His immense love on each other - even without words!

God will always speak in his way and his time to all of us, and this not only applies to those in desperate need, but also to all of us on our journey in life. We are all in different places, with different views and understandings of God. It's great to discuss, throw around ideas, stretch each other, challenge each other, but we can never assume we know where God is at with any other person in creation. Only God can determine what the next step is for each individual. 

So lets just pull our heads in, stop giving good advice, stop telling people they are wrong, or heretics, or sinners, or ignorant, or evil, or going to hell. If we aren't mature enough to give and take, to discuss, to empathise, and basically love, then we should just put up and shut up.

Yep, I've been known to jump on people with my good advice, and I must admit I have little time for those with closed bigoted hearts, but even in that, I'm open to change. Fortunately, God is also listening to my heart, patiently drawing me closer into his arms, so that we will breathe as one.

When God first introduced himself to me, 40 year ago, there's one thing he said in a vision that always stayed with me - "One thing at a time and all things in My time". When I do occasionally remember that, it makes the world of difference!

Words words words

Here's a list of some words that christians especially, consider veeery important:

• Sin
• Repent
• Saved
• Justified
• Righteous
• Hell
• Heaven
• Law

(and there's plenty more where they come from)

They are so important that there's been a lot of arguments about them for a long time, and even more so lately. Everyone seems to know exactly what the words mean, and many can prove it by Greek/Hebrew and exegesis. But there is one incredibly important thing that we all keep overlooking:

These "christian" words are loaded - like a gun - ready to aim and fire at the next person who obviously doesn't understand their true meaning. (Thought I'd just throw that in for current political comment).

But each word that is part of the christianese language, is loaded up with centuries of baggage, based on thousands of evolving doctrines, pushed by political powers, endless translations/interpretations, cultural bias etc. Then to make matters even more complicated we have to add our own personal baggage to each word: how do we personally interpret each word based on our upbringing (religious/cultural/family), our treatment by other christians and leadership, the sermons we have had preached to us, the way have been taught to think. All of the above factors (and more) are mixed together into this complex and personally unique interpretation of these words (part of what I refer to as our personal paradigm).

So what on earth does that mean?

When you hear the word "sin", what does that mean to you? What emotion flashes through you in that split second? What other words do you quickly associate with it? What string of thoughts does that initiate? Does it feel evil too you? Does the thought produce fear in you? Do you feel subtle guilt or shame straight away? Does it even concern you? This is a gut reaction, triggered by our paradigm, and colours our interactions in a way that we are usually totally unaware of - to the point that we not only don't understand why others don't "get it", but will actually get offended or even attack others because of it.

Are we prepared to even admit that there is a problem here?
Could it be that so much conflict could be avoided if we actually took the time to understand each others paradigms? To look for what is loading up each others thoughts and language to the point that it causes anger, hatred, and even wars?

Imagine if instead of being so keen to slam our favourite doctrine or philosophy down someone's throat, we could present it in a way that allowed others to explore with dignity and safety. That we would listen to their hearts and try to understand their paradigms.

This however, takes time and patience. Something in short supply these days! And forums like Facebook etc, really don't encourage respectful, patient interactions.

Words are never empty! Every word we speak comes loaded with our life history, our family, our culture, our education, our religion. Speak, by all means, but listen with all the passion and conviction that God has for us.

Slowing Down

Not sure how to express this, but I'll give it a go.

Here's the list of possibilities.

• I'm way to cynical and burnt for my own good
• I'm still in recovery from clinical depression
• I'm overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of lost and confused people
• I'm overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of people who know everything
• I'm overwhelmed by the incredible diversity of people's paradigms
• I'm overwhelmed by the blindness created by people's paradigms
• I'm overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of God and his relationship to us
• I'm overwhelmed by the complexity of matter, energy and its integration with spirituality
• I'm frustrated with narrow minded fundamentalism
• I loath the tiny little closed box of christianity
• I'm disgusted by the arrogance of preachers proclaiming they know God
• I'm horrified by the level of control wielded by spiritual leaders
• I hate being labelled a christian
• I'm ashamed of all that calls itself christianity

BUT

• I'm slowing down and taking time to see things
• I'm discovering God in new ways
• I'm beginning to understand living in the moment
• I'm experiencing real inexplicable moments of love FROM God
• I'm being changed in deep ways that surprise me
• I see clearer, every day, God's intricate oneness with everything and everyone
• I have a sense of peace that grows deeper every day
• I see people with more compassion than I ever have
• I've dropped all christian dogma
• I feel the weight of religion and christian expectation evaporate more every day

Yes, I'm all of the above, and I've never been better, never understood myself more, never been freer to just be me, and never experienced God's love in such a tangible way.

I'm also tired, but not a bad tired, just a peaceful tired. A happiness to close my eyes and dream, to stand on the beach and absorb the sun and sea. To feel loved and to love. Like the last 56 years were almost a dream - a very long difficult dream, that put me right here and now, right where I should be.

I guess its all a bit vague. But I think if we all stop to listen to our hearts long enough, there may be a lot of common ground between us all. 

I hope so.

Cults and HIM

Cults are a touchy subject at the best of times.

Many would say a lot of mainstream churches are cults, others think in terms of strange New Age stuff, or dancing around fires with chickens and candles. But we have all seen the documentaries of communities with brain washed devotees gathered around their smiling leader.

But really, what is the core thing about a cult? Its not the doctrines or beliefs, as strange as they can be. They only serve to build a reference point for the real problem - the leader.

Most cults are built around a person who has the most damaging trait humans can suffer from - narcissism.

They use religious beliefs as the main tool to draw the right type of person into their sphere of influence, to feed the constant need of admiration, reliance and worship etc. They can then control people by the right balance of feeding their deep needs of insecurity with a sense of uniqueness. You become special, with the unique privilege of sharing in a new revelation, an outpouring of incredible significance that only you and the group have. You become the chosen and bear the burden of sharing this revelation knowing it will bring persecution, but persecution is confirmation that you are speaking the truth, so you will rejoice that people are speaking against you, and you are suffering for righteousness sake.

This was what brought my attention to HIM (His Image Ministries), run by George Maitland.

He has a small influence fortunately, but I've seen a few friends now hooked into it and feel its time to expose him. Among them are Dawn and Breck Rubin who are now intrinsic in the inner circle.

Like I said, I don't really care about doctrines - we are all entitled to believe what we want. But this cult uses control through shaming, belittling, and exclusivism. I have seen people noticeably change over the last year as they have become more involved (like the Rubins). They start to lose the ability to discuss rationally, and begin to quote isolated scripture out of context as if we should know what it means and then talk down to you because you don't "correctly divide the word" (this is their favourite expression).

But what has disturbed me is behind the scenes, emotional and verbal abuse, telling women that they should let their husbands be sexually violent to them to display Gods patient love, belittling his family (and in front of others), regularly/repetitively reading out letters of those who leave the group to enforce the dangers of leaving. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Condescending, patronising, threatening - you name it. It is extremely unhealthy. I have spoken to people with first hand experience, and I have no reason to doubt their story.

So I know many of you will think I should mind my own business. But I'm willing to take the rap for being so open about this. There are thousands more like this - groups of people under the spell of a narcissistic leader, often in large churches and organisations, carefully controlling and manipulating people, people looking for strong leadership and direction, for a new revelation. They present a carefully constructed image of love, passion, wisdom, grace, truth, but are lost in the grips of narcissism and cannot even see what's going on.

Most people who end up hurt and disgusted with anything christian have been under the control of people like this, and I say that's enough. I'm taking a risk, I know, but ever since hearing about George Maitland, watching his FB/blog and website, and then talking in depth to people who know what goes on, it has only confirmed what I feared. I have been involved in similar things. I have seen the devastation. I recognise the signs. It makes me sick to see this happening, and I hope enough of us will have the courage to look deeply into things like this, to be brave enough to speak up, and even be brave enough to be wrong.

I will gladly apologise just as publicly if proved wrong - for anything I may say. But I will stand up for the abused and for the removal of abusers as I feel Jesus did. Its a complex enough journey as it is without becoming derailed by your local narcissist!

I will now run for cover!!

A Face Full of Dirt

(Likened unto visionaries we shall walk with still feet and not trample the tall blades or spill their green life)

I fell on my face the other day, or maybe in another time, and they came, I thought to laugh at me, but offered warm hands, I thought in self righteous piety - and I told them all about themselves - I thought. If they had just seen and told me I would not have fallen. They too should fall on their smiling little faces and taste the dirt that I can taste, and eat the mud and slime.

I waited for a while, or a lifetime, and felt them move back out of my awareness.

The dampness about me had a dark warmth and life all of its own - moving on soft edges and brittle limbs and burrowing into darkness to die and give life back to the cycle. And I watched and drew my own life from theirs and I heard their whispers and longed for their wisdom.

(We moved beyond his sight but always watched for him, for the movement would not be long)

After a time I felt the wind moving through my hair as if challenging my part in the earth cycle, and I moved, ever so slight, my face braking contact with the earth, and the breeze twisted around my cheeks. The life of the breeze was complete and unto itself and above the earth. But the dirt held my eyes and the life of the wind and earth would blend, I thought, at least with me as their mediator. But the strain on my neck was growing and with my desire for the life of the wind AND the life of the earth eating at my heart, confusion held fast.

(We saw the moment, stepped forward, and gently raised his head)

As my strength gave, hands, warm and gentle, lifted my head back to the compromise, and I welcomed their strength. But they kept lifting a little higher, and a little higher. And the breeze began to enfold my whole face, and I understood the life of the air, I thought, and restrained the hands there, for here was all understanding! It seemed.

The hands held firm and never faltered and I wondered at their strength and beauty. I remembered then, MY hands, and slowly brought them up to my face, examined them and began to see the likeness to those that held me!

(We moved closer - he was seeing, and an eagerness flooded our hearts)

I touched my face - with my hands! They felt like those who held me. I felt the dirt still clinging to my cheeks, almost embedded grain by grain into the skin. I rubbed, and dirt fell, and as it fell I felt more of the life of the air, and in my excitement I found I was leaning on my elbows and the hands moved to help me.

(We smiled now, and cautiously prepared to lift him as he gave us leave)

The air filled my spirit but it overwhelmed me, and the simple cycle of life in the earth held my mind. I tasted the grains on my fingers and smelled the mud, but now, I was only seeing its death. I hoped then that at least I would understand the air, so I pushed up back onto my hands and felt the other hands shift in firmer grip to help me. They felt so warm and loving compared to the damp of the earth, so that all I now desired was to see and feel more!

I raised my head slowly, straining against unused muscles, and saw faces. I think I remembered the faces, but I wasn't sure, and seeing their smiles, I smiled too and realised we shared the same life of the air.

(If they could all be this willing we would be there by now)

Together, we stood up - they held me still, though, for my legs were weak and shaky. I looked around and in the distance saw - something, a goal, and I began to walk with them, like visionaries, with still feet and not trampling the tall blades or spilling their green life.

And the wisdom of the life of the air filled me.